Author Topic: tid-bits  (Read 1097 times)

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Broken Spirit

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Re: tid-bits
« on: November 07, 2018, 07:46:50 pm »
In the course of general acceleration and hyperactivity we are also losing the capacity for rage.

I feel something akin to rage, but it is below the surface, uttering words which frighten me, confusing emotions I do not want to acknowledge.

Case in point, everything I have cooked over the past few days, after spending a large portion of monthly funds at the grocery store, my mother does not want to eat.  I bought a lot of fish.  The only meat I got was a large butt-ham with the bone in, which I also made two large pots of pea soup with.

Even though she is known for eating domestic ham on a regular basis, she suddenly decides that ham has too much salt.  She won't eat the ham or the soup.   I think, "stubborn biitch."

She complains that the bananas are over-ripe.  I have no "baking mix" but mix up 5 bananas with the whole wheat flour, brown sugar, butter, eggs, vanilla extract, bking soda, honey, walnuts, and even some coconut flakes.  It comes out very well.   She says she likes the way I used to make it (with the baking mix).   I think, "stubborn biitch."

Like I said, I spent a lot at the grocery store stocking up on fish (cod, fresh salmon, 2 large bags of frozen salmon), several cans of tuna fish, Coconut water (Mom gets dehyfrated), prunes, raisins (huge bag), olive oil, crisco, several jars of peanut butter, tea bags, coffee, canned pink salmon plus 2 large bags of frozen shredded potatoes that I fry up with the canned salmon to make "salmon cakes," organic brown rice (she doesn't like it!), almond butter, apple butter, hot dogs, V8 Fusion Juice, Quinoa/Brown rice mix (she doesn't want to try it), Pomograte Plum Juice (a couple large bottles), a couple bundles of bananas for banana bread, cauliflower (she can't eat it), cabbage (she can't eat it), 4 dozen eggs, Italian-style Meatballs (she likes these),  some cookware, noodles, Romaine hearts (lettuce), fresh baby spinach, mushrooms, oranges (turned out to be hard and dry inside), lemons, cheese, cereal, milk, Steel Cut oats, Braunschweiger (liverwurst), garlic bread, green tea, red onions, onion soup mix, 5 pounds potatoes, carrots, croissants ...

The price?  $270

I give my mother another $600 each month to help pay just two of her bills, one being to a bank ($200 of which is finance charge, the other bill is the required maintenance fee).  Anyway, I am losing patience with my mom.  I'm not showing it, but, trust me, within me I am losing patience with all the complaints.  Now she says she can't swallow her food.  The oatmeal went down easy this morning.  Part of me thinks she is sick in the head, playing games.

Thankfully I have my math and coding projects.  I stay up late into the night and work in peace.

If I were Kafka, I might be able to make a story out of this, but all I can do is fester.

I think my mother is a hypochondriac.

She's surely neurotic.  She has equally neurotic friends who are advising her to "go to the emergency room."  Why?  Because she is spitting out her food, wanting to chew and swallow, but then just spitting it out.   Fresh spinach, fresh mushrooms, fresh par-boiled and baked carrots and potatoes.  She can get down the pea soup, but lets THAT go cold!  She's on the phone now with a friend who is advising her to go to the emergency room.  When she gets off the phone, she will suggest it, and I will roll my eyes.  Yes, I am a monster.  I think it is a ridiculous idea. 

I just finished cleaning all the pots and pans in the kitchen.  She made the brown rice, then refused to eat it.  She fried up chicken breast tenderloins, and spit it out.   I ate pea soup, cabbage, and cauliflower, then tinkered with some code, worked on some math problems.  Applying DeMoivre's theorem.  I could take the math work to the hospital, but, trust me, I will not be very sympathetic toward my mother.  This shiit is getting too ridiculous for me.  ALL-TOO-RIDICULOUS. 

Maybe she has a little head cold and has lost her appetite.  Is this really some kind of medical emergency, or is this about someone who has temporarily lost her appetite?  It happens to animals all the time, no?  Do we have to have ravenous appetites every day?   What, you didn't eat an entire cow today?   You better call an ambulance!  Please, someone tell me that I am some kind of insensitive monster, if this is how you see it.  r tell me my mother is a crazy woman.   Either way, it is what it is.   If she insists, I will have to take her there, but this life is going to drive me to drink.  Good mother-fuucking grief.   ::)

Ah, here comes the sense of humor.  I imagine how much funnier I would be with a few drinks in me.   :o

What does all this have to do with rage?

Well, I am trying to explain.  On the outside, I may appear to be a very patient man, but within me is some kind of tick-tock-tick-tock …  :-\
« Last Edit: October 25, 2020, 07:23:38 pm by Sticks and Stones »
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