Poll

How long do  you  wish to live?

Full life span of 80-90    years
0 (0%)
About 5  years
0 (0%)
A few months
0 (0%)
I wanna  be done with life right now!
3 (100%)

Total Members Voted: 3

Author Topic: Poll about Will to Live  (Read 138 times)

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Holden

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Poll about Will to Live
« on: March 12, 2019, 12:59:21 pm »
Poll about Will   to Life
I am just a sad little green  tortoise  who crawls and crawls..


gorticide

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Re: Poll about Will to Live
« Reply #1 on: June 24, 2019, 07:02:46 pm »
I found this difficult to answer.   I would not mind never having been born, but my body wants to breathe, recover, heal, etc.

Isn't it only a matter of time that we will die right now?

While I do appreciate our communications here (an understatement), may each of you be released from the redundant cycle soon.

In the meantime, may your current resignation give you a sense of relief.   At least you have already learned not to want life.

I had suffered from heat exhaustion yesterday, out alone in the "gardens"  (we have zucchinni already).  Fortunately I was out there alone and had the privacy to crawl behind a shed into a thin sliver of shade.   I took off sneakers, socks, and shirt, then proceeded to roll on the grass, digging my fingers into the cool dirt until I calmed down enough to breathe easy and just rest.  I felt like I was dying.  I felt my skeleton on the earth.  My bones want to return to the devil.    I thought of math notes and computer programs I've accumulated over these past four years, and I felt my heart saying, "Although my work is not yet done, if this is it, if I am done, maybe my mother can get my notes/work/code to some publisher who might revive the Dolciani series with my computer programs in C++ (along with Sage and SymPy computer algebra systems).   I'll never know if anyone will ever receive or appreciate the work I've done."

I actually thought I was dying, and I was glad no one was out there.  I was glad I did not have a phone.   I felt like an animal crawling in the shade to die in peace.

Before it is over, maybe we all will be begging for death's warm embrace!

A car drove into the gardens, and so I, out of embarrassment (the nerve of me for crawling into the shade to die or sleep!), got myself to my feet and shuffled along out of there.   When I got back to the domicile I crawled into a tub and ran cold water over the back of my head until I felt revived.  When I could stand, I showered with hot water (to get any ticks/blood-suckers off my skin - especially under the scrotum, the armpits, those places the little fuuckers like to feed from).

Again, fortunately the Mother was not home, so I had the privacy to actually "suffer my agony in peace."    The last thing I want in such a situation is a "ride to the hospital."   Leave me alone ... let me sweat it out and maybe sleep it off.   When I am dying, I want to die alone in privacy.   What's up with sending in a priest?   


The bottom line?    It would have been cool were I have died, but not for my mother who depends on me.
« Last Edit: June 27, 2019, 11:29:52 pm by gorticide »
He [Arthur Schopenhauer] has been the most radical of all troublemakers. He was defiant. ~ (Marcuse?)

"Learning math is never a waste of time." ~ Ivan Savov

"Programming is understanding."  ~ Kristen Nygaard

raul

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Re: Poll about Will to Live
« Reply #2 on: June 24, 2019, 08:41:46 pm »
Hentrich,

In a subtropical country like Paraguay I have had heat exhaustion many times and with my high blood pressure I felt very bad.

Your words:"It would have been cool were I have died, but not for my mother who depends on me."

Fortunately you did not pass away. It would have been a tragedy for your mother and for all the readers of this blog, let me say.

Take care.

Holden

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Re: Poll about Will to Live
« Reply #3 on: June 26, 2019, 09:25:26 am »
Senor
Evil is very real.It is no abstraction.
It is the most real thing there is.
I came across a movie called The Natural and I was reminded of Herr Kaspar.The young man of 19 is immensely talented in all sorts of ways and because of no reason at all he is shot in the gut many times..

Scores of Holdens appear and disappear and Nature merely looks at it all with stony eyes.
To be shot in the gut for no reason at all...well, that's what life is about.

I really thank Devil that now I am one day closer to my death.What absurdity it all seems to be.
I am just a sad little green  tortoise  who crawls and crawls..

Holden

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Re: Poll about Will to Live
« Reply #4 on: June 26, 2019, 09:34:47 am »
I merely want to be left alone but that's too much to ask apparently.I do a bit of math but with no expectations that it will lead to anything fruitful.
In my weaker moments my imagination runs wild and I dream of being really competent at it but sanity soon prevails.

I cannot for the life of me imagine why any man would like to get married.
I remember reading some where that a serial killer got married very early in life (in the beginning of the 20th century),as he wanted to find out what sex was all about.
Erotic literature beats having a wife or a girl friend anyday that's for sure.
It's almost free and there is such great variety.It also does not nag you.
I can bet my bottom dollar that the nagging of wives has been the cause of early death of many a husband.
I am just a sad little green  tortoise  who crawls and crawls..

Holden

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Re: Poll about Will to Live
« Reply #5 on: June 26, 2019, 09:46:27 am »
My father treats me in an okayish manner these days. Once ,I must have been 12 then,
we were traveling through a forest in a car( mum,dad and I).
I was suffering from cough and cold and was being reluctant to take medication for some reason I don't quite remember.Just being stubborn maybe.
Anyway,my father said to me that I had better take the meds and get well soon ,and if I didn't take meds and deteriorated,well ,they don't have the time to foster me back to health.They will dump me/my body (if I died of sickness) right there in the middle of the wilderness and go about their business as usual.
I was not even a teenager then and possessed no philosophical knowledge as you can guess.
I felt incredibly hurt then but looking back at the incident I think he did me a world of good in that he let me know my worth to me quite early in life.
Now, I no longer care.Like Herr Kaspar,I would love to crawl to a dark corner and die.
I am just a sad little green  tortoise  who crawls and crawls..

raul

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Re: Poll about Will to Live
« Reply #6 on: June 26, 2019, 06:29:25 pm »
Holden,

Thank you for your words. Like you I would love to crawl to a dark corner and die (peacefully, if possible).  And yes, evil is real.

Although my experience is a little different I remember when my father used to mock me for my glasses and because of my lack of skills in sports. I should have known that I had little worth to him. Yes, I suppose that if I had died earlier he would go on with his life as usual. One life less. That is life.

About the nagging of wives being the cause of many husbands´deaths, I agree with you. A woman´s mouth is a lethal weapon. You say that you cannot imagine why any man would like to get married. It is part of our programming. Humans are programmed to pass their genetic inheritance to subsequent generations.

I read an article that said that the sequence of the full gorilla genome made scientists realize in 2012 that much of the human genome more resembles the gorilla than it does the chimpanzee genome. Apes may seem affectionate and lovable at first appearance but our cousins murder, **** and torture. They defend their territory and intrude on any surrounding territories using guerrilla warfare. Their behavior, at least forty per cent of all cases of copulation involves violence, which would they interpreted as ****.

They also have short-term memories. If an ape leaves one pack to join another, he becomes an instant enemy. Raids on other packs are frequent, bloody and brutal and involve ambush, torture and death. So their behavior resembles our human behavior. But why did only homo sapiens sapiens develop consciousness and our cousins remain stagnant?  What an enigma!

Anyway humans are guinea pigs in this crematorium called Earth.

I remember your words: “While in the train I imagined all of us in a crematorium ,all smeared with ashes of dead bodies so their faces are just black blots but all of them giggling,one can only see their yellowish teeth.”

Stay safe.

Holden

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Re: Poll about Will to Live
« Reply #7 on: June 28, 2019, 08:01:40 am »
I am just a sad little green  tortoise  who crawls and crawls..

raul

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Re: Poll about Will to Live
« Reply #8 on: June 28, 2019, 10:26:38 am »
Holden,

Thank you for the link. It has been easy for the Pope to utter those words because he will not take care of the children. Every year, more than three million children under five years of age starve to death.

His College of Cardinals will not be in charge of these children suffering poverty, begging for bread, inhaling shoe glue, cleaning windows, or having sex for money in the streets or dying in wars. From time to time I see malnourished children in the streets and their malnourishment started in the wombs. In this country the Argentinian Monsignor is favorably viewed because he always spoke in favor of Paraguayan women. 

His (Un)holiness, lives in glass palaces in the Vatican where he has the comforts denied to millions around the world. I admit I would like to have the medical service in charge of Bergoglio´s health. I also would like to visit the Vatican´s library. 

I suppose Monsignor Bergoglio will have to critique his own army of priests, pastors, monks and nuns for not breeding. He himself is selfish because after all it is known that he never married or had children in Argentina. What a world!

But the Holy Mother Church is a shrewd institution. It has been that way for centuries and centuries. Bringing children is part of the marketing. No children means no church or temple and specially no tithes.

Business must go on.

Take care.

gorticide

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Re: Poll about Will to Live
« Reply #9 on: June 28, 2019, 07:06:06 pm »
To demonize those who make a conscious decision not to procreate stinks of dishonesty.

It is the same kind of maddening dishonesty which accounts for the denial of their own inherent misery.

Scenario:  Approaching a community grill with ground beef, preparing to cook ground beef "hamburgers," a couple asks me how I am doing.   My initial knee-jerk response is, "Oh, alright, I guess ... if I were more honest, I would say I am miserable."

They both appear concerned, "Why? What's wrong?"

"It's just the human condition, I suppose."

Silence.

A depressing mood begins to germinate, the kind of moods a Schopenhauer or a Cioran must have been in whenever they were inspired to articulate "how they were doing."

Why do you think so few people are open and up front about the true nature of "how they are doing?"   

The older I get, the more clear it becomes that to expect honesty from other people in such matters to to set oneself up to be tormented by compulsive liars.

What bullies they are to demand we ignore our own experience!

Maybe it is best that I am unable to articulate my disgust and disillusionment with life.   

No wonder an honest man is always in trouble.   The confederacy of liars will band together to mock the ones with enough confidence to call this life out for what it is.
« Last Edit: June 28, 2019, 09:13:15 pm by gorticide »
He [Arthur Schopenhauer] has been the most radical of all troublemakers. He was defiant. ~ (Marcuse?)

"Learning math is never a waste of time." ~ Ivan Savov

"Programming is understanding."  ~ Kristen Nygaard