{∅, {∅}, {∅, {∅}}} : Rage Against the Meat Grinder

I took the personality test out of curiosity, although I am not too trusting of tests that group people into personality types.  Here are my results Doctor Caulfield:

Your personality type is:  Advocate (INFJ-T)

Mind
68% Introverted

Energy
This trait shows where we direct our mental energy.
63% Intuitive

Nature
This trait determines how we make decisions and cope with emotions.
60% Feeling

Tactics
This trait reflects our approach to work, planning and decision-making.
60% Judging

Identity
This trait underpins all others, showing how confident we are in our abilities and decisions.
59% Turbulent

The INFJ personality type is very rare, making up less than one percent of the population, but they nonetheless leave their mark on the world. As Diplomats, they have an inborn sense of idealism and morality, but what sets them apart is the accompanying Judging (J) trait – INFJs are not idle dreamers, but people capable of taking concrete steps to realize their goals and make a lasting positive impact.

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You know, I was up early this morning as I was experiencing insights into the general nightmarish nature of our world.

Maybe we can make up our own "personality test" which would be based on Schopenhauer's worldview.   Instead of personality types, the test might predict whether the human specimen would be favorable to the idea of extinction as opposed to "eternal life" [on earth, of course].

Evidently, it is nearly impossible for us to discuss the human condition without pointing out the differences between individuals.

Like the late George Carlin, I do not like to identify with groups.  And yet, for sure, there are those who would identify me with particular groupings ... bipolar manic-depressive, for instance ... or German/Scandanavian 4th generation in "North America" - the land of Black Elk ...

I am particularly perplexed by what it means to survive "genetically".   I wonder if, should my "genetic type" disappear into the silence of history,  if this is a sign of merit rather than a sign of some kind of weakness or inadequacy.   Only those who can acclimate themselves to living in Hell will continue to reproduce and worship their gods and idols.   Those who find existence shockingly stupid and barbaric may gravitate towards extinction out of enlightened self-interest.

This life is not worth living, so why would anyone take the least bit of pride in their genetic survival?

Genetic survival?   Slow learners!   

So, Holden, let's flip the script on these corporate drone personality tests and start thinking in terms of "inclinations toward extinction" ... to see which specimens "get it", that life is not worth living, and that there is no "God" who thought all this through for some divine purpose (or so that we might learn and "evolve spiritually").

I wish there were a way to flip the script on the "survival of the fittest" mentality.  If only we could find some solace in being too smart for the good of the species ... Maybe we can take a little personal pride in the genetically rebellious trait that makes us so unfit for existence ... Like Henry Fool, we're not good at walking through shiit.

I see the way we drive our cars ... what a nasty species.   

I wish I could sleep through this life ... but, alas, I consume liver cooked in butter, garlic and onions which allows me to study things like parametric equations and polar coordinates ... and I don't know why any of this is necessary.  It is not necessary.  It is just a distraction for me, an alternative to ZooTube.

YOUR PERSONALITY TYPE IS:
MEDIATOR (INFP-T)

No one can stop you from dreaming!
MIND
This trait determines how we interact with our environment.
ExtravertedIntroverted
0%100%
ENERGY
This trait shows where we direct our mental energy.
IntuitiveObservant
81%19%
NATURE
This trait determines how we make decisions and cope with emotions.
ThinkingFeeling
35%65%
TACTICS
This trait reflects our approach to work, planning and decision-making.
JudgingProspecting
19%81%
IDENTITY
This trait underpins all others, showing how confident we are in our abilities and decisions.
AssertiveTurbulent
27%73%

My result.

One thing that was very accurate, as far as the "Advocate" personality type goes, is that I notice I do tend to burn out quickly.  I am easily overwhelmed, thinking I am a "dummy".

I feel that I struggle just to be able to focus on one thing at a time.

I would never refer to myself as a "genius" since I am well aquainted with the difficulties I experience.  This is why I insist on studying in privacy since I do not really trust "hot shots" and "whiz kids".   

I always liked the expression, "retarded genius".   For whatever reason, this best describes how I feel about myself.

Maybe the reason I study mathematics (and physics) so much is because I feel a great lack of comprehension, and yet those who do not have any compulsion to crack open a physics textbook will never have to face the feelings of inadequacy that plague the curious explorer.

Maybe it does come down to having a certain personality type.  I'm not sure if it is as simple as that, or if it even helps to categorize ourselves.

Take the diagnosis of bipolar or "manic depressive", for example.   This psychiatric diagnosis might attempt to explain symptoms, such as not being able to focus or alternating between enthusiasm and depression, but giving a name to a condition or psychological state based on subjective experiences doesn't seem to matter much at all.

We already know about our anxieties and frustrations, and maybe our suspicions that those acting like they "have their shiit together" are full of shiit are justified.

Maybe it comes down to the fact that some people are honest with themselves about their subjective experiences, while many are not honest at all with themselves.

Señor Holden of India,
So you go to coffeehouse at night. Interesting.Do you practice martial arts? Dangerous there, I suppose. In the mornings I drink mate ( a sort of tea with herbs) and in the afternoons tereré (with cold water). I don´t go anywhere. I am completely atrophied. One thing in common is that we are "nauseatingly beyond repair". Good choice of words. "Apathetic, fearful,", that describes my behavior, totally unfit for social life. Bitterness and resentment are all over my face. I tried,yeas ago, "means of intoxication" to make myself sociable. A total failure. It is difficult to interact when you consider yourself and others a slave, a pawn in this absurd world. I feel indifference toward my father´s siblings. When I am in a very bad state, I see them as sacks of flesh and bones, as we all really are. My cousins have children, future victims with a future with no future. My father thought that he could work to death but diabetes and the Parkinson´s Disease do not give him any peace. But his real problem is his psyche, a diseased psyche. Like you I see  futility and emptiness around here. Take care of yourself. Raúl

Mr.Holden of India,
Probably without Schopenhauer there would have been no other remarkable authors. When you wrote that you wanted to invest in stock trading, I happened to read in Philip Mainlander´s brief biography that he also did the same thing in Germany in his time but things did not go as he wished. Take care of yourself. Raúl aka The Atrophied One.