Holden,
As you know, the more one reigns in the Will through striving for self-control and self-mastery, the more one stands out as a "glitch" in the Veil of Maya. He doesn't want to be a servant...he doesn't want to play the clown...he's not interested in parties...he doesn't engage in competition through careerism and materialism...he doesn't abide by spiritual/religious dogma...he doesn't desire wife or children...he doesn't want to be sacrificed in warfare for an idea...he thinks too much...he questions too much...why isn't he more positive?...what happened to him in his childhood?
These are the questions that the careerists, the hedonists, the managerial bureaucracy, the psychologists, the priests, the generals and the merchants ask among each other whenever a "glitch" appears.
What is the most important role that the "glitch" plays? To show that the Veil is just a Veil - to display the ridiculousness of our RITUALIZED EXISTENCE back to those whom the Ritual has kept BONDED and ENSNARED.
You say that as you go on, you find words to be utterly empty or ridiculous. Samuel Beckett shared that very same sentiment. It has been written that when Cioran first met Beckett by chance, Beckett commented to him about how difficult it was to write anything, simply because of how useless words had become to him.
Stay strong.