{∅, {∅}, {∅, {∅}}} :: The Tip of the Big Mother Iceberg

I have to vent.  Since I have to restrain myself during "treatment" I am going to paste some paragraphs from rational.org here that I also noted in the current Book of Nonsense.  It helps me process my rage against what we are subjected to, most likely nation-wide, in the name of "rehabilitation," "treatment", and government funded "mental health-care".   

Dear Counseling Professional,


There could not be a more confused, incoherent, counterproductive, unethical, unscientific, and harmful approach to addiction recovery than the disease/treatment/recovery-group concept of addiction that prevails in our social service system.

The widespread practice of professionals forcing or intimidating clients into addiction treatment services is an unsurpassed ethical catastrophe, one made more ugly by the fact that so many who make use of their professional selves to fill the ranks of AA are AA members themselves.

Because of professionals, the public believes that addiction is a treatable disease epidemic, and will consequently tolerate endless expansion of the addiction treatment industry, and the increasing, systematic violation of addicted people's civil rights. In this, we have betrayed the public. If you tell your clients that addiction is or is caused by a disease, you are lying to them because you know full well there is no evidence to support that contention.

There is no way that the professions can be forgiven for their intolerable conduct during these frenzied years of freewheeling addiction treatment funding. The burden of guilt for the public health cataclysm of addiction treatment will remain a permanent, dark stain on all of the health professions.

If you are a licensed professional engaged in addiction treatment or counseling, I advise you here to get out of the business. It is a matter of your personal honor and professional stance. Substance abuse counseling is a bogus occupation, newly created around 1980 to accommodate rivers of federal cash. If you are a certified substance abuse counselor, find new work in an occupation for which you are qualified. Your certification is worthless, a kite flown on the winds of discontent, misguided trust, missionary zeal, and unwise legislation.

There is no help for addicted people, and as a professional you ought to know this. Addicted people will have to quit drinking and using, not a great accomplishment for any of them, but your "help" is only a distraction from, and often an obstacle to, their very serious task.

I will take the professions, and perhaps you, to task for the grievous error of offering services called addiction treatment, and for the unforgivable error of referring individuals into the social cult, Alcoholics Anonymous.

Also, for those counsellors who prescribe "Smart Recovery" to supplement AA 12 Step Groups, I'm not going for that shiitt either:

SMART Recovery is a spin-off of Rational Recovery consisting of professionals who believe that addiction is a psychological problem or has psychological origins. They waste peoples' time disputing irrational ideas and getting people to attend their recovery group meetings. SMART uses my literary albatross, The Small Book, and they refuse to recommend the later, and far better book, Rational Recovery: The New Cure for Substance Addiction, which takes the reader directly to complete recovery within the time it takes to read the book. The reason they won't recommend the better book, is that it eliminates the need to attend SMART meetings and makes fun of REBT pop-psychology. Stop wasting your time with recovery groups.

If I were to express these sentiments in a "program", would I be accused of having a negative attitude?  NO SHIITT ... How can they get away with this?  I wouldn't be the least bit surprised, although it is impossible to prove this theory, that these "programs" that claim to help people abstain are more likely to drive one to drink or cause serious depression and other psychological anguish.   It makes me want to scream.

And these self-righteous judges who fancy themselves on the moral high ground ... [CALM DOWN, Mikey ...]

We can't fight from a position of weakness.  I see too clearly.  It is enough to see and understand ... and get the f*ck through it.  What is one to do?  Why couldn't they just leave me be?   Now I have to witness their systematic misguided hall of mirrors, and if I flip out, then I'm the one in need of psychiatric medication.   

I see.

black sabbath

You once wrote on whywork that though you go by the name Broken Spirit you are strong enough to withstand the gort onslought.
And its true.
You are on direct road to salvation my friend.
I could divide my life in to two:Before Hentrich ,After Hentrich.
There is an idiom here:The elephant keeps walking as the dogs keep barking.
Never mind the gorts.Though you are too modest to accept :

Even bronze is aged by time, but not all the ages, Hentrich, shall destroy thy fame, since you alone did show to mortals how to stand in truth.

I was proactive today.  I spoke to my "case manager" about how the judge had specified I participate in "anger management" counselling (as a stipulation of probation for "terroristic threats" charges).

I was told I have to submit clean urines for 3 straight months.  Even though I have not indulged in over 300 days, I have only been submitting urines to this place since mid-November, so, evidently it has to be on record.  The good news is that means I may be released from this "day program" in mid-February.  Then I will be attending Anger Management which is only one evening per week for 12 weeks.

So, just knowing there is some kind of light at the end of the tunnel makes me more calm and less combative. 

The good news is that means I may be released from this "day program" in mid-February.
So,would they release you by mid-February? I would be very happy for you if they did.

They want to suffocate you,yes.But they shall NEVER succeed.Soon they will all turn into dust and ashes.
But you Mr. H:
Even bronze is aged by time, but not all the ages, Hentrich, shall destroy thy fame, since you alone did show to mortals the rule of self-sufficiency and the easiest path of life.

Math therapy?
I am glad math therapy works for you.
Will it work for me?The biblical myth of the Fall of Man contains forbidden truth.Knowledge does not make me free.It leaves me as I have always been,prey to every kind of folly.All the concepts of mathematics ever invented/discovered put together cannot  predict even my near future-I am in a chaotic system.
My study of mathematics discloses this to me: this is a world I cannot control,or even fully understand.
There are flaws in me that cannot  be remedied.All that therapy can do is give another twist to my normal madness.

Like a gypsy,I live on the boundary of an alien world.

  I calmly brought the outrageous urinalysis bill to the attention of a "case manager".  She was very cool about it, defusing the whole situation by saying she must have made a mistake and checked a wrong box.  It looks like some government agency is going to get stuck paying Bioreference Laboratories Incorporated for those expensive jars of p-i-s-s.


I hope and pray that you get rid of these gorts as soon as possible and that you get to study mathematics and Antinatalist literature to your heart's content.

What a mind-fuuck my organism was put through today.

I reported to the anger management last night and forked over 30 dollars cash.  No checks accepted.  Cash on the barrel like an oral surgeon.  I was told I would be released the following day, which was today.  All day there were complications.  First my last urine analysis was not showing up on the computer.  The case manager told me she would have to take another urine sample, and that my release would be delayed.  Mind you, I have not imbibed alcohol or any other drugs since my arrest in March (11 months ago).  All the urine analyses done over these past 3 months came back negative.  Why was this retired high school teacher turned addiction treatment counsellor being such a stickler?  What a regulator!  What a matriarchal controlling Nurse Ratched bully ...   


All the other clients' urines came back.  Just mine was missing.  By 1:30 PM I insisted she call the laboratory.   She did.  It turns out she had mistyped my name on the pi-ss jar, using a K instead of an H.

It was negative.  No shiit Sherlock!

So, just as I sighed with relief, thinking this was finally the end, she comes out with, "Well, I put a call in to your probation officer to get the OK for your release, so you'll have to come in Friday unless she gets back to me today."

"My probation officer is in the field on Wednesday.  She won't be getting back to you today.  Besides, why do you need her permission?  She's the one waiting for you to decide to release me, not the other way around.  You told me I would be released the day after I started Anger Management.  Not only that, but I was never required to be in "Intensive Outpatient Treatment" in the first place.  I told you that three months ago.  The judge stipulated I get a 'substance abuse evalutation' and participate in ANGER MANAGEMENT sessions.   My probation officer and I figured I would get that through this place.  I've been patient.  We have to draw the line somewhere."

She said, "It's only a couple of days."

Evidently she has no respect whatsoever for what I can do in one day, of how I embrace one day to myself, two consecutive days, five consecutive days without being fuucked with by the confederacy of gorts.   I think I made it clear that I will not be showing up Friday, but, then again, she might not get what I was telling her until Friday morning when she is taking roll call.

I am finished with that place, Holden!

No wonder I have never wanted to be a part of CorporateMindFuuckFacebook.  I need a place to vent where the spooky regulators can't threaten us with, "a potential employer might hold what you think against you ..."   The gorts just don't get it.  I'm not looking for a boss!   And I'm not looking for a higher power ... I just want some guidance with a little math.   

Today could have went smoothly and I could have said goodbye with a smile, but that's not how reality unfolded.  Instead I left without saying a word, determined that, regardless of the confusion, I was taking what went down as confirmation that I was being released.  If the head regulator in charge wants to create some kind of confusion with my probation officer, and she in turn even suggests I continue attending the place, I will stand my ground and claim the whole stupid redundant scene is causing me extreme psychological distress.  I mean, I have been very patient, AND when I was told I was being released, I took that to heart.  It is disgusting how the conventional can get their rocks off by having the unconventional at their mercy.

No more day program.  I've had enough.

Needless to say, I am a little rattled because I have to stand my ground against systematic stupidity.  I did not want to give them room to rob more of my days on a whim over a "professional phone call".

They abuse their authority.  I have to draw the line.

won't back down

Certainly my probation officer will see that I am finally beginning a "program" that will satisfy the judge's stipulation, and that this day-jail that I was sidetracked into has only caused me anxiety and distress since they push ideas and principles I totally disagree with, such as "positive thinking," humble employment, faith in "God," submission to authority, participation in "recovery groups/meetings," psychiatric medication, and embracing a regimented schedule, in other words, "discipline for discipline's sake".  They call it treatment.  It's recognized as a "medical facility".  Man they are so full of themselves AND DELUDED! 

I found a few more inexpensive books that I am going to incorporate into this rare time in my life when I hope to have a year of peace and seclusion so that I can experience intense mind shifting.

Differential Calculus and Sage  < $9

Differential Equations Using Sage  < $4

Multivariable Calculus  $25

This last one may help me make the connection between Linear Algebra and Vector Calculus.  I was exposed to these ideas in the year 2000 when I went to the university as an x-janitor.  I was made to feel lowly since I transferred from the community college, and then I wrecked the curve, pulling an A.   As Thomas Ligotti mentions in Conspiracy, getting an A in multivariable calculus does not necessarily make life worth living.  I have experienced that directly.

I'm hooked on learning.  It must release some chemicals in the brain or something.   Not just learning, but finally getting around to looking into some idea more deeply.   You mentioned it once before:  repetitions separated by some period of time.

 Spending $36 on a few more good math books is nothing when I am forking over $30 each week to sit in a circle for an hour and a half to satisfy a court order.  This is a spiritual and mental battle with systematic stupidity.  I can't imagine how Schopenhauer would react to such a situation if he would have been sentenced to this after pushing that woman down the stairs ...

So, now, all these years later, it is as though I will be content on my death bed if some ideas that are not clear are made clear before I die.   As I have explained to you before, my obsession with specific branches of mathematics has a spiritual element to it.  I'm not even sure if "spiritual" is the correct term.  I used to hide in a janitor closet in the park I was employed at to sneak in some reading of a Calculus text.  When I returned to college to study it formally, the instructor (from India) made an impression on me, and even though he had a PhD in Mathematics, he was currently studying C programming (1995).  He encouraged me to not go too far in math and to focus on programming.

All these years later, I am still only drawn to programming if it is related to the mathematics I am studying, hence my interest in Sage/Python and the MTL libraries of C++.

God damn these authorities who have no appreciation for such things!

sanitarium

I'm sick of dealing with conventional gorts who happen to have positions in society which allow them to fuuck with me.   It is this snideness that the antihero in Ligotti's My Work is Not Yet Done was in a rage against.

I will try to calm myself down tonight.  I just wanted to keep you posted.

As long as this organism is breathing and not poisoned by satan's pi-ss, I want to engage in exploratory learning activities.  I have no faith in formal academic education, industrial corporate employment, the justice system, the economy, the future ...

I am only interested in self-education.

I am in rebellion against celebrity culture, sports culture, automobile culture, space monkey culture (NASA and all that bullshiit), anti-boss, anti-marriage, anti-natalist, anti-submission to a godhead ... These sentiments ought not be outlawed.  Seeing truth ought not be considered a "disease" to be treated.  No more lies!

an aside:  I don't want to put together "apps" ... How fortunate I am that I have not reproduced and don't have to be some jacka-sses little code-monkey.   I want to code algorithms. Holy Fuuck I'm an angry man.   

While you might think it is better to wait until the anger passes before typing, I prefer capturing the raw emotions while I am feeling them.  My own honesty is simultaneously refreshing and depressing.

I don't want to be CURED of my desire to be free!   Having an unemployable personality is like being a wolf who won't be turned into a an obedient dog ... and the gorts are like the dogs who think the wolf is a "disabled dog" ... 

mutter