{∅, {∅}, {∅, {∅}}} : Rage Against the Meat Grinder

I have just recently viewed this video, and I had never heard of Jordan Peterson before this.   Yes, he is charismatic.  Thank you Holden and Silenus for your warnings.   It is becoming more clear to me that Peterson must support a belief in free will.  This concept of free will should be be trashed. The idea that people are somehow ultimately responsible for everything about themselves is problematic. Our legal system is predicated upon the existence of free will, but this does not mean that free will exists.

I think that one of the reasons that I have made a commitment to focus on mathematics at a level comprehensible to me is because it makes me feel more authentic and, yes, even more honest;  whereas there is a great deal of "intellectual activity" (debating ideologies, psychoanalysis, critical theory, etc) makes me tense.

When I view these videos, I am interested in the comments.  While it is better than watching television, I still feel as though I would be better off just plugging away at some math problems.   

So many thoughts I have I am unable to articulate, like when I reflect on how we always need to eat food.   The fact that I am dependent upon grocery stores, while I am always grateful for the food, does not give me much dignity.  There is no way around feeling like a pathetic creature, for me, anyway.

This might be simply a perception. 

I had always considered myself "able to articulate myself," but I am becoming more aware that the more authentic I wish to be, the less willing I am to put much faith in what I end up saying or writing.  It is as though I make a compromise:  I cannot express what it is I really think, and so some other words form.

Maybe I study mathematics at the level I currently do because it gives me this feeling of authenticity.   I am some kind of biological hoax, a creature who maybe ought not to have existed, and like the quote of Lovecraft left by Holden, at this point my object in life is to keep fed, warm, and amused till death comes to end the boredom..

I study math to amuse myself, for I am always amazed at how difficult certain activities can be, and how very lazy I sometimes feel --- there is that old feeling of "why bother?"  --- And so I have the ready-made answer for "why bother?" - which is, "well, this kind of math interests me," and it is equal to doing nothing at all.

I look at all my notebooks, and I could pick any one out and random, and the exercises would require just as much thought, and possibly much more thought, than when I initially went through them.  This practice has helped me to develop a healthy dose of self-doubt.

Maybe I have come to respect "lack of confidence" and DOUBT more than confidence and certainty; so anyone who appears to take a strong position with confidence is suspect to those of us with enough intellectual integrity to really doubt our intrinsic ability to understand anything at all.

Am I making any sense?

Something peculiar happens when we embrace self-doubt, or what I think Cioran referred to as Thinking Against Oneself.  Not only do we begin to wonder if we know what the hell we are talking about, but we may begin to suspect that hardly anyone does.   Remember when Holden mentions his perception of "couples out in public," how they appear to project this sense of "having their shiit together," having it all figured out.   Such confidence may be a sign that one has not entertained much self-doubt.

If I can't trust my own arithmetic, then I am likely to mistrust the arithmetic of others.  This kind of mistrust (or doubt) is not a bad thing at all to develop.