Author Topic: The Need for Illusions  (Read 33498 times)

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raul

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Re: The Need for Illusions
« Reply #45 on: November 06, 2019, 05:34:42 am »
Hentrich,

I am glad that you have found stimulation in this learning process of yours. I hope it continues that way.

“Do we really want to survive?   In the long run living is for pigs,” you write. My exit could be around the corner.

I see young pregnant women almost every day. The future baby pigs will be brought into this swamp of Earth. Our cities will be overcrowded and millions will have to live like rats. It is happening now in many parts of the world but the horror will grow worse.

Hentrich, you are fortunate. I hope it continues that way.

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Re: The Need for Illusions
« Reply #46 on: November 07, 2019, 12:29:31 am »
I wake in the middle of the night relieved to have some peace alone while my aging mother sleeps only to be gripped by the existential dread of losing her - and the effects this would have on my day-to-day existence.

I am not sure if I could "get through" that transitional process without succumbing to full blown "falling to pieces."

Even as I am most certainly atheistic, I can't prevent my heart from "praying," from crying out, "What shall I do?   How will I be able to maintain any kind of composure if I am unable to find a place to live where I might live such a life?"

For while the two of us can reside here with both of us throwing all we have at the costs of living (that's why I am here, so that my mom might stay here), one of us by ourselves cannot, and I fear the only work I seem to ever find is the occassional "labor assistant" in the usual capacity:  cleaning, maintenance, simple repairs, etc.    I hate that this world makes me feel so helpless, but I can't muster up the Illusions to quiet the anxiety that grips my bones in the middle of the night.

Not only will I miss my mother's presence as a person, but I will have a much more difficult time alone in this world without her in my life.   You see, due to the topsy-turvy nature of my life, several times I have had to stay with "the Mother" in between "evictions" and what not.    :-[

We may be close, but this close bond may have a cost.  At once I would be relieved not to have my mother pestering me constantly, but I would prefer guarding her as she naps in the afternoon.   I have all these mixed feelings that I just can't seem to get around, and as there is no resolviong such fears and dreads, if I am to continue any learning, I NEED to temporarily postpone the anxiety and settle into learning ... How can I study anything if I am a nervous wreck with no address?

How do any of us get along in this world?   What a terrifying crock of shiit this world is!

What I am trying to say is that, as much as my mom gets on my nerves, and as little as I have to spare after bills and rent and food is paid for, I simply would not stand a chance of dwelling in this current residence alone on what I rely on each month.   

Do you see, Raul, that when you say that I am fortunate and that you hope it continues that way, that you unwittingly have struck upon wherein lies the rub?

At any given midight in the near future I will awaken with the realization that I will never see this woman again.  She will have become a ghost.   I will have mixed feelings and there is no way around any of those feelings.

Senor Raul, I fear I will cry like a big old infant.

I also fear the changes, the drastic and dramatic changes that transform a studious somewhat content man into just another basketcase begging for change in front of the liquor store.

Life [Dark City style] has shown me already how rapidly our lives can be transformed.

What am I to do with such feelings that come in the middle of the night?   There is no way for me to prepare.  Raul, my current "mental stability," which includes this continued interest in learning, might very well be a necessary illusion.   What I really am is just a frightened animal.



I am gripped with the fear that "the predatory energy" (that John Trudell spoke about while he was living) would "collectively prefer" to see me raking leaves for vodka, forever a nervous wreck fearing eviction by landlord or feeling hatred (directed at me from neighbor) through the thin walls.   This collective energy may very well be what is known (in the USA?) as "the silent majority" --- the collective will of the predatory energy of the surrounding society (societies and subscultures included) would perhaps delight more in seeing me cleaning toilets and raking leaves, singing and humming while carrying my hard-earned loot to the liquor store for my rocket fuel so i could pretend I was Ozzy Osbourne all night.

I find myself wishing there were a secret order of mathematical monks who prepared texts for the future, shared common meals, shared common chores, etc ... but, well, most likely I will end up sharing a small room with another poor soul in a boarding house, if I'm lucky.   If I can keep my head together, i could always put "my work" in storage, keep the plug in the jug, and land safely somewhere; but, Raul, I have to tell you, this area of Dirty Jersey isn't too kind to "homeless, penniless wanderers" with emotional and mental "disorders" ---

I promise you that I am more cognizant than most officials and people in positions of [local] authority, but that situations can escalate rather quickly and I can be made out to look like an imbecile with broken wrists in a matter of seconds.   :-\

« Last Edit: December 11, 2019, 09:53:49 pm by Kaspar Heinrich »
Things They Will Never Tell YouArthur Schopenhauer has been the most radical and defiant of all troublemakers.

Gorticide @ Nothing that is so, is so DOT edu

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raul

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Re: The Need for Illusions
« Reply #47 on: November 07, 2019, 06:08:01 am »
Hentrich,

You are able to study mathematics and computer programming. Not many can do that.
I don´t know anything about the job market there but I think if you are forced to have a regular job I think you will have a better chance than many given your technical knowledge. Of course I may be wrong but that is the way I see it.

I also hate this world that makes us feel helpless. I only have a sister. I don´t care about my uncles, aunts, cousins and their children. I am not a family guy. After all they will never need me. I have no illusions that an angelic being will come to aid me.  Nine years ago my sister was robbed by a biker and stole her belongings by pointing a gun at her. Did an angel come down to prevent that? No, not at all.

But we, humans, are weak creatures and we need illusions to cope with the wretchedness of this vale of tears.

Stay safe and keep studying.

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Re: The Need for Illusions
« Reply #48 on: November 08, 2019, 04:14:23 am »
Quote from: Raul
But we, humans, are weak creatures and we need illusions to cope with the wretchedness of this vale of tears.

Without these illusions, I would be reduced to a terrified animal.   As it is, were I dropped anywhere out of nowhere, be it city or suburb or rural area, I would not be incorrect to say my life and limbs would most certainly be in some kind of harm's way.

Without indoor heating, the coming winter is Horror-in-Itself.   The hubris I might accidentally develop with intellectual interests is always, and I mean constantly, kept in check (haunted) by the moment by moment lived experience of navigating this angry/needy/weak animal-meat-with-eyes-appetite through everyday existence.

It is horrifying to consider how easily any one of us can be reduced to _________ (fill in the blank).

If the Elements aren't trying to kill us, or another human being (or lots of human beings) is hating us just for breathing, well, yes, tell all the children that life is a crock of shiit, if they haven't come to this conclusion themselves already from their own experiences.  I mean, they have brains similar to our own.  They'll figure this out for themselves eventually.  Or not.   :-\

To be honest, I suspect that I have lost faith in humanity simply from having lived as an actual man interacting with actual people.  I dislike so many and so much of what is held in high esteem by the conspiring societies, be it mainstream or the diverse subcultures.  I would not be interested in tutoring or teaching their little pod-stomach-children any math or programming.  Why?   When they grow up they will be killing me with their automobiles and "smart"-phones.   I have too much sense to think the conspirators want me anywhere near them.  They don't want me around them or their "employees."     Besides, I can't divorce philosophy/politics/attitide from craft, so I reduce myself to menial labor since I might bump less heads that way.    But no, there is no getting around philosophy and politics and attitude, not even if serving in the most menial capacity.  That is, there is no getting around the Conspiracy of Silence about the true nature of our lives.   Just talking about the real situation the way I tend to do, I think this makes me "unemployable" as I apparently can't seem to be able to read the script.  My mind and behavior may be "too set in its ways" to GIVE what this world assumes it can TAKE (my time).   I suppose, on some level, I may be wondering how to go about just dying gracefully.  How to embrace extinction?   There is no room for "deep thoughts" in the world of "jobs."

"Jobs" don't seem to be so much about skills and knowledge as they are about obedience training and ambitious desire to secure higher social status in the Planet of the Human Social Hierarchies.   Raul, I am a man with no connections, no resources, and few teeth.   How shall I say it?   It seems like job seekers must prostitute their entire minds.

How can any of us not come to despize ourselves simply for finding ourselves in the predicament we find ourselves in?   No matter who, no matter what, if you exist, you have grappled with your predicament.

This is why, I think, some mystics will intuit that the most certain way of getting to know other people better is to inspect our own inner processes.   To know others we must only know ourselves, but we hardly know ourselves since we need so many illusions just to endure being in our own skin!

 If we can ever manage to momentarily rip our own minds back from the Horror Machine of Biological Survival and to have some pity for the "meat and bones and blood" that is who and what we experience as ourselves to be.   Maybe this is what people mean when they suggest that we "love ourselves."

The problem with loving ourselves too much is that we may justifiably come to the conclusion that this world is not fit for such a sublime and sensitive creature as yourself, and that you must evaporate like a snowflake against the rising temperature.

There is something too brutal about the true nature of this world.   One can't help but imagine some poor soul going over their notes, about to have their throat slit.   No, I am not ashamed to admit it.   Each creature is born vulnerable to torture.   The only way not to become overcome with fear and anxiety is to reduce our concious attention to the "world" ---=---- that means billions of us, each obsessed with our tummies, families fighting over food internally, fighting over money and the brute facts of everyday reality.

This is why we are all so dumb-founded by the hundreds of channels of totally inane craap the power-brokers and war-mongers fill the airwaves with.   We are horrified by our own species, especially when we get a good close look at "people" ...

Take some comfort in literature, yes.   This may give a sense of having made a connection "with some intelligent life out there."   ;)

May we keep our heads together and be safe.  Should death take us, well, what a strange trip this has been, what a goddamn phantasmagoric dream - but as long as we are living Things, we are the constant prey of the Elemental Forces which bitterly mock our weak flesh.  How utterly terrifying!

And people do not generally speak in such terms.  That is the conspiracy against us, a conspiracy (by humans) against humans, family members against family members, where we are exposed to others constantly taking the inane craap seriously and mocking any calls to consciousness.

I feel fortunate to be the last in a small family.  I (we) can just bow out gracefully and quietly.  I (we) may have learned the great secret, that is, life has taught us (me) not to want it.  And yet I want to eat this bread.   I think I want to continue to study, that is, until the cost of living is just too much, then I would prefer an endless nap, thanks just the same.

It has been difficult to work through an exercise (stuck but studying more intensely and slowly), and I know I am fortunate not to be one of the poor devils in a university getting rushed through the first half of the text in one semester to fit into the systemically stupid grids of Industrial Civilization. 

This is a pleasant way to interact.  Only our "literary" identities interact.   We try to dig deeper.   Here we are, these angry stomachs with heads attached, noodles between the ears.   At any moment, something happens and we are gone, our animal body in danger somewhere in this dangerous thing we call a "planet."

The conspiracy is that, in polite society, we are required to silence all such "contemplation," and to basically mind our business and not draw any attention to ourselves (like a good frightened animal is programmed to do).  There is no doubt in my mind that other human beings, each and every one, are also frightned animals.  How could they not be?   

It is "cool" to pretend we have a philosophical grip on these riddles, but the most honest thing, I think, is to just admit just how baffled we are lest we end up sounding like the pretentious posers in so many textbooks who, at all costs, ignore the fact that "something is not quite right."

Mental equilibrium and composure is required even when panic and fear might be the more appropriate "animal stance".   

For now, like an animal in the wild, at least I made it back to dirty over-crowded Jersey in time to help my mom when she needs me.  What comes next?   I guess it couldn't hurt to reflect a little each day on our own corpse, behold the moon, take a deep breath, and let life just blow our minds as it has blown so many minds before ours.

peace
enjoy sleep
enjoy death as well I suspect   :D

the requirement (in order to live) is that we must eat food
we will eat food or we will not
compassion for all eaters-of-food
we are all in quite a predicament
« Last Edit: November 08, 2019, 05:04:57 am by _id_Crisis_ »
Things They Will Never Tell YouArthur Schopenhauer has been the most radical and defiant of all troublemakers.

Gorticide @ Nothing that is so, is so DOT edu

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raul

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Re: The Need for Illusions
« Reply #49 on: November 09, 2019, 04:55:27 am »
Hentrich,

Who can blame you for having lost faith in humanity? Interacting with our fellow human beings is exhausting. I have lost sense of solidarity. There is an old taxi driver near here who is still working because he has no social security. If I ever see him catching fire I would not even pisss on him to help him. I should be ashamed of this feeling but I am not.   Yes, we, humans, are real piece of ssShitt.

Indeed we, human beings, are terrified animals. We are weak creatures. We need food, water,shelter, and clothes to survive. And as you write “it is horrifying to consider how easily any one of us can be reduced to _________ (fill in the blank).”  We can die at anytime. A lightning can kill anyone, or a car or a bus or a heat attack or a thief waiting in the corner with a knife. I am also afraid of the paper gangsters and thugs in power. They kill you silently and with no remorse.

This reminds me of Dear and Compassionate Comrade Stalin who said: “One death is a tragedy. A million is a statistic.”, and “Death is the solution to all problems. No man - no problem”.  Certainly the Man of Steel knew what he was talking about. Every inch of the Soviet Union was soaked in blood.

I understand that you “would not be interested in tutoring or teaching their little pod-stomach-children any math or programming”.  I think that when they grow up they will try to kill you with newer gadgets. Cars and smart-phones would be outdated. Our world will be more insane than it is now.

I read that those who have deep thoughts in the world of jobs might fall in the category of what the DSM-IV-TR Manual, the bible of mental disorders, calls “Oppositional Defiant Disorder,” which claims that people have a mental illness if they have “a recurrent pattern of negativistic, defiant, disobedient and hostile behavior toward authority figures that persists for at least 6 months.”

I found one quote by U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt. He said: “The man or woman who deliberately avoids marriage… is in effect a criminal against the race and should be an object of contemptuous abhorrence by all healthy people.”

Drive safely.

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Re: The Need for Illusions
« Reply #50 on: November 09, 2019, 08:52:24 am »
Quote from: Raul
I read that those who have deep thoughts in the world of jobs might fall in the category of what the DSM-IV-TR Manual, the bible of mental disorders, calls “Oppositional Defiant Disorder,” which claims that people have a mental illness if they have “a recurrent pattern of negativistic, defiant, disobedient and hostile behavior toward authority figures that persists for at least 6 months.”

It must be some kind of diabolical Catch-22.

Last night I went to sleep afraid that I might finally be losing interest in what I have been studying, and this morning I woke up knowing I would continue studying even if I am 100% aware that such dedication to the development of technical understanding will most likely not ever help me secrue shelter or food for my sustenance.     For that, I will have to depend on government assistance if available, or I just have to come to terms with the hard brute facts of the human and Natural worlds we find ourselves in.

Wouldn't it be funny if this oppositional defiance disorder (hostility towards authority), this inner psychological resistance to the False Hierachies imposed by Force, were simply a direct consequence of "being honest"?

How can we defer to the authority of someone we do not trust or respect?

How can the authors of this diagnostic manual not see that they are part of an established order enforcing conformity to consumerist culture?    They would have no one standing alone in their thoughts ... It's all too messed up to make sense of in a few sentences. 

I was doing research on what the affects of long term unemployment might be, and I was bombarded with so many articles on "self-esteem" issues.  The thing is, from my research of "Rational Emotive Therapy" via "Rational Recovery" back in the 1990's, I understand that the whole idea of "self-esteem" may be false.   That is, as organisms we accept ourselves unconditionally and don't really need to give a lick damn about our "social status" in the false hierarchies based on "social connections" and "access to resources."

It's all a goddamn farce, and nothing is what it seems.  At the end of the day, I know that without modern industrial human society, it is unlikely I would survive as an individual organism.   We are left feeling pathetic, pitiable ... the illusions and hallucinations our egos entertain are not sustainable.

Thank you for the correspondance.  You help me see the predicament I am in more clearly.  That is, I see that my inability (or unwillingness) to EARN a living, the evident refusal of my animal body to be trained to obey clocks, commute in traffic, and do what is required to "make this system work," is being viewed as a BEHAVIORAL and PSYCHIATRIC issue, but that underneath the surface, what is going on is even more close to the spirit of U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt when he said (your quote): “The man or woman who deliberately avoids marriage… is in effect a criminal against the race and should be an object of contemptuous abhorrence by all healthy people.”

Just change a couple of words:

“The man or woman who deliberately avoids GAINFUL EMPLOYMENT… is in effect a criminal against the SOCIETY and should be an object of contemptuous abhorrence by all healthy [EMPLOYED] people.”

I think that I lose interest in what I am studying when I note that I am 52 years old and will NEVER be employed in the capacity of PROGRAMMER-STUDYING-MATHEMATICS or MATHEMATICS-STUDENT-PROGRAMMING.   All the deep philosophy and critical theory does not change the brute facts of homelessness or that we are these weak vulnerable creatures who need food and shelter from the elements.

I would have to be crazy not to be worried about my "future"  ... and yet, isn't it bad enough that we sense things will not end well for us?  Must we suffer to the dregs each day?   

I can't help feeling depressed.  I will try to gather up some enthusiasm, but I have not been able to maintain the necessary illusions.   In order to proceed, wouldn't I have to believe there were value in this knowledge?

I sometimes get the feeling I have been "had,"  "conned", "tricked."

I have experimented these past 4 years to see if studying mathematics again might be the best revenge I could get against the society that threw me overboard a quarter century ago.    Yes, my revenge has not been in the form of lashing out against the mall-rats, but in refusing to participate in the mall-rat society.    I do not want any trouble with these nasty human beings ... I just want to mind my business and try to remain living indoors.

Wherever I end up I will try to get the help I need from social services, but the whole idea that studying will provide me with some kind of "future security" is an ILLUSION par excellence.   There is no security.

Thank you for not requiring that I do not contradict myself.    There's no simple statement that can make everything alright.    It's hard to focus.   I am glad for what I have studied so far ... but, you know how honest I try to be, something is changing in me.   Part of me is losing interest.   The "professionalism" of "programming" along with the required politics of "connections" (and lack of skills in interacting with gorts) is a big turn off for me.  :-\

I study in spite of my lack of respect for "professionals in the industry" - also in spite of the rough-shod education I have been able to scrap together in Dirty Jersey in the midst of having nowhere to hide from the population explosion which I can't help but experience as a nightmare world.
« Last Edit: March 12, 2020, 10:52:03 pm by mike »
Things They Will Never Tell YouArthur Schopenhauer has been the most radical and defiant of all troublemakers.

Gorticide @ Nothing that is so, is so DOT edu

~ Tabak und Kaffee Süchtigen ~

Nation of One

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Re: The Need for Illusions
« Reply #51 on: November 09, 2019, 12:04:37 pm »
I had begun this thread with the following:  "The explicit awareness that you're a breathing piece of defecating meat destined to die and ultimately no more significant than a lizard or a potato is not especially uplifting."

I am not trying to portray myself as some kind of wanna-be academic nor am I presenting myself as a prospective "employee" to a company.  I have long since accepted that the more intellectual honesty I could muster, the less sense I would be able to make out of existence.  All the fear is unconscious?   

A couple saved spots in Denial of Death [explained]:

https://youtu.be/yWI3FtfKUAk?t=337

https://youtu.be/yWI3FtfKUAk?t=825
« Last Edit: November 09, 2019, 12:22:28 pm by _id_Crisis_ »
Things They Will Never Tell YouArthur Schopenhauer has been the most radical and defiant of all troublemakers.

Gorticide @ Nothing that is so, is so DOT edu

~ Tabak und Kaffee Süchtigen ~

raul

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Re: The Need for Illusions
« Reply #52 on: November 10, 2019, 04:27:36 am »
Hentrich,

I suppose the doctors, psychologists and psychiatrists must be using this bible of mental disorders in this country. I think that anyone here or there who disobeys the government will be viewed as a potential candidate for a psychiatric hospital. Who knows? I might end up there. This world,as you say, is goddam farce.

Consider yourself fortunate, Hentrich, in having this government assistance. If here you were not born in a golden cradle, or have a very well-paid part-time job or inherit some money, win the lottery, or any other kind of financial assistance, you or anyone would not be able to study mathematics and computer programming.  What you are doing there is not possible here.

I have been verbally attacked for failing to earn a living and for failing to be a so-called useful member of society. I do not make my contribution to the establishment. I am a defective individual. I am 52 and my future, if any, is gloomy to say the least.

The quote by President Theodore Roosevelt was taken from the following article:

A Brief History of Bullying Women to Have Babies by Therese Schechter

https://www.topic.com/a-brief-history-of-bullying-women-to-have-babies#:~:targetText=For%20well%20over%20a%20century,if%20they%20don't%20comply.
 
Stay safe.
« Last Edit: November 10, 2019, 04:32:06 am by raul »

Nation of One

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Re: The Need for Illusions
« Reply #53 on: November 10, 2019, 06:37:08 pm »
Quote from: Raul
Consider yourself fortunate, Hentrich, in having this government assistance. If here you were not born in a golden cradle, or have a very well-paid part-time job or inherit some money, win the lottery, or any other kind of financial assistance, you or anyone would not be able to study mathematics and computer programming.  What you are doing there is not possible here.

What I am doing here, studying mathematics and programming, would not be possible here either, even with government assistance.  You see, Raul, the environments one lands in when dependent upon subsidized housing, and just getting by keeping groceries, keeping ones limbs and mind in tact, does not leave much opportunity for intense commitment to technical studies.  It's a razor's Edge.

I do consider myself fortunate, but this "fortune" in the form of having an environment in which to study, well, that is something Fortuna blessed me with for the time being, and could end at any time.   My mother and I can barely get by together, but we are maintaining a humble abode in which we can rest, heal, and even study/meditate/think/nap ... It's a miracle that we are pulling it off; that is, scraping by, paying the most necessary, the most Fearsome and Predatory Banks that have the power/courts to take home of Maman.   It is comical that what I am pulling off, having the audacity to study what actually interests me rather than stocking shelves or being some kind of do-it-all gofer, is not so simple as receiving government assistance, although they did help me pay tuition with necessary monetary grants. 

I understand that there may be no government assistance for over-educated bipolar "anarchistic free-thinkers" in your neck of the woods, and, yes, I suppose I owe the government a big dose of gratitude for sustaining me, even if only minimally.   Unlike my nephew, I would be afraid to lose that kind of security by venturing too far from this occupied Turtle Island.

I'm not too sure about the details of Winston's [of Orwell's 1984] relation to the government apparatus, but my own is rather twisted and complicated.   I had been treated roughly since early adulthood, but then given a break with a maintenance job with the parks service for a decade.  I was a loyal and devoted employee who loved the woods and working outdoors.  Then came the desire to continue studying [mathematics mainly, with rapidly growing leanings toward the specific branch of mathematics called computer science] which began WHILE EMPLOYED as a grunt-flunkie semi-skilled laborer.    That education began 25 years ago, long before I began relying on the government for monthly INCOME.    I'm not proud of it, but at least I was honest enough with myself to see that my moods and attitudes, which make it that much more challenging to meet the demands required of human meat on this factory farm as far as "employment opportunities" go.

Only after I was discharged from my position with the Park Service did I seek financial assistance with continuing my education, which I was in the process of doing on my own with money from park job as a part-time student.   Then Big Brother helped me pay for community college, and when i did well, on to the university, but nothing panned out, you see.   I do not regret it.   I had not planned to become a permanent drain on the War Machine Economy, but, Senor Raul, I swear I really do not see where i fit into this maze.    many are succumbing to overdosing, suicide-by-police, etc.

No, I probably have my mother's need for me to stay out of trouble (out of harm's way) to thank more than the government assistance, although it is the "security" of this assistance which is the backbone of my ability to assist with the month to month survival strategy for "Maman."

Without the social security system and the welfare system, there would be absolute mayhem in the "land of the free."

Rarely have I been able to spend so many consecutive days deeply engrossed and even inducing a kind of "codemode trance" ...

No, there are places I have lived where I would not be able to have a computer for fear of it being stolen; or one gets harassed enough to keep the nerves just too fried to ever think of appreciating the sublime hiding in something so "logical" or "rational" as a digital computer or mathematics itself.


Only recently have I been able to really regroup and approach "modern" C++ as though it were an entirely new programming language.   I am also genuinely interested in the work of Alex Stepanov.   This has been due to a four year reprieve from the environments that were driving me to drink so heavy, the slumlords threatening eviction, the rough-necks out to terrorize me, bully police thugs out to mock me, judges out to scold, lecture, and punish me.

Now my attitude is very bad and most governments would be hard pressed to whip me too hard as I am ready to quit this farm should they push too far.

The moment the slave stops bowing to the master is the moment that slave is free.

Some see a psychiatric diagnosis as a label of "mental criminality" or "behavioral problems" while some may see it as a practical means of paying some rent and purchasing some food, not to mention books and notebooks. 

 ;)


Our brains do not have much random-access memory [short term].   I accept my limits.   This may lead me back to investigating what Kant was stating, but on my own terms, in terms of kind of bracketing off the world as will and representation as a "human construct" restricted and constrained by the limitations of our sensual apparatus.   That is, we can not possibly be aware of what we are unable to SENSE.   Is this the root of terror, the terror of not even knowing the extent of our ignorance.

Supposedly, according to Lovecraft, we would not be able to function were we relinquished of our ignorance.  As it is even, our sensory apparatus can be provably faulty.

I will not lie about government assistance as a mixed blessing.   Maybe my receiving such assistance might provoke animosity and rancor from someone without such assistance, even as you and I both know many gangster types, even low level street thugs (possibly police too) who snort, drink, fuuck, and eat in a couple days (or minutes) what I live on each month.    Many who receive this relief might erroneously spend the whole wad seeking relief in inebriation and "partying" for a few days, and risk starvation for the rest of the month.

It's a slippery slope, a Razor's Edge ... all that craap.

Gratitude is one of those emotions often required of our oppressors.   We must forever be grateful for our "safe and soundness" lest someone drag us off to a hotel room, tie us up, and proceed to beat us to a pulp.   It's a vulgar world for pigs, really.   

Whatever part of me it is that studies mathematics and programming or horror-literature-philosophy,  it is only a surface aspect of my existence.  Mostly I am adapting to living in a world that is not very appealing ... which is why I tend to focus on mathematical abstractions or even dark philosophy which questions the very existence of this so-called self who is supposedly so very fortunate.

Take care.

PS:  Where the F is Holden?   Did you catch that wave of "guests" ?   What the hell was that?
« Last Edit: November 21, 2019, 06:08:27 pm by _id_Crisis_ »
Things They Will Never Tell YouArthur Schopenhauer has been the most radical and defiant of all troublemakers.

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raul

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Re: The Need for Illusions
« Reply #54 on: November 11, 2019, 02:08:19 pm »
Hentrich,

Thank you for your response. I don´think you are a drain on the War Machine Economy and I don´t think your attitude is bad.  We all have our own worlds and given your circumstances you are doing what you can in New Jersey.

Those big banking families and corporations are the ones who cause much damage to the taxpayers in the USA. They are the ones who should be accountable but of course that will not happen. It is a vicious circle because those taxpayers fail to realize that they are contributing to the pyramid of power and wealth and injustice here, there and everywhere.

These big corporations that run this world did not achieve their power and privilege through honest and hard work. Don Corleone is a baby in comparison to these mega wealthy thugs.

I think it was St. Augustine who said that “government is quite often just another organized gang of thugs who legalize theft and criminality.” Millions of free slaves bow to these so-called successful banksters.  I don´t remember who said these words:
“Compassion is the vice of kings: stamp down the wretched and the weak: this is the law of the strong, this is our law and the joy of the world ”. This is the law they have been applying in this bitter world.

Those who know say that if Hamlet had been killed in the first act many would have survived at the end. Many will be in Hamlet list. The herd must stay healthy and therefore the weak must be sacrificed. This is much worse than MK Ultra. What a wonderful world!

I suppose Holden is taking care of his health. His condition, as he wrote, is delicate.I saw that many guests read this board. I am sure they have found your posts very enlightening.

Take care and keep studying.

Ibra

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Re: The Need for Illusions
« Reply #55 on: November 12, 2019, 03:09:11 pm »
for hentrich,
I read this quote from Alan Kay (a computer pioneer as they say) on quora https://www.quora.com/Who-are-the-most-influential-people-in-the-history-of-computing

Quote
I think of “computing” as processes that help one deal with ideas. And this covers a lot of ground (including various forms of mathematics, etc.) So: computers are things that manifest processes that help one deal with ideas.
.

I find a parallel between this quote and your stance regarding programming.


Hope brother Holden is well.

stay safe.
Suffering is the only fruit of human race

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Re: The Need for Illusions
« Reply #56 on: November 12, 2019, 03:45:10 pm »
I appreciate that this quote is at once both terse and profound.

computers manifest processes that help one deal with ideas ...

like the idea of matrix operations ... and all the gruesome arithmetic details, such ideas, in the form of algorithms, since abstract, are eternal.     Since childhood, the word eternal would have "religious" implications.   Now as I am aging, it may be dawning on me that eternity is outside of time.  It is unchanging.  Time implies change in space, no?   

It is said that we are fortunate to have been exposed to the sublime, or to have the confidence to roll up our sleeves and tinker with automating some techniques that may have roots dating thousands of years back.   On the one hand, we are dust, and yet ...

I wish to be humble enough to allow myself to wonder in awe ... It is all so much "bigger than us."

The Ideas, the techniques ... in a way, by trying to understand, by developing enough confidence to tinker, to explore, experiment, force ourselves to have to figure out technicalities and even to slowly  become more familiar with very unfamiliar ideas.  Our psyches are delicate.   Ask any student.

If I may serve as an example, one might always just resign oneself to never being taken seriously by "society," and to just go about your own business with your own agenda, your own curriculum, and on your own terms.   

On paper I may seem to have my head together, but these are only alphabetic symbols.  Moment to moment there is the underlying presence of anxiety and dread, maybe the dread of considering how very insignificant we seem to be in the scheme of things, and on the other hand, knowing that our minds are the very seat of the World, the very seat of any soul to be found ...

PS: I am also concerned ... that maybe something has happened to Brother Holden, and that this was the cause of the surge of guest activity for short bursts of time.    I have an imagination.
« Last Edit: November 12, 2019, 03:47:34 pm by _id_Crisis_ »
Things They Will Never Tell YouArthur Schopenhauer has been the most radical and defiant of all troublemakers.

Gorticide @ Nothing that is so, is so DOT edu

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Nation of One

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Re: The Need for Illusions
« Reply #57 on: December 10, 2019, 07:38:32 am »
The dread and anxiety is non-ceasing.  The only cure for this anxiety is self-deception, mass-hypnosis, mass-delusion ...

Myself, personally, to be frank, I am developing technical knowledge to keep the terror of organic existence at bay.   I have become so self-absorbed and inner-directed that I have witnessed personally how the meat-grinder might eat us alive and spit us out when we are too feeble-minded to keep up with the pace with which the libraries and styles are transforming.

David Abram discusses this crucial dilemma we all must be facing on some level - the contradiction between our rich intellectual heritage in comparison to the dismal reality we face as organisms dependent upon this fossil-fuel energized war machine economy, where we, as animals, are run down in the roads and left sleeping under bridges when we can't pay the rent or the bills or the taxes or whatever the latest scheme is for the banksters to scoff down the government relief funds of the masses and take the titles when the residents collapse from nervous breakdowns.

Oh, it's happening all around us.  When ladders fall, the most vulnerable place is at the bottom.  What I mean to say is that all the real "power" tends to be at the bottom on the front lines and in the trenches - that is, at the cash registers and in the rows and rows of produce on shelves and factory assembly lines, in postal workers hoofin' it day in, day out.   The Machinery of Society chews human lives up and spits them out, welcoming romantic and fertile peoples into the madhouse in order to fill the ranks of the Labor Force as they shuffle the "broken lives" of their "shot out PSTD" workforce onto the dole for "treatment."   

I see into the eyes of the populace, and it looks as though this species has amused itself to death.  People are starting to show signs of distress, disgust, and general apathy.

Their going to need a National Mental Health Day soon where even the president gets a day off to smoke some herb in his pajamas in the spirit of "John and Yoko" --- Everyone ought to reach down deep for compassion.  It's the only way we are going to be able to interact with one another in public places - with universal compassion and respect for how difficult being a member of our species has become.   ;)

I hate to sound like the Nazarene, but it may be the extremely wealthy who will be having the most difficult time in the dreamscapes within the mind-in-itself.  Things are never what they seem, after all.   
« Last Edit: December 12, 2019, 11:01:47 am by Kaspar Heinrich »
Things They Will Never Tell YouArthur Schopenhauer has been the most radical and defiant of all troublemakers.

Gorticide @ Nothing that is so, is so DOT edu

~ Tabak und Kaffee Süchtigen ~

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Re: The Need for Illusions
« Reply #58 on: December 11, 2019, 10:09:48 pm »
Without indoor heating, the coming winter is Horror-in-Itself.   The hubris I might accidentally develop with intellectual interests is always, and I mean constantly, kept in check (haunted) by the moment by moment lived experience of navigating this angry/needy/weak animal-meat-with-eyes-appetite through everyday existence.

~ something I wrote earlier in this thread.

Maybe we can live without illusions.  At least while typing the above, I must have been quite calm-and-matter-of-fact-ly facing the brute facts of my existence with a stoic if fatalistic resignation.  I understand that there is no cure, and that it might get (probably most definitely will get) much worse - but maybe there are cool spots among these hot coals of life.  Our feet become soft in the cool spots, but I have no animosity towards those who dwell their entire lives there in tranquility.

For those of us mortals subjected to the documented stress and anxiety caused simply by existing, illusions may be necessary.

Sometimes I think it is more amusing to consider the brute facts of our animality without having to declare that shiit smells like the work of billions of years of evolution.  Gargantuan logs of poop.

Maybe the people the world over ought to start rejuvenating that Old Time custom of exploring dreamscapes  (paying close attention especially to nightmares) in search of any communications with parallel dimensions about unseen dangers.   Most likely the visions of the night (or day) will be more related to the dreaming-animal-body's gastrointestinal-state than to any cosmic meanings or "instructions for the People."    The dream will tell the dreaming-animal-body that it has to poop, and this is amazing.  It's just not likely to be about the coming hurricanes and floods, although, if masses of kids are having nightmares about shootings, natural disasters, automobile accidents, more-anxiety-than-their-fragile-brains-can-handle, then our worlds really are far more fascinating (subjectively) than the media-$cum give the general population credit for.

What does an ape-like creature who has been culturally and even somewhat genetically transformed into an insect-like robot-made-of-meat write?  Technical manuals?!

  My wires are crossed somewhere, so the ZooKeepers say.   I think otherwise, but then I may not be trust-worthy due to my psychiatric diagnosis.  Catch-22.  Bingo!
« Last Edit: December 12, 2019, 10:57:50 am by Kaspar Heinrich »
Things They Will Never Tell YouArthur Schopenhauer has been the most radical and defiant of all troublemakers.

Gorticide @ Nothing that is so, is so DOT edu

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Re: The Need for Illusions
« Reply #59 on: February 29, 2020, 01:38:25 am »
Meanwhile, outside the BatCaves of the Rich and Famous, the municipal governments of Dirty Jersey, Turtle Island have ceased counting bee populations.

Not that bees are very important to the ecosystem's existential survial - even more pressing than climate change and hyperactive transmissible biological viruses.

I apologize if these outbursts are hypocrtical, as the very Beast which sustains me is the culprit, making me complicit in the demise of the bees, which would galvanize into action mass extinction without polination ... I'm no genius.  In fact, alcohol may have wiped out many cells; but I am sharp enough still to understand the gravity of depleting bee populations.   The snakes and fire-ants may be crawling out of sockets and drain pipes in basements in the massive onslaught of residences in areas where the creature of the Dirt are angry and hostile, fed up - with nowhere to go, including we human beings who are still very much deep down hostile primates.
Things They Will Never Tell YouArthur Schopenhauer has been the most radical and defiant of all troublemakers.

Gorticide @ Nothing that is so, is so DOT edu

~ Tabak und Kaffee Süchtigen ~