The establishment would treat both of you and others as hopeless cases. Both of you would be dumped into psychiatric hospitals.
This is why I choose not to reach out to psychiatrists for "salvation".
I don't like to use the word "genius" since it is such an abused word, and we all have misconceptions about what this actually is, but I would like to point out that Artaud claimed that the genius is a natural enemy to the psychiatrist.
When I am all wound up and filled with anxiety, even if it is over something as trivial as being charged twice for a book and the frustrations involved with making transactions over the Internet, I do not for one minute consider that I am suffering from the diagnosed psychiatric disorder "manic depression", "bipolar", "schizophrenia", etc ...
I know I am suffering the effects of the Will. I understand that this anxiety is universal. Thankfully it is just books I am jacked up on now. Many of our fellow-human beings are jacked up on powerful street drugs that have got them all wound up, hysterically depressed, to the point they become very dangerous.
Then we have individuals in positions of power and authority who experience the very same disturbances as we do, but, unlike us, they are in a position to wreak havoc.
I am blessed to have you and Holden to bounce ideas off of, because, unfortunately, Senor Raul, you are right about our qualifications to be kept in a hospital against our will should we expose some zealous professional to the dark color of our philosophy.
When I was 20 years old I had been placed in jail and eventually sent to an "honor camp". We were allowed to work ... out in society. They would actually transport us to gas stations and fast-food restaurants. Anyway, there were "poetry contests" each week. The winner would be permitted to take any book from the library (the facility used to be an army barracks for officers, so there was a decent library) to keep.
So, I would submit a poem each week and collect a book.
One week I was suddenly shipped to the main prison to see a psychiatrist because the guards at the honor camp were alarmed at one of my poems, one in which I wrote about how my bones longed to be in the dirt under the full moon.
They thought I was either suicidal or thinking of running away into the forest that surrounded the compound.
This is why I am so disinclined to get back into the work-force and accept my status as "psychiatric disability". My honesty disturbs others, and when they become disturbed, this causes me to be interrogated or even detained for observation.
I have learned that it is best for me to stay in my own little world and just fill my hours with math drills and tinkering with code.
I know I am mad, but I am harmless. There are those who do not know they are mad, and they may be far more dangerous for they may have positions of authority ...
Stay safe, brother. Thanks for checking in with us.
You and Hentrich and others who read this blog are "leaning strongly in the direction of madness". Take care of yourself.
We are leaning in that direction, and yet ... somehow I see myself as far more sane than the general order of the world. I mean, we all live in sick societies, east, west, north, south, industrialized or primitive ...
This is the paradox we face: If we suspect we are mad, we may be more sane than those who never doubt their sanity.
And yet, sanity is defined by society, so how does this work out?
I mean, if society as a whole is sick, and society gets to define what insanity is, well, I don't know what's what then.
I can't deny that I very often feel insane when I am working on mathematical exercises past midnight, when I consider how little I do physical exercise, when I drink far too much coffee to the point that it makes me anxious, when I feel very irritable for no apparent reason, etc.
And yet I would not be inclined to seek psychiatric help even though I have been diagnosed with a mood disorder. You see, I am not so sure psychiatry is an accurate medical science. I suspect it is more of a political apparatus used to police the intellectual realm, a way to discredit those who disrupt the social order with dangerous ideas. If one prefers to sleep in and does not feel inclined to race around a track or jump through hoops or "perform", if one shirks duties and responsibilities, well, one is either criminal or diseased, right?
Sin, crime, illness ...
Is it such a crime to be too lazy to ever be motivated to commit murder for the State apparatus?
Society praises poor farmers who take up arms to travel across the globe to kill other poor farmers of foreign nations, and the unmotivated dreamer who prefers to hide in the woods smoking mari-juana is demonized as a lazy deadbeat.
Which is worse? Sometimes I feel the entire social order is upside down, and that the wrong people are lionized.
Those who promote self-deception and outright lies when it comes to matters of belief see themselves as righteous, and yet the more noble and courageous who openly proclaim their doubts are condemned for their honesty.
Deceit and shallowness are praised, while deep thought is condemned.
It surely is enough to make someone who thinks very bitter, especially when the thinker is young and sees through the farce of society and the lies taking place in the "adult world".
I suppose humans use language and mathematics, for that matter, to deceive rather than to actually communicate.
When I used to do drugs with others, they would complain that I would just speak my mind and not censor myself.
When I write, I like to write in a stream of consciousness. Didn't Cioran say that writing is an alternative to suicide (and it's cure)? Or was that Artaud?
Is it a bad sign when some of those you really admire were committed to psychiatric wards for long periods of time?