Author Topic: Poverty Inseparable From A Scholarly Life  (Read 2648 times)

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Nation of One

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Re: Poverty Inseparable From A Scholarly Life
« on: September 02, 2020, 01:32:05 am »
I am finding it more and more impossible to "be myself unrestrained" in the company of so-called friends, that is, the few couples I associate with in the place I dwell.   There are moments when I feel I am being verbally abused or mentally fucked with.  Then, when inebriated, my temper flares and I feel this burning desire to state my case (make some attempt at closure, announcing some kind of vow to have nothing else to do with those who may not be worthy of my loyalty or respect) ...

Such situations would normally lead to self-blame where others can too easily blame "diagnosed bipolar disorder," "chemical imbalance," "alcoholic personality traits," or even ignorant/arrogant flinging around terms such as schizophrenia.  Even my own nephew pulled that crap on me and I have written him off as an actual enemy.  There are people I interact with who I have bestowed kindness to who do not reciprocate.

I think of Van Gogh and how Artaud says he was suicided by society.

I also witness how my mother takes great advantage of my energies, literally draining me of all my waking hours so that I must steal away hours in the middle of the night just to attend to my own interests.

People I associate with give me conflicting advice, and I am leaning strongly in the direction of justified paranoia.   I have been quite a scholar in comparison to the regular Joes of Dumbed Down USA throughout my existence, and when the **** hits the fan I am left being made to appear to be the nutcase.

It can be infuriating how a kind-hearted man can be turned into a monster by scoundrels and morally questionable run-of-the-mill sociopaths.

 ???

Another thing I have been reflecting upon and wondering about are the painful details of why people like Van Gogh have such tormented relations with the opposite sex.

What is it about the nature of human societies that make it so impossible for some of us to exist?   Clearly there are conspiracies and unconscious cruelties which, as Holden has suggested, are beyond anyone's power to be other than what they are.

As Pirsig prosposed in his Metaphysics of Morality (LILA), the sane believe they are "good," and even if they are practically morons, they all-too-easily jump on the band-wagon to condemn the man or woman "floating around an entirely different orbit."

There is no common ground and one must always be anything other than onesef in human society.   This leads to a great deal of wandering around alone like Nobody in Dead Man.



longer version:



It is just the way it is, I guess.

Some are born to endless night.

__________________________________________
"mental note" (taken 2 ways):  It might not be such a good idea to share homemade pizza pie ... when the ones you share the pie with disrespect you a day later, there may be great resentment.   ;)
« Last Edit: September 02, 2020, 02:02:17 am by Sticks and Stones »
Things They Will Never Tell YouArthur Schopenhauer has been the most radical and defiant of all troublemakers.

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