Maybe Sanders will win and your social security benefits will get enhanced.I hope that happens and that you continue to have basic amenities of life. I almost wrote that I would pray to God for you but then,I cannot really,can I,being an atheist and all.
I understand the complications. I find myself having to bend a great deal when expressing certain sentiments. I had left my leather tobacco pouch on the ground while rolling a cigarette of inexpensive "GOOD STUFF" tobacco, while waiting for my mom to pick up her "medications" ---- by the time I realized it and had a chance to get back to the place where I left it, it was not on the ground. I went into the pharmacy to see if anyone might have turned it in. A smoker would see the shoelace string and cut piece of wire used to wrap around time-worn cheap leather. Whoever found it must have known the pouch had psychological-value far more valuable to the owner than the stale dry contents.
When I realized someone had turned it in at the counter inside the pharmacy, I said, "Excuse me while I take a knee."
I authentically kneeled on one knee and did a quick "Thank you!"
I don't say any words before a special meal, but sometimes I do hold the plate up to the sky over my head if alone. The Native, JR (Who Shot JR?) from Montana who I met in a Tent City in Seattle had taught me that way of prayer, and it works for me.
If Old Man Sanders gets the Dem spot, I suppose I would break anarchistic tendencies and vote, but I sometimes even wish I were not so filled with anxiety at the thought of selling myself back into wage-slavery. I remember going on one interview in Manhattan in 2002 after graduating Rutgers with the Computer Science degree: wanna work for BLOOMBERG inc?
It was such a nightmarish journey into the place that I felt I was in some kind of Alien Space Craft landed in New York while in the interview. I froze up. I wanted to get the hell out of there as fast as I could. Upon my return to hometown Freehold in Dirty Jersey, dirty mostly 'cause of New York City, I suppose, I allowed myself to walk down the old railroad tracks and through the sticker bushes, out through the fileds and into to the woods --- to experience a nervous collapse, accepting that working outdoors with the Park Service was more suited for me, and that I may simply not possess the "nerves" required of the insensitive grinning robots fit for employment in Corporate Amerika ...
Well, Mr Bloomberg is running for president against everyone's favorite villian, but would rob the quite likeable Bernie of his seat just as surely as it was robbed by billionare Clinton's march to break glass ceilings. I don't like to pay these races much mind. I prefer to give whatever wits I can muster to mathematics or programming or just getting through my day/life.
Bottom line: Let's hope I can just keep my head together, embrace these years I have been able to study, and work through the real anxiety we must endure in just being organisms-in-environments. Each of us, no matter how secure under blankets or at the terminal of a computer "coding to learn" and "debugging to analyze", we can be thrown out there, and must "engage out there" often.
At least with the problems you are interested in, we can take those with us in our heads, to reflect upon when stranded in one of the zones of the Hell on Earth, a litle pocket or nook where one might find a few of those Schopenhauerian moments. He said that the prisoner is capable of reaching places of peace within the mind that princes would be reluctantly envious of, or something to that effect. Sorry Holden, like Ibra of the distant regions, some days my mind is in a panic and just races.
Today, it took me some effort to focus just to slow down enough to figure out the solution. It was almost as though it were an "intellectual exercise" which forced a spontaneous and short lived "phenomenological reduction," where I could block out media-narrative and even the narrative of my own "identity," and just patiently allow the algebra to unfold.
Have tons of patience. I am working on quadratic equations at the moment.Kind of things like-what is the condition for one root of the quadratic equation to be twice the other. Things of that nature. Needless to say I go very slowly.I need at least a couple of years more before I can be somewhat proficient at these kind of thing.My coat of arms has got a tortoise for I move really slowly.
As regards Lovecraft, I think it would have been better for him had he never married,what her name, Sonia. Had he never visited New York at all.
Patience may directly reduce anxiety. Good point.
"what is the condition for one root of the quadratic equation to be twice the other?" - Yes, these kinds of problems get my interest as well. I can become quite engrossed. I actually "love" completing the square and performing algebraic manipulations.
I also enjoy moving slowly, but sometimes, even when I am moving slowly to comprehend, often my mind is racing and spinning wheels.
Lovecraft did see New York City, as have I. I have not ever had any desire to live there, but I find such places frightening. Nightmare World, as Robert M. Pirsig called it. His 15 year old son was stabbed to death coming out of a "Karate lesson".
Lastly, thank you for the following. Maybe I have been giving Dr Welsing's theories too much weight. Poor Howard Phillip would be in the hot seat under her microscope, that's for sure. His subjective horror and fantasies to exterminate would only prove to useful, not upsetting her theories in the least. And yet!
Here's the thing: Who is anyone to judge someone for being horrified by the realities of our human cities, no matter what the root of the terror is. It's still terror in the presence of "what is."
I appreciate your input.
As for Lovecraft's decision to marry and try to find "gainful employment" in the city, would he have been better off struggling through his frustrations with mathematics while holding down a job as a clerk or something? What a bizarre world! Lovecraft had faith in 'civilization' , and that faith was shattered when he bore witness to the underbelly of this so-called civilization, which John Trudell declared to be not civilized at all. It has been brutal.
What is rather significant about Lovecraft is that he expresses the Will to Civilization rather innocently - if not innocently than naively, as though man might be able to exterminate and sterlize his way onto Heaven on Earth, a world where everyone was this freakish monster like _______ (fill in the blank) [ HINT: Oneself]