{∅, {∅}, {∅, {∅}}} : Rage Against the Meat Grinder

One of Harris' last journal entries read: "I hate you people for leaving me out of so many fun things. And no don't … say, 'Well that's your fault,' because it isn't, you people had my phone #, and I asked and all, but no. No no no don't let the weird-looking Eric KID come along."
Dylan Klebold said on the Basement Tapes, "You've been giving us **** for years. You're **** gonna pay for all the ****! We don't give a ****. Because we're gonna die doing it."
Accounts from various parents and school staffers describe the bullying that has been described as "rampant" at the school. Nathan Vanderau, a friend of Klebold, and Alisa Owen, Harris's eighth-grade science partner, reported that Harris and Klebold were constantly picked on. Vanderau noted that a "cup of fecal matter" was thrown at them. "People surrounded them in the commons and squirted ketchup packets all over them, laughing at them, calling them faggots," Brooks Brown says. "That happened while teachers watched. They couldn't fight back. They wore the ketchup all day and went home covered with it." In his book, No Easy Answers: The Truth Behind Death at Columbine, Brown wrote that Harris was born with mild chest indent. This made him reluctant to take his shirt off in gym class, and other students would laugh at him.
"A lot of the tension in the school came from the class above us," Chad Laughlin states. "There were people fearful of walking by a table where you knew you didn't belong, stuff like that. Certain groups certainly got preferential treatment across the board. I caught the tail end of one really horrible incident, and I know Dylan told his mother that it was the worst day of his life." That incident, according to Laughlin, involved seniors pelting Klebold with "ketchup-covered tampons" in the commons.

Do you ever find yourself resenting your parents for bringing you into this world?

What a terrible confusion!

I thirst for non-existence.  In this matter, I am incapable of lying to myself.

Thank you for this response, Holden.  You are most helpful in keeping the matter unresolved and still mysterious to me.  Who knows what really "went down" ?

I printed the Bully thread so as to have your insight into the Aryan [Iranian cow-herders] scenario-myth.  Myths are the way a culture explains reality, but it is interesting how some myths are presented as though they were historically factual events.

I wish we had an opportunity to explore these deep questions, but as you yourself say, it is too draining on the limited mental energies we have.   That's why I merged the topics.

There is another topic closely related but not quite in synch (with inherited religious tangled knots of contradictions); although, one could merge even "What happened to the Tribes of Europe" and tie in the bullied boys vs Assimilated Peoples … but the confusion would be further compounded by John Trudell's innocent mistake of grouping "tribes" of Europe, when it was not quite that simple, with all due respect to John Trudell who I greatly appreciate having been exposed to via the current "techgnostic magic" that is the Internet, or Interwebs as our English blokes across the pond call it. 
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an aside: Apologies for my tendency to demonize the British and Spaniards … I fully understand that the "subjects" of these powerful nations are often the most bullied populations on earth, being in the Belly of the Beast, as the saying goes in the Gulags of Amerika.

Also, my apologies for offending "citizens of the United States of America."  Let us remember that we are on the land of ancestors of the various tribal peoples who populated these lands for 70,000 years since crossing the "B---" Straights.  Perspective … as Holden reminds me, our personal realities have much more to do with our animal body and its dilemmas than the historical narratives; but I sincerely appreciate your perspective on this.
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I wanted to keep your perspective on the Iranian cow-herders "myth" (of their invasion and subjugation of darker-pigmented, more sophisticated peoples) … the invaders being merely militaristically more advanced and brutal.   I did not want to merge the Bully thread with Trudell's "What happened to the tribes of Europe thread to avoid the nearly cosmically comical misunderstandings that would ensue were the reader to confuse which "Aryans" one is talking about, both equally "ideations" that may not necessarily represent biological/cultural reality.

Thank you for continuing to broaden my perspective.  I am following the communications between you and Senor Raul, and I look forward to reading both of your perspectives.

I am thinking I may turn into a ghost out of nowhere, or, it takes so damn long to do anything substantial that one must move full steam ahead while one is "plugged in," and then rest in peace knowing at least you might get the attention of future cybernauts in distant future looking for an interesting "mind bend."   Nothing that is so, is so, right?   I mean, I may be the instrument of some crazy ghosts, fantasmos locos en mi mente!

Thank you for this Holden.  It is very helpful to me.  It's all so very confusing.

These days, one can't even discuss the politics of gender without some heated argument ensuing.  What I mean is, the tension between the "sexes" has a new dynamic.

As for "ethnicity" and "nationality" and "religion" - you are right, Holden - a great can of worms.    Reading Schopenhauer's WWR, volume 2, the chapter on the Metaphysics of Sexual Love helped me understand my innocent lustful attraction to women of darker complexion, the ones easy on the eyes, no doubt.    My animal body must long to merge with that which it is lacking: whatever it is that produces the dark pigmented skin and brown eyes.   Schopenhauer's explanation makes sense to me.   The darker is more attractive to the fair skinned; and yet the other way is not true.  Fair skin can be repellent or repulsive to darker skinned people.  Look at what an albino goes through.

And yet the social order, through whatever forces, seems to try to reverse this tendency.

Like Bollywood and those lightening creams.    It's all backwards as far as Schopenhauer is concerned.  This stuff is quite heavy, and I have been fascinated and troubled by it since adolescence, especially as a teenager when attending a private Catholic high school which was "all male," and - well, what is one to call it, Caucasians?   But whose ancestors are from the Caucus Mountains?   Maybe these are the Aryan Invaders.

There are those in south America who are hybrids of Spaniard Invaders and the indigenous "Amer-Indian" women who the invaders "raped."   War and ****.

One is called "Mexican," and yet ... before that, there were simply the indigenous.  So, there must be, all over the planet, these disharmonious elements within.

No wonder I look forward to returning to the mathematics and programming.  I am going through my notes while uploading to The Wayback Machine, and I have spent too many years going over and over such things.    It is what it is, and it's still creepy.

Who does one identify with, the colonizer or the colonized?

Holden, I sympathize with the total confusion caused by these color-coded socially constructed identities.   

I am honored that we can remain objective and not take anything too personal.   

In Africa ... well, you see, even in the realm of [Western] philosophy (and phenomenology), Africa presents a challenge, one I am not equipped to meet.  It will take many scholars with financial support.

For someone like me, just maintaining enough interest in mathematics and programming to keep me from sinking back into any downward spirals is all I can ask of myself.   

When such hypothetical, mythological, or even actual invasions take place, would the conquered populations retain a kind of inferiority complex?   When mixed, both genetic lines are present.  Who is who and what is what?

Mitchell Heismann, in the suicide "2000 page letter" implied that the man whom was the inspiration for the Jewish cult which became "Christianity," may have been the result of a  *** r-a-p-e *** (sorry kids, no immaculate conception).  That is, the "Mother of God" was raped by a Roman soldier.

Were any of the Roman soldiers raping the woman of the "Germanic" or Nordic tribes they invaded?

How many plantation owners were impregnating women taken into chattel slavery to produce a slave population?   How are individuals to make any sense of their lives in such scenarios?   As for Islam, it's also a slave religion.  The Muslims taught the Christians about slavery ...   One would love to ignore all this, but it is so in one's face all the time.

I think I am just thinking about these things because it is on my mind from goinf over old notes.   Since 2015, since I last swore off King Alcohol, my notes are filled with mathematics.  It's been all about computing.   Even in the way I am listing some of the contents of the "diaries" [copy books], the style mimics how one lays out a C or C++ program, using '{' and '}' as BEGIN and END, respectively - this shows that I am deep into code mode.   I see how troubling and disturbing thinking of these kinds of things can be.    That's why I issue a warning to potential readers.

We are each human animals born into cultures/societies.  There are subcultures as well.

I do not think Hollywood nor Bollywood are "culture," no more than McDonald's or Walt Disneyland are culture.    These things represent the destruction of actual culture.

Me personally, what I do is imagine the original land mass where Africa and India are near the center of it.   The land mass breaks apart and separates into the continents ... All primate life, including humans, originates in Africa.

Since we are all primates, all human primates, Africa is the original mother of all of us.   

So, what I do is I imagine my bones are similar to the bones of all others of my species, while also recognizing that some individuals may simply represent a far older lineage.

The native Americans who presented Basic Call to Consciousness to the United Nations back in the 1970's referred to the "white Christian nations" as reckless children abusing their elder brothers and sisters out of IGNORANCE, not necessarily out of meanness.  Just stupidity.

That's why I love the line in DEAD MAN, when Nobody says, "Stupid fuucking white man!" as he is kicking dirt.    He was mad because "William Blake" does not carry any tobacco.      Were he to have run into me, I most likely would have had some tobacco (I hope!) ... and maybe he would not be calling me such things.   Then, I suppose, I would simply be another human being, just like him.

Do you see how combative Schopenhauer was being with his little "aside" in WWRv2?

He wrote that there is no such thing as the "white race."

Caucasians are from the Caucus mountains.  I never fill out what I am supposed to on the government forms.    White?  Pink?   Caucasian?   What they want me to say I am is only an idea that does not really exist in the flesh.    I am a human animal, most likely with ancestors from Scandinavia and the very reluctantly "Europeanized" Germany.

Frantz Fanon said that Jung did not go back far enough.  Jung only went back to the Teutonic tribes from before the Roman invaders conquered the indigenous peoples of what everyone is trying to call "Northern Europe."

Another interesting anomaly is Egypt in Africa.   There is that lightening of pigment phenomena there as well.   

You want to hear something funny that shows how mythological all these identities are?

In the United States, there was the WASP "white" like HP Lovecraft, but there were jokes that Italy was just so close to Africa that, well, the Italians were viewed not so very 'white' at all.

There is still ethnic hostility in the area, especially between orthodox Jews and populations of the African diaspora alive and kicking in Small Town USA.

Again, no wonder we wish to focus on MATHEMATICS!

I believe the study of mathematics can help us transcend all these historical, cultural, and religious identities.  Maybe this is why it appeals to us.  It is not so very petty over traits that are so accidental as to be laughable if one were to claim "pride," as in ethnic pride.

We do not choose our ethnicity, so it really doesn't qualify as something one can actually be "proud" of, as though it were some kind of personal achievement.   George Carlin made this observation years ago.



We can, however, take pride in understanding how a certain algorithm works, and we can admire the mind who came up with it, no matter what the pigment of his or her skin!

Is it possible to hate mostly all living creatures?   Can I joke a little?

Most living creatures are total a-s-s-holes, especially ones with sharp teeth or stingers.
Asking us to love our neighbors is unnatural, of course.

Other species also bully, but none but "civilized man" invades, conquers, assimilates ...
Male dolphins bully, as do packs of chimpanzees, dogs, etc ...  Life suucks, big time.  It really is a crock a shiit.  Unlike Holden, I do not wish to be able to express myself in as a sophisticated and direct manner as Arthur Schopenhauer.   I understand that my life experiences have had an affect on my demeanor, on how I carry myself.   I am surely a scholar, but not all that much of a gentleman.   I admire and appreciate how well Schopenhauer expressed himself, but I do not expect myself to have to live up to such high standards.   After all, I am not living in the 1800s in Berlin, where there was such philosophical discourse taking place. 

 Maybe when Mr. Gary screams FUUCK-TARD, he means what Schopenhauer meant when he uses the word blockhead, or when we use the word gort.  We are expressing a frustration with what we perceive to be either the stupidity or the dishonesty or the self-delusion we imagine between the ears of the masses, or at least those among the hordes who never question the institutions of their respective societies.

Maybe I am just very moody.  The way Ibra feels about all people, sometimes I get like that with all music.    Some days I just want to hate everything.  That is, some days I allow myself to be totally honest and coherent.

Only a monster can see things as they truly are.    Are we to become monsters if we see too much, if we think too deeply?    Who could stand to be under our gaze with us seeing through all their "masks?"

As for sophistication, we have George Carlin, who got by with an 8th grade education, as did John Trudell.   They both had a sharp intelligence.  Both were wordsmiths.  Neither attended high school (secondary school).  Kurt Vonnegut Jr was educated in a university.  His major, engineering, you know, the natural sciences ... And when he wrote, he purposely dumbed himself down.  I don't know.  He might have sensed the anti-intellectual climate in "the United States".     Then again, he was writing professionally and had to deliver a product.   He wanted to reach an audience, so he did not want to frighten them away with technical jargon.  Neither did he use vulgarities as he thought this gave people a reason not to read what you wrote.   

When I read some of the French post-modernists, even AntiOedipus (Delueze and Guattari), or this Cyclonopedia by Iranian philosopher, Reza Negarestani, I think the authors might be pulling my chain the entire time.   I sometimes wonder if I understood one word in an entire paragraph ... Strange.   Confusing and difficult to express ideas don't make something high quality.   In fact, that's called obfuscation, and I hate to admit when a text I have been trying to really get into ends up being one paragraph after another of this kind of circumlocution .
 
I find a great deal of philosophical works use such bizarre terminology that I feel like they are just making things up as they go along. 

I do not intend to seek the approval of an imagined audience, nor to win over any disciples for Schopenhauer.   His disciples will find his writings on their own eventually, or they will simply come to their own conclusions similar to his.   All I can do is what I am doing now.    This small discussion board is the extent of my "deep conversations."   When engaging in dialogue with others, even as I speak on the same level as I do here, it is almost understood that I am one who "thinks too much," and I sense I may be the brunt of some jokes ... Too much education but no desire to commit to any "employer."

There are those who even make the mistake of assuming I want to be a part-time dish-washer or cleaning-man.  They don't realize the danger that poses.  They don't get it.  They have never read Orwell's Down and Out in Paris and London - about all those in France with university degrees washing dishes for 15 hours a day in fancy restaurants.  Orwell called this modern day slavery.   In the United States, people are proud of their chains, and they do not respect those who have slipped out of their harness!     There is, of course, mutual disdain.    If one says one would rather starve to death than do "such and such," the well-trained approval-seeking mob will say that one who refuses to work (or who does not wish to sacrifice one's life for the State) deserves to starve to death.

Maybe I can begin to question my own thoughts and see if they are really my own thoughts, or if they were planted there by those who farmed me.

I very much appreciate the education ... but most of it was self-education.

I think I'll sink into a nice quiet depression this evening and pray (to what?) for the ability to recognize the difference between the kind of humor that can save us from insanity and the kind of inane "ice-in-their-laughter" stuff that passes as comedy.

Is it possible to tap into the kind of laughter that comes from hearing something true expressed that is rarely exposed publicly?   Maybe resigning from this species requires that we find it repulsive, where even their beauty pageants leave us gagging for air, choking on the awful smell of perfume and nail polish!

I have taken on the persona/mask of someone with "emotional problems," but in actuality, I have a tremendous amount of insight and even a fairly firm grasp on my emotional state, possibly more than those officials who have it down on an official document that I am an "emotionally disturbed individual."   

Dr. Albert Ellis believed that if emotional health depends on acceptance of ambiguity and uncertainty, then religiosity may be the unhealthiest state imaginable.


The original post in the Bully thread is shocking.  Why?   Well, I actually found myself sympathizing with the rage those kids must have been feeling towards the society that bullied them.

You don't usually hear THAT side of the story.  The one who runs amok is demonized as pathological.  Never do they turn the laser bean of consciousness on the pathologies of the sick society that almost manufactures this insensitive mob-as-bully atmosphere.

I think that not giving a shiit what others think of us can defuse the rage and hatred one might feel when feeling humiliated or abused by the mob, the herd, some "in-group."

Yes, extended families count as society.  In fact, parents, aunts, uncles, and even grand parents can play a role in fuucking your head up, so, don't delay, and start questioning their rules and ideas right away.   

Humor helps too.   I have found couple make for awkward conversations!    It's hard not to put one's foot in one's mouth somewhere along the line.

Scorn the universe.    Maybe a total misanthropic is the way to go.  Don't romanticize any people as being somehow untainted and closer to some kind of "Natural World."

Maybe every single living creature spawned by the Natural World is an a-s-s-hole looking out for its own interests, as it should be, as all would agree.  Self-preservation is #1 priority.     And yet!

It's all so goddamn ridiculous, absurd, and pointless.   Most likely, there have never been any "good parents" ever.

That is, the best parents would not perpetuate this horrific comedy of  evolution; and hence, by definition, would not qualify as parents.

One argument against suicide, besides the difficulties of carrying it out, is that it might give too many satisfaction knowing that we could not make any sense of this life.  What if the development of our awareness of the nature of our predicament causes us to just "quit without actually committing suicide," where one simply goes through the motions of survival.

I find it horrifying that the confederacy of dunces delights at bullying its more honest and sensitive thinkers.

There has to be a way to overcome this tyranny, this conspiracy where the liars conspire to drive honest men to suicide!

This paper has caught my attention so I place it here for inspection:  On the Discursive Orientation toward Whiteness by Amir Jaima 2019.

My interest in it is related to A Critique of Power, which I mention on this board in Holden's thread on Hegel.