Author Topic: How to Attain a Studious Life  (Read 4113 times)

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Re: How to Attain a Studious Life
« on: October 23, 2015, 10:55:53 pm »
I supposedly experienced a nervous breakdown when I was 18.  I wonder if it had something to do with my being torn between the realities of our world (Native American reservations and the nightmare world faced in inner cities) and higher mathematics.

I rebelled against "computers" when I was a teenager.

OK.  Fast-forward to 1998.  I left my job as a maintenance worker to formally study mathematics and computer science (at age 30).  While I did well academically, I never followed through and got a job in the industry.  Maybe I experienced yet another nervous breakdown at age 36 or so ... I seem to reach a point where I become frustrated and angry and depressed all at once, a prime candidate for the epidemic of alcoholism, right?

Now, for whatever reason I am meddling with math textbooks again, trying to focus on areas of math having to do with algorithms and data structures ... programming. 

I swear I still experience moments when I see how this material would make a youth just want to die.

I have a low frustration tolerance.  I understand why one would prefer to mop floors and clean toilets rather than study math or programming ... and yet there is another part of me that enjoys dabbling as long as it is at my own pace.

I am a very frustrated man.  I do not lash out at others over my frustrations but tend towards self-destruction.  I think this is why it is best I do not drink alcohol.  There is a great deal of repressed anger in me.  The authorities must know this about me.  I have to keep my cool.
« Last Edit: October 24, 2015, 12:28:53 am by H »
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