I have been able to make it through the four chapters of the PRELIMINARIES in
Divine Proportions, and am now into Part II : Rational trigonometry, starting with chapter 5: Quadrance.
Most of my frustrations stem from the technicalities of algebraic manipulations. I may be forced to use computer algebra systems throughout the process just to keep my work "honest" - that is, to use the tools at hand in order to stay calm and not overwhelmed. I want to grab the bull by the horns.
In the meantime, I am reflecting on small bits of Metzinger, as far as "being no one" goes.
We are such fragile monsters, Prince Holden. I witness my mother's growing confusion, and I am also often paralyzed by our predicament, but I sense that these "abstract interests" will be the spiritual force which sustains me throughout this fascinating yet distressing existence.
Working through the sections of Divine Proportions, jotting down the proofs, working out the algebra when I am up to it and "in the mood" - all these little activities jump start the brain, giving it just enough to be interested in to force me to humbly endure the discomforts of creaturely existence for the sheer DELIGHT in comprehending the Lebenswelt in a new way.
I have to confess that I am often gripped in slight panic attacks when I find myself disoriented and perplexed while studying a diagram. I am tempted to feel like a fraud or engaged in an activity I may not be qualified for. And yet I fight this, Holden. I fight it because I have been a witness to my own life experiences, the mental experiences, the intimate explorations of abstract realms.
you and Raul mention mysticism in a different thread. Is there not some quality in a simple computer program that seems awfully similar to a magic spell? Think of formulas consisting of algebraic variables. Wildberger uses the three horizontal bars when defining points, lines, quadrance, etc. I like the feel of this with a 2B pencil.
I am just beginning to get a feel for his notation. If I can get through the agony of tooth decay and survive the psychological challenges of co-existing with aging mother (who is becoming terrified of her existential predicament), then I may continue to peck away.
In the meantime, we also must collect groceries and pay bills. My mother drives me crazy with all the manufactured drama over family gatherings. There are babies being born, back-stabbing conspiracies over the sniffles and common colds.
Some mornings I have to do all I can not to primal scream.
The math motivates me to resist urges to imbibe alcohol, but The Mother's constant demand for 24/7 psychoanalysis will drive this old Steppenwolf to drink - and then it would take God-Knows how long to get back to where "my mental state" is now.