Herr Hauser,
I was thinking about Dostoevsky,specifically,his novel The Gambler, which he wrote in a great deal of haste due to his own very real debts incurred because of his habit to play the games of chance.
I mention this because I ,though not in debt due to gambling, also ,most of the time write in haste here to you. My life circumstances,perhaps,would never allow me to elaborate things the way I would want to.
I have been and probably would remain, reduced to a line here and couple of lines there. There is nothing much that could be done about it.
From Wikipedia article on Kafka:
In his later years, Kafka's illness often prevented him from working at the insurance bureau.
Not until he contracted tuberculosis ( is that not rather wryly amusing),and it got so aggravated that he just could not hack it did he leave his job.
As you know at one point of time I worked as a waiter. And still I wait and I wait.I am the Eternal Waiter. Waiting not for Godot, but for deeper understanding of this existence I find myself in.
I don’t like to confront anyone for anything. Not for nothing is the Tortoise my insignia- I go very slowly and tentatively about everything and I hide within my shell.Only this ailment, it got me from within. I thought it would just be common cold and I would be right as rain in a week or so but no,Cthulu ,in all his might, rose up within my god damn lungs,almost drowned them.
It not like I fell in love with life all of a sudden but I would like to have some measure of control over how I go. I did not like being punched in the gut like that.Only goes to show you that we have exactly zero control over our lives.
Like in the Castle( the novel), I have two assistants ,in the Company. And they do everything but to assist me. It so surreal,its beyond bizarre.
That life could imitate art to this extent.
If it is my fate, to be the bug,then I embrace it, what else can I do?
With Nietzsche, I say, I accept the fate. There is a nice word for it. The fate has my acquiescence(accept something reluctantly but without protest).
Now, being the eternal waiter,I wait for your reply.
Keep well,Herr Hauser.
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