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Why Bother? / Re: Diary Excerpts (Senor Raul,Mr.Silenus)
« Last post by raul on Today at 11:29:48 am »
Holden,

Thank you for sharing this sad, extremely sad story. What more can I say? Life is a nightmare. Life is disgusting. But only a few can realize that. As Silenus says life is a game never worth playing. As they say in American English this world is a big hoax. This world made for exploitation and suffering.

Sometimes I would like to live in most people´s bubbles but that is not possible. My bubble burst out and there is no
going back. I try to repress my thoughts in front of people when I hear them. It is bitter to do that. As you say misery is our companion and nothing can change and above all nothing will change. 

Most think of money and so do I, yes, money, the operating system of this insane world. But I think one of these days this operating system will be shut down.

A week ago I talked to a computer technician (51) and he told me his father passed away in August last year. His old man suffered from Alzheimer. He has an 8 year-old daughter.  I wonder if he ever thinks that his child may in the future suffer this terrible sickness.   

Thank you also for the Wikipedia link about the Buddhist mummy and asceticism to the point of death. Most interesting. If I show the picture of this Buddhist monk, Luang Pho Daeng to anyone,well, some may think that I need to go to a psychiatrist. 

Stay well.
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Why Bother? / Welcome to the Machine
« Last post by Silenus on Today at 09:26:02 am »
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Why Bother? / Re: Diary Excerpts (Senor Raul,Mr.Silenus)
« Last post by Silenus on Today at 06:28:19 am »
I would never profess to being like Chris McCandless except in temperament, in that I too am disillusioned by my surroundings. So while I do feel the need to let a little chaos in my life and "take off" as I have in the past, I come running back home like a coward. The world is unforgiving both in comfort and in insecurity alike, so it ends up feeling like a trap either way. I enjoy being with you all on the forum because each of you recognize this fact.

I am my most content when I am unemployed. And there is rarely a day that goes by when I wonder why I am doing so. What am I working for? I don't spend any money except for helping with the family grocery bill, and on cigarettes and bus fare. I am interested in what I'm learning at the job, but really what's it all for? And then on the opposite end, what terrible events could arise if I were to forego the job yet again? It's a big trap that a few lucky men and women can make it out of, such as Hentrich. Even though he had to go through hell just to get there.

Even still, if one can make it out of employment, we will never escape the prison of consciousness and the inherent dissatisfaction of the body.

I am sorry that you have to deal with the office politics. I imagine that you've done your best to distance yourself from it. I can only say that one must draw the line in the sand early on. I am surprised that I was even hired at this hotel, when I told my now-former boss that I cared more about myself than the "company reputation." From then on I've had enough small conflicts with others and shyed away from the "work family" bullsShit to the point where no one bothers me with it. I will not tolerate anything beyond a means to any end except my own "well being," which is simply LEAVE ME ALONE. :)

I sympathize with you Holden. I have found out more about myself, my emotional and mental tolerance, and discovered my disgust for life in all I have rejected, rather than affirmed. Rejection has been my path all along, and philosophically speaking it began with discovering Thoreau and Emerson about 6 or 7 years ago. That was the tipping point for me, to find thinkers who shaped their lives largely by negation and a skeptical eye. The peices fell into place from there.

If one day you choose to live out your path of rejection and refusal in the form of refusing nourishment and hydration, well then maybe you will have reached your own personal conclusion to life. I think it's honorable and respectful to oneself to choose how to check out of this game that was never worth playing.

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Why Bother? / Re: Diary Excerpts (Senor Raul,Mr.Silenus)
« Last post by Holden on July 19, 2019, 09:01:58 pm »
I have been studying this subject for a few years now Mr. Silenus.I posted an article here somewhere about 4 years back which says that most animals die this way.

VSED(Vee-SED) is as close to a natural death as one is going to get.
I have been having a series of nightmares due to bad office environment.Just woke up and saw your message-thanks.

I was watching this movie -Into the Wild

https://youtu.be/g7ArZ7VD-QQ

and it sort of reminded me of you.

As to its being a  painful method,well,I went for 3 days without food and water last year around this time and it's not painful really.

I was so tired that I felt like sleeping ,keeping the eyes closed all the time.I felt like throwing up from time to time but that was it.

I remember walking the streets of the city about 15 years back looking for some kind of sleeping pills because my existence was so miserable even back then.

Nothing has changed.Nothing can change.Misery is my companion.

Also I do not like violent methods becaus it's again Will asserting itself.

I am a really miserable guy, Mr. Silenus.I have glimpsed the Truth and it is Terrible.
The meaning of life is in rejecting it.
This appears to me as the least bad way of leaving this hell.

In Hinduism,Jainism and Buddhism ,there have been many,many saints who went out this way.

This is about the only hopeful thing left for me. The crime of having been born is the worst crime.
I am not the kind who can pull the trigger.
Most animals in the state of nature just stop eating and drinking.I am one of the animals.





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Why Bother? / Re: Diary Excerpts (Senor Raul,Mr.Silenus)
« Last post by Silenus on July 19, 2019, 07:49:45 pm »
Reading about the diet and water reduction is interesting. So is the fact that these asectics are praised for doing so. Could you imagine the horror on an unassuming Westerner's face if you showed them that photo?  :P

I do have to wonder if this is the least painful way to check out. It would be reassuring if it is so. And it makes sense if it is fairly pain-free. Our bodies probably evolved to "shut down" in the event of a lack of resources, given that our scavenger/hunter state precluded agriculture. Don't you ever wish that we never "got fat" off of planting and harvesting, Holden? It would have saved generations of large populations from misery.
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Why Bother? / Re: Diary Excerpts (Senor Raul,Mr.Silenus)
« Last post by Holden on July 18, 2019, 12:19:58 pm »
Senor Raul,
You might want to read this.I found on the internet:



Have decided to voluntarily stop eating and drinking. Have ordered my do not resuscitate bracelet and have enough gastric chronic problems that frequently cause me to be unable to hold down food or water sonthe dehydration should take less than the seven days and leave enough questions that my eleven and eight year old sons will not realize mommy did it on purpose so they could have a better life and a better new Mom. I may wait until my sons’ respective baseball seasons are over. The younger one made his first All Star travel team and I know no one else will drive him to faraway tournaments. I am so darn proud of him. I want our relationship to be preserved and I do not want to murk the one sport he enjoys and is a dynamo at. So...August, it is. My kids do not deserve an unfixable Mom and if they resuscitate my estranged vindictive husband will make sure I suffer. Colostomy bag, more huge scars, whatever he can sign papers to have inflicted on me at hospital he will. (He does not believe in religion or even spirituality but somehow believes the universe is rightfully punishing me for having eating disorders when we were young. He thrives on my suffering.) He can not afford to divorce me and remarry so he hates me even more but is stealing our joint money one week at a time and opening secret credit lines. I can’t even pay off our joint debt (which he calls “mine” because he refuses to do things like meal planning or hire repairs, or make sure the kids have clothes/shoes/needs met) so that I can get us a smaller place if he leaves. He has me by a string and is hiding all sorts of things and he is not making it a secret that he is counting the moments until he can find a better wife than I am. He wants to be super fun happy weekend Dad. So whatever stepmom he chooses better be amazing or I will haunt her ass.
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As usual ,I am not okay:) Can never be okay.
I agree with your take on the video.This movie called Into the Wild is about a man who tried to live on his own in a forest and ends up starving to death.

I rather liked the man's outlook.The painful operation as Schopenhauer,calls life,is on and I don't want to leave in the middle.

I observe myself when I am drinking water and when I am eating.I am a machine which is no longer interested in keep running anymore.

People in my company call me insane.Well so be it.Thanks for knocking on your side of the prison wall.Its much appreciated and very reassuring.

I don't see any sense in keep filling up this machine's fuel tank anymore.There are billions of them anyway.
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