{∅, {∅}, {∅, {∅}}} : Rage Against the Meat Grinder
General Category => Why Think? => Topic started by: raul on September 15, 2019, 07:19:57 pm
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Mistro Prison Cell
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x6GEL8p_E-w
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Wow, Raul, that was just what the doctor ordered, thank you.
It's truly spooky. The truth is far creepier than fiction. We just have to reflect upon our own lives. We might comfort others as they awaken to the nature of our metaphysical incarceration.
Welcome to the Prison.
Welcome to the Nightmare.
We did not create this world.
If there is a Creator, it would know my heart
and I would not fear any kind of wrath --- sympathize with the poor devils of this world,
but one also must be wary of mobs and bands of pirates.
Schopenhauer and the loaded revolver under his pillow ?
In Asbury Park, I would sleep under a window on second floor
which I used to be able to climb.
I slept with a small cast iron pan by the infalatable goddamn matress.
Primal Fears are real, and the earth is a madhouse.
It is very frightening to be swallowed by the Giant Gargantuan Heartless Mechanical System.
My rhetorical question is this: Does this penal colony stem from the institutions of industrialized "agricultural-civilized" ARMIES and PRISON-SYSTEMS of mankind, or is the prison/factory/farm ambience of our existence built into the very fabric of "life," deep in the veins and sinews
of the Earth itself, or, even more fundamentally and universally, such as cruel social hierarchies in pecking orders in many mammals. As for reptiles, that's entirely different can of worms. ;)
We are so powerless over so many things - beyond the societies we are born into, our sex, species, etc ...
Once born, we have little "control".
Do the Authorities of our various societies represent the Will to Power [CONTROL]?
The true nature of our reality is that we control very little. So many claim to know the nature of our existence, but it is as mysterious today as it ever was. The Riddle is unchanging. The nature of this riddle is its insoluability. Maybe part of my brain, an egotistical part, is trying to be clever with language, hoping to discover a loophole in which to slip through to a restful cycle, taking it as it comes like everyone else must do as well, at least We Suckers and Dupes who Decide Life is Worth Living. ;) :D Or just mearly impossible to induce one's own death, even though we are fragile physical creatures with many requirments. That is we require heating or cooling in extreme climates. If we get too wet and stay wet, hypothermia. :-\
I understand how much our own particular societies resemble Ultra-Futuristic Slave-Farms where we exist for a purpose none of us knows or could even comprehend. I truly doubt our brains, which are made of meat, amazing just the same, could understand that which it is only a "part". It is an appendage to the bilogical machinery of our animal bodies, namely the mouth-stomach-anus trinity, with the brain as some kind of central processing unit. I apologize for the mechanistic terminology, but I do so to clarify a point.
That our consciousness can be viewed as a "non-solid entity/personality" trapped inside animal meat may be a consequence of the violent imposition of Written Language on our perception of reality - the very idea of psyche which came about after Socrates, before Plato - hence, we know Socrates from Oral Tradition through Plato, the Scribe/scholar. I'm not so sure these were real individuals or just idealized images in my head from misinterpretations. So maybe phenomenologist, David Abrams, would be able to explain it mushc better than I could.
The thing is, we are our animal-meat-mind-bodies, but we are hardly at all conscious of the mind-bogglingly complicated organic processes working on "automatic-mechanical" mode, beyond the threshold of consciousness. Maybe if I suffered a brain injury, no one but my own sister would recognize me, for my "spirit" would be gone. My "personality" would be gone. What is this spirit or personality that is identified as the consciousness inside the brain? Is it the frontal lobes?
It's frightening what can be done should "doctors" [God help you if Military or Prison doctors paid to do dastardly deeds] tamper with parts of the human brain. I am frightened to live in such a world where I can be so easily subdued, harnessed, and brought against my will for a frontal labatomy. "You cut out his brain you bloody baboons!"
Modern jail cells are torture chambers in that the institution, blindly but often knowingly, uses your own animal body as a weapon to inflict suffering: minimal nutrients keep you depressed or anxious, I suppose - or constantly being woken up so as to break your spirt, to further damage your sometimes fragile machinery. Often one pities one's brother-prisoners, for many have great personal challenges to overcome, and without a pot to **** in, nor any family who can stand them anymore.
I applaud artists who passionately articulate just how dire a situation we all may be in.
I will listen to it many times to see if I can discern whether the artist includes Nature/Life-in-general as having the quality of prison, or if he is strictly and only irate about so-called "civilized" Global Penitentary disguised as "the modern world," possibly eevn a trick played on our brains, as though extraterrestrial intelligence had taken our ape-like species and transfromed it into "batteries" of hives ... apes transformed into insect-like cancer cells. Who knows what the hell is going on, but the Indigenous Mexican in the county jail in my hometown was spooked by some of the white-skinned, bald headed guards. He called then fucckin aliens. I'm also a similary complexioned bald-headed dork, but I let the straggly beard cover all my missing teeth - and the remaining ugly ones as well. Guards, on the other hand, normally have good teeth and dental care, not to mention their quasi-military police training.
It's all one big local army "State Mafia."
Ronald McDonald is the gang boss in charge, or just another clown since nobody is in control of this haywire cosmos! >:( :D
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Wickedly Intelligent aka Hentrich,
Thank you for your response. I got to know this Norwegian Mistro through the blog The Last Page created by Rafael Tages. He was a Brazilian who used to correspond with Say No to Life/Karl White. Unfortunately two years ago Tages deleted his blog.
Yes, this Earth is a nightmarish penal colony and we are the unfortunate inmates. Yes, we are in a civilized prison. In this prison we are all equal in slavery.
It is true when you say “Once born, we have little control.” We do not choose anything. We do not choose life or death. Both are imposed on us. It is called the cycle of life.
About that Mexican Indigenous man you wrote about, I think it is not your fault to be born white-skinned man. I did not choose my skin color.
This reminds me how bad we treat the indigenous communities here. Yesterday I heard on the radio that some indigenous communities are making their complaints heard to the authorities. I heard that the indigenous people use their children as a shield in the middle of the street to stop the traffic near the government building. I often see the indigenous women with their children in the streets.
As you and Holden have pointed out several times the source of the most serious evils affecting man is man himself; homo homini lupus.
Take care.
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Senor Raul,
I am sorry I couldn’t write to you sooner but I have really lost my marbles.I saw the Mao quote you left the link too, well, India in going to be more populous than China in a few years. Yes, we die like flies here,for that is what we have been reduced to-flies.
Coughing fits. Well, that the least of my problems. It rains here frequently and the weather is generally quite gloomy. Even one has turned against me,every single person in the office, and the family members aren’t exactly friendly either.In the midst of all this trouble, I do thank my stars that I have been sane enough/insane enough to not get married. That would have been the final straw that broke the camel’s back and this camel,though, weakened , is still crawling.
I have spent more than three decades on this planet now and if you were to ask me the simplest of things ,I’d be unable to respond. This world is too strange for me. I admit, I cannot make the heads or tails of it. I just get this vague sensations of like and dislike but no coherent thoughts-not one coherent thought.
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Holden,
Here many think that those who attempt to commit suicide should not receive any help. I often heard some people that only God can take life away and nobody should usurp that decision.
I probably have bronchitis. The air is polluted in the city due to extreme weather change and the fires that we have been having these weeks.
Those who turn against you are clearly hard-headed people. It is normal. It is the behavior of homo sapiens sapiens. We supposedly are twice wise, sapient, intelligent, rational, thinking beings.
Millions fail to understand that we have been captured, kidnapped, that we are in prison. There is nothing normal in human existence. All seems to be teleguided or imposed in a system of brutal exploitation in this black hole called Earth.
We consider ourselves homo sapiens sapiens and yet most dot not ask themselves if it is possible that we have been designed to be slaves.
Millions consider themselves rational and yet they do not ask themselves if we have been designed to be procreating animals. This is the reason women have breasts to breastfeed. We do not ask ourselves if we are farm animals. We will not see ourselves as ssshiitty monkeys.
The pleasure we get in sex is can be compared to the mouse that presses a lever and a piece of cheese falls and every time the mouse presses the lever a piece of cheese falls again and again and that makes him happy. Pleasure is a chemical trap that makes us accept the reality of our condition as slaves.
Stay safe.
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Senor Raul,
Thank you for your post.As you know, there is a great deal of turmoil in this world and most people are literally blind as to what is happening all around them. And there are no pills which make this pain disappear. None.If the goal of life is to realize that it is not worth having, then I learn a new lesson every day. My work life is so complicated that it would not be out of place at all if it were a part of Kafka’s The Castle or The Trial.
Yes, believe me, I myself can barely make head or tails of it. And yet I cannot deny the fact that,while I suffer, there are people getting married, having kids, going on vacations simultaneously.
Is it any wonder that these married people, who are popping out one kid after another and who look forward to their annual vacations deem me as someone not in his senses? No, it’s only to be expected.
If they are not mad,and if they are having kids, chasing promotions, then someone who does none of these things must be.Basic logic. My parents think I have become weird because I read weird books,well, they are putting the cart before the horse.I read weird books because I can relate to them. I can relate to the Castle because I have been trying to gain access into one, and with the Trial,because I undergo one every single working day.
How do these books end, I mean, the Trial and the Castle, not well for the protagonist. The workmen are as bad as the industrialists,you know. I am no socialist. There is no peace to be found anywhere,in any political ideology. Not while we still wear this flesh suit.
Take care.
https://youtu.be/5gNp2eEorIg
https://youtu.be/Qt3P9PH0ERU
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The background music in the Inmendham vlog Holden posted is Koyaanisqatsi: Life Out of Balance composed by Phillip Glass. I had found the CD in a music store in Downtown Seattle after I found an apartment to dwell in, cry in, eat in, and hide in ... but there is no hiding from the life-processes we are.
I also have a second copy of ARTAUD ANTHOLOGY. I had given a copy to a particularly wound up young black man in an apartment complex in Matawan, New Jersey, just down the tracks from "Perth Amboy," a small city that is pretty much entirely Spanish speaking, where many of the residents are from Dominican Republic and such places. It would appear that the industry of chattel slavery spread the people originally from Africa to every corner of the globe, wherever there was a demand for "slave labor."
Anyway, the youth in question was having a rather rough time with life, and I figured he would get some relief from reading Artaud's bold outbursts. I don't know. He may still be having a hard time, but maybe reading Artaud helped. Maybe it made things worse for him. I suspect his life will be difficult. There are many I do not keep in touch with from the past. I do find myself concerned about the plight of others, but there is not much I can do. Taking care of myself, and being around for my mother to help her pay the bills/rent/living-expenses is about all I can handle.
Thank God that getting and staying in long term romantic relationships (or marriages) requires a level of deceit and self-deception I have never been able to muster. Of course those in such relationships would like to think that there grass is greener; but I suspect they are the real suckers. Never mind about the truth. The truth leads to the poor house, don't you know?
I will look for a more appropriate thread to drop the down and dirty hyperlinks: How about in Holden's Where there is a stink of ****, there is a smell of being... (http://whybother.freeboards.org/what-now/there-where-it-smells-of-****-it-smells-of-being-artaud/)
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Holden,
Life brings death. You have not brought death. That is to say, you have not married and brought children to this insane world.You have become a celibate.You put words into action. You are in a higher state. A celibate is the opposite of someone (including me) in anesthesia.
Romantic love, the trap of nature, in order to replicate life as you well know. You will never be understood.That is your treasure. That is your love. Not the love of millions of women (and men) who are eagerly waiting for a newborn to come. The power of the female vvagina is truly diabolical.
Two days ago on the bus I saw a young woman caressing his baby. He suffers from the Down Syndrome. She was kissing the baby on his head. Seeing that made me very sad.
Most couples I see are young. I suppose they recently got married. Yes, marriage, a legalized prostitution, under mutual consent. Would I say these words to a man or woman who has been married/chained for twenty, thirty years? No.
Millions love future corpses, millions hug and caress bodies that one day will die, millions sleep next to people who will get sick and rot in the future. They kiss people whose mouths will one day stink and be homes to worms, they bathe next to skin, muscles that any moment will be taken to intensive care units(if they have money) and vanish forever.
Necrophilia is not a choice. It is only a matter of time. Each of us is a vampire looking for flesh and bones that makes us forget, at least for some time, the inexorable passing of time. We are corpses in search for other corpses to feel alive.
Yes, most are blind, including me, but there is nothing to do about it. Most remain as sleepwalkers.They will die as sleepwalkers. It is like throwing arrows at the sun or as, I heard, the Persian king Xerxes, after a violent storm destroyed his fleet, had the sea cursed. Nothing will change. After all we are not creators.
Stay well.
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Herr Kaspar and Senor Raul,
There is just too much pain in this world. And time is passing away all the time ,how is one supposed to rest? One cannot, of course. Life has no clause for resting. Only the dead, rest in peace?( or do they?).
I have no doubt that this body will wither away with time and with its disintegration the consciousness I bear ,will disappear too,but given,the fact that there is no end of time, how could one ever rule out Nietzsche’s eternal recurrence being true literally? That’s a hard nut to crack. We are not in control of anything here,there are greater forces at play.These things, as you rightly say,are beyond human comprehension.And yet, pain and suffering are real enough.The realization that life is suffering is the patrimony, Schopenhauer has bestowed upon us and we mustn’t lose it under any circumstances.
By the way, I just finished skimming the only published work by Schopenhauer I had not yet checked out,namely,”On Colours” and sure enough, in the midst of the fairly technical subject matter there are a few gems buried there as well.
There are these blind spots in my mind,I don’t even know exactly what it is that I don’t know.
There really might be no way out for as long as we hold onto our individualities . Its only when it has been tossed out..but that’s speculation again.By the way, I am amazed by number of errors I encounter in maths books.They all need good proofreaders.
https://youtu.be/KjA7QaQlndY
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Holden,
We are in a cosmic brothel, Holden, where we are exploited and we exploit at the same time. There is no guarantee that even in death we will rest in peace. No guarantee at all.
As you say we do not control anything here. We are under control. Once I said that I envy these men with big fortunes. However I envy more those who already left this world.
Stay safe.
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Hey, Holden, what would you think of an imaginary discipline called "Mathematical Phenomenolgy" ?-Herr Kaspar
It might surprise you but I have thought of this phrase you used. About maths, I don’t know what I don’t know,at present. But I am doing a bit here and a bit there. At the moment ,I don’t know what I would be able to learn finally, but the process itself is satisfactory.
I want everyone who ever gets to read this message board to know that nothing is worth being alive,not money,not anything. The game is flawed.Life is not worth having. That is all the philosophy one needs to learn, in the final analysis.There are so many homeless people, they have not taken bath for years.Their whole body and rags they cover themselves with, are full of dirt and grime. The city is so crowded ,one needs to see it to believe it. One big slum,that’s what it is. And even the rich and the powerful, they also suffer I am sure.No one is exempt from suffering.
In every form of organized religion ,be it Hinduism or Christianity, there are charlatans galore. Before I met you I was suffering from some kind of inferiority complex,because I thought that the rich and the powerful are superior to me in some way and that I have no aptitude for math. You have helped me overcome these bad feelings. I must have earned some very good karma in the last birth,that I could know you and your thoughts :)
I have decided to take the responsibility for my own emotional well-being. No point in seeing a shrink. With you ideas in my mind and Schopenhauer’s and Cioran’s books under my arms I am as prepared to endure this world as I am ever likely to be.
As you know far better than me, studying mathematics is a slow process. But the process is on.And if I lived for a couple of years more, though I really don’t want to be, I would have something concrete to share with you.
I wish to be as honest as you are,write even my loneliest of thoughts here. You know that old Greek saying, “Go, tell the Spartans, stranger passing by
That here, obedient to their laws, we lie.”
Well, I would want all the kindred spirits who ever visit this message board to see the true face of life,bereft of all distemper and decoration. I want them to see it for what it is.
But there would always be only a handful of us. Heck, it might be that some highly sensitive dogs and animals maybe closer to us in weltanschauung than some of our so-called fellow human beings.
Keep well.
-Raskolnikov with a maths book
https://youtu.be/SVJpi20eZT8
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I'm not crazy about seeing shrinks either, no pun intended.
It bothers me that we have professionals who actually act as if they know what the hell they're doing.
That we are able to communicate in this manner benefits us both, and possibly others who read these open and sincere communications. We're a kind of symbiosis, no?
Like you, I am also disturbed by how rigged the game is, as far as human society goes. And yet, isn't Nature's game rigged as well?
Perhaps the most courageous thing we can do at this point is to take some pride in our "sensitivity," as opposed to being ashamed of it, as though it were a sign of weakness.
You have much wisdom and insight, Holden - good instincts too.
Our communications benefit me as much as you, since, well, in a society where philosophical issues are mocked (they say "money talks, BS walks"), the respect you show me simply by reading the words I type with attentiveness, this is something rare in this vulgar world.
I know that, were you to see me dressed in rags, stinky, dirty, homeless, and possibly even drunk, you would not damn me to Hell, but would maybe only think something like, "This world is dragging this man through the mud so nobody listens to him ..."
I had also had many resentments toward the wealthy and well-connected, but I am becoming less resentful and trying to appreciate some of my own personal qualities that have developed from not having access to a great deal of "Democracy Dollars."
I have to go. I am being summoned.
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In every form of organized religion, be it Hinduism or Christianity, there are charlatans galore. Before I met you I was suffering from some kind of inferiority complex, because I thought that the rich and the powerful are superior to me in some way and that I have no aptitude for math. You have helped me overcome these bad feelings. I must have earned some very good karma in the last birth,that I could know you and your thoughts.
~ Raskolnikov with a maths book
Beware of those who insinuate that if maths is easy, then you haven't studied enough maths. It is quite humbling to consider our limitations as individual specimens of this strange and tormented species of ours. Even now, I tried to rise early enough to be able to inspect a nasty bug in my code that prints an "endless" series of complex numbers, and I also really wanted to type up that Artaud "Letter Against the Kabbalah" ---- but ... This consciousness is only an appendage of this animal body that I am now.
The reason I suggest keeping a series of personal "mathematical diaries" is so that you might witness just how "slow" the process is, that you can refer to older notebooks when returning to material, revisiting ideas.
The ultimate irony is that those who commit themselves to careers, such as "Information Technology" system administrators and the like will be swamped with petty and annoying details of specific systems, say something like Microsoft Windows, chasing certifications and the like just to possibly escape a life of manual labor or being some kind of do it all office gofer maintenance man. En masse the youth (which we all once were) are enticed, encouraged, and prodded along these "fast tracks" - where many are pressured to project an image of confidence, but may secretly be filled with self-doubt. They may end up feeling like a farce. After all, I suspect that a great deal of confidence, when it comes to professionals and "careerists" be the false kind of confidence, where people may rate themselves by what they produce as opposed to what they actually understand.
Neither you nor I are under any kind of pressure to pretend we understand more than we do. This is very liberating. We can take our own sweet time. I'm doing my time with less religion and more mathematics, less passive entertainment and more computing, less "economic security" and more philosophic realization of the absurdity of existence. Security is absurd.
I think that whatever understanding you are able to gain over the years, as long as you can keep from becoming hooked on booze or coc-aine, and don't go whacking any old greedy women with an axe (or ax?), will be authentic and something you would appreciate like a secret treasure that no one around you will be able to see not acknowledge.
Studying in this manner develops the inner life, I suppose, where you experience cycles of despair and some confidence building.
Again, I am being interrupted constantly so I must stop.
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Just before the 1 minute (actually, like 56 seconds) mark of the song linked to by Raul:
"Life is a jail. If you breed, you're the personnel."
Also, Holden, the presentations created from Mr. Gary's rhetoric, with background creations are classics. While I don't have patience to watch most vlogs, the ones you have chosen, especially when accompanied with music and art work, well, I do appreciate your hand-picked illustrations of his more lucid and coherent reflections.
As John Trudell used to point out, if there is anything the Predatory Class [energy] FEARS, it's a clear, coherent, thinking human being:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n9QVpLLDNo8
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Thank you for your posts,Herr Kaspar.
In the afternoon today I felt to tired because of all the office work,my very bones felt tired ,I felt like I should just chuck away the very heavy backpack full of documents I carry around for official purposes and just leave with no definite plan of action. Just walk away. Walk right out of the city. With no burden on my shoulders I might be able to reach the end of the city and just hide in a field. Just lay down on the ground. Let the elements do with me what they will, I felt so tired that I felt I would be able to bear it all. Just disappear like that.
When early in the morning I go to the office, on my way to the subway, I see a lot of nursing students clutching the books on obstetrics under their arms.Most of these students are women,barely in the late teens and I know that they would have no idea how darkly funny it is that I am walking right past them with one of Cioran's books open in my cellphone and they are coming from the other direction holding onto these, very,very thick books on obstetrics.
Its hard not to be scared in this world. I confess I am out of my mind most of the time because of fear. I think you are like a Schopenhauerian John Galt, who just shrugged and walked away.I think I might start posting the little math problems I tinker with ,off and on. I just might start doing it.Who knows, you might like one of them,one of these days.Well, I am coughing my lunges out, so that's an additional cross to bear these days for me.
But there are moments when I stop feeling scared of anyone or anything, like the moment in the afternoon today I told you about, I was crumbling down because of the exertion but there was no fear in my heart at that moment. None.
There little videos are classics, no doubt.
https://youtu.be/yRxCM5zmsX4
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To Herr Kaspar and Senor Raul,
My coughing has stopped for the moment. I took some medicines prescribed by a doctor I contacted online. That’s saved me a lot of time and it was cheap too.I hate going to hospitals.I feel that the time is slipping away way too fast. Its Saturday and the next thing I know, its Monday already. They say most of the suicides are committed on Wednesday. Didn’t Keynes say that by this time of the century we would be working for just a few hours in a work week? Well, for all his intelligence, he turned out to be wrong.
Cioran was from Romania but lived most of his adult life in France and wrote all of his books in French, Beckett was from Ireland and he also lived in France and wrote in French. Kafka lived in Czech speaking region,but wrote in German. Herr Kaspar is, ethnically, a German, but his family has been in the US for quite a few generations now and so he writes in English. It’s all mixed up,muddled up,shook up world ,isn’t it?
I have been studying Functions. I find the topic challenging and yet not so intimidating that I cannot comprehend it. My parents are talking about money and buying new household goods all the time. They have a good slave in me.Yes, but I like to read Cioran.Its only now that I have beginning to understand what he really meant.
On the telly, the whole day long, they are running storing about India Pakistan tussle and my father loves to watch them and root, obviously, for India. I am not bothered about the news much. I’d rather do some maths,read Cioran.
The prescription drugs in the body have stopped the coughing fit that started about three weeks back but have made me slightly jittery. Well, I will take the jitters over the coughing fit.Herr Kaspar is right. If could stick with maths for a few years and remain away from alcohol, I would have a treasure trove in my mind. Its uncanny because right before Herr Kaspar wrote that post about remaining away from alcohol,I had been thinking of liquor. Whether it was the coughing fit or something else which made me think of alcohol, I don’t know. But yes, it was uncanny.
I had a few dreams last night and would write about them in the germane section
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response to A Future at Jeopardy:
Parents are over-rated, especially in the 10 Commandments.
I dare say the Grandfathers of the Entire Universe (the Elder) are over-rated, the whole lot of 'em.
That music put me in a defiant mood. Subtle? The Great Earth Mother Herself may be over-rated, and it may be a rare man, indeed, who has allowed his heart's true feelings ever be correctly perceived or conceived by the intellect.
We might be shocked to know how our heart were to sound were it able to articulate its contents, its data, its "feedback" "INPUT" === representation.
What is the heart's representation of the world?
I'm not talking about the mushy tender romanticized "wishy-washy" tender feelings, but mainly the unspeakable hatreds: such as the resentment one might feel toward a father's hand directing his walking by a squeeze on the neck, the resentment a child feels sulking in a corner after being "intellectually/psychically/physically" bullied by an arrogant or ignorant adult or parent.
There is a certain righteous indignation most all children (all of us at one time) have experienced in the world of thugs and brutes dictating the actions of the adults in their world. Well, it's a bit like Holden's "Joker."
Let it fester? Let it just keep building up, all the righteous indignation?
Anyway, I'll be driving my mom to mass, taking books, pencil, paper, in the spirit of Raskolnikov-with-maths-book, trying to elevate from the madness with a few holy moments of reflection, maybe even making it down to the ocean if I can get through Ophra Winfrey's and her neighbors' "beach fronts". ;) :-\
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Herr Kaspar and Senor Raul,
During the very first year of being a slave ,that is,of being employed back in ’09, I was living in a small dingy room in a third rate hotel. I was reading a lot of Bukowski those days.I still think he is a great writer. He said things as they are to a very large extent.
I was working in one of the north-western states of the country and in the winter it gets really cold there. Once the space heater I was using to keep the room warm ended up setting the room on fire,as there were newspapers everywhere in the room.But what’s the point in reading the news? No point at all. It’s the same thing over and over again.
Most of the protagonists of Bukowski, like the author himself, like their drink. But I,well, I don’t think the fundamental problems of life could be tackled with a drink. I mean,there is a kind of pain which is so deeply buried in my soul that I don’t think any kind of drug or drink could ever possibly reach it,let alone cure it.Metaphysical malaise cannot be treated with material medicine. Yes,well, if only I could find a way to disappear into the pages of a book..maybe a maths book.I’d be alright then.
As Cioran says ,solitude is so addictive that evey encounter with a human being can feel like crucifixion.
My maternal uncle ,my mum’s eldest sibling,liked to drink very much. He died when he was still in his mid-forties. He never really had a regular job so the entire family always considered him as the black sheep. He liked to read a lot. Mostly spy novels.Stuff like James Hadley Chase.They arranged a marriage for him and it did not end well. Not for him, not for his wife,not for the two kids, my cousins, the marriage resulted in.He died back in 2002.
For now, I am just drinking in Cioran’s words and doing what little maths I can.
https://youtu.be/CwlGuETE9sY
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Herr Kaspar and Senor Raul,
Writing here helps. I helps me to pour out my inner most thoughts, which may not always be pleasant. Leaving them inside to continue to putrefy is not good.Most of the people that I know deserve nothing but hatred and if there were a hell, they would rightly belong there.Most of them are dull,a job, a wife and two kids, that's the norm here and were you to deviate from it then you are well nigh an outlaw.
Parents are by definition sadists.Yes, but they have no free will. I don't want to have anything to do with people.They only wish we ill.People have no idea what they are dealing with here. I agree with Mr. Gary a hundred percent.
They just want to feel as if I don't know what's going on, they want me be keep confused and retarded. Well, I am not retarded. I understand that what I am experiencing is one of the worst things that can possibly happen to a sentient creature. Now, I may not know the solution to this weird situation we are all in ,but I sure as heck, am not going to make it even worse by trying to chase money and skirts.I mean, if one looks that this world, with patience, one can take it apart piece by piece and what is left in the end is clearly anything but pretty. It is hideous in fact.I don't want to be a pink balloon chaser. I don't count myself as kind man but I am not such a monster that I'd bring another sentient creature here to suffer and die just for my amusement. I mean if my parents are so dumb that they cannot comprehend what the heck is going on in the world, then what kind of divine right did they have to drag me to this hell?
But,here I am, for better or for worse..here I am.
https://youtu.be/jEDeqlKh_u4
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For Senor Raul:
You know what he [Eckhart] said? The only thing that burns in Hell is the part of you that won't let go of your life; your memories, your attachments. They burn 'em all away. But they're not punishing you, he said. They're freeing your soul. [...] If you're frightened of dying and holding on, you'll see devils tearing your life away. But if you've made your peace then the devils are really angels, freeing you from the Earth.
(Jacob's Ladder).
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Holden,
There is nothing much to add. I am just overstaying in this monster farm, planet Earth.
The scope of your reading is vast. On the other hand the scope of my ignorance is vast.
Most would never understand the disenchantment and tragic nature of this existence. In order to sustain life slavery must continue at all levels.
As you know any manifestation of life means death. Human beings can only save themselves only by embracing nothingness, supreme nothingness. Nothingness is the only parent that should be honored. It does not mean that our parents should be harmed. Even, in my view, if we wanted to punish our parents for bringing us to this slaughterhouse, there is no punishment that fits the crime. None at all.
No creature in creation can love in this world. Love means death. We are in prison and therefore love is not possible. Humans can only feel anger, fear, wrath, hatred, emotions, happiness, etc. It is not love we, humans, feel. I think we only have emotional affections.
Love is the most prostituted word in this world. Flesh conditions us. The animals inside us fear much. The gods are great vampires.
Shitty and aberrant apes, sacks of bowels, that is what we are. Most do not want to realize we are monstrosities. We do not want to accept this sad truth. Our attachment to this world is madness. Most will become violent in hearing these truths. Most will continue to embrace pleasures. Man animal.
Bringing children is worshipping this creation.
How can all these million and millions of years of creation end up in this imperfect homo sapiens? Much art is aberrant and yet it is worshipped. Is this all coming from a sort of cosmic Gang Bang? The entire creation should be dissolved in nothingness.
The wheel of samsara, the wheel of pain, as you pointed out.
Stay safe.
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Senor Raul,
That's a rather beautiful and poetic post you came up with.Nothingness is a can of worms.Simone Weil writes" My existence diminishes God's glory. God gave it to me so that I may wish to lose it." I, of course, like Herr Kaspar ,take exception to her use of the meaningless word God.Kierkegaard believed in the leap of faith or so he writes, but I suspect he knew ,in his heart of hearts, that Regina Olsen would not be coming back...
Yes,they are playing the songs again, songs devoted to "God",they all dress up in their Sunday best and head to the the shrines of the Goddess.
It makes no sense to me. When I was about ,well, seventeen, I lost all my faith in the goddesses..except for the ones made of flesh and blood.They continue to entice me ,more's the pity.
I am reading Cioran,Anathemas and Admirations, finished All Gall is Divided already.For the the very first time, I am comprehending why exactly Herr Kaspar admires him so much.I am like a gypsy with no permanent place to call my home. I wonder from one place to another. I read a theory which states that the European gypsies are originally from India.Did I tell you we breed like rabbits?Well, its true. We do.
I am one of them too, a little rabbit, who is expected to be fruitful and multiply.Only I was always partial to division when it comes to arithmetical operations.My life cannot be a failure now, I am quite certain, to have known you, to have known Herr Kaspar, is enough to save me from being a complete and an utter failure.Did I tell you that my city host's Asia's biggest red light area? Well, it does. I have nothing to sell though. I have only these bitter and rebellious thoughts.Not worth a farthing in the marketplace.
Again,we must not make the mistake of believing that everyone is like us.That could end up being the fatal error. You and Herr Kaspar are similar,I give you that. You both belong to similar grades of the will. But,for example, take any Hollywood actress, most probably ,she is NOT like us. Not one bit.
There might be some fish in the bottom of the Pacific Ocean which might to more like us than the said actress. People like are, well, there are just a handful of people who belong to this particular grade of the will.
I don't know, I don't understand the breeders.Maybe I don't want to understand them.I am not a saint, in fact, I am a very selfish guy in a lot of ways, but I draw the line when I comes to ushering in more inmates into the prison. I just won't do it. Till I was about sixteen I was sort of gortish but in the seventeenth year, my mind burst out into a million pieces.I just could not comprehend this world. All the movies, they are all fake. Most of them, anyway.There is no such thing as romance, lust,yes, but not romance.Not really.
https://youtu.be/4OWl5nTctYI
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Holden,
Thank you for your words. You have awakened to bitter truths and therefore many will see you as a failure. Those who insult you are doomed also. In time they will experience torment. Their mockery will become tears. They do not see themselves as Shittty and aberrant apes. That is life. Until some time ago I used to regard material success highly. I was very ignorant. I still am. I think now that those athletes, soccer players, racer car drivers, celebrities, top models, CEOs, politicians, etc, only achieve dust. Their success is a mockery in this big mental asylum.
I understand that in different circumstances I could have become one of these successful people or as the U.S. singer Marilyn Manson calls them, the beautiful people. We all will become food for the worms. The beautiful people turned to ashes.
Late better than never says the proverb. It has taken me a long time to realize that we are chained to aberrant human bodies. We are chained by our culture and biology.
Your city host's Asia's biggest red light area? The entire planet is a huge red light area. This reminds me that near here there is a brothel in front of an evangelical church. Well, the pastors supposedly take care of the soul while the others take care of the body.
The real kingdom of heaven is nothingness. The entire creation is an infernal aberration. You know already that. Hell is living on this Earth. Are we not all the creation from a cosmic incest? A huge cosmic orgasm? A splash of diabolical seed?
Yes, I read that the European gypsies are originally from India.Here in this devil-forsaken country people breed like rabbits too. What can I say? It is part of the programming. We are homo fornicans.
You are not a salesman. I view you as a doctor. Doctor Holden with a severe diagnosis of life. You do not prescribe blue pills. You prescribe black pills with the bitterest truths. Your pills provide bitter knowledge.
Take care, Doctor.
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Senor Raul,
Thank you for your message.As always,much appreciated. I am repelled by the sordid nature of life. Any life.It is ,by its very nature, vulgar.No matter how many cathedrals they build, they would never be able to alter this nasty little fact. I see couples engrossed in conversations-what is of such significance that they talk so intently? The next generation.
I often feel as if my brain would implode.It has every reason to do so.They keep playing bawdy songs over and over again-till one is driven out of one's mind or decides to hang himself from the nearest tree.
If I were to check out some of my posts written a few years back I would find myself railing against Capitalism. Denouncing privatization.Even,being a naive man that I was, praising Socialism. But I realise now,that the socialists are also as much of a scumbag as capitalists are.There is no way people are going to live with each other in peace.
People running around with poop inside of their bodies.With all kinds of bugs inside of their intestines.Isn't that a pretty picture? They want more of it. I don't know what this climate change thing is really all about, but if its messed up, I don't think human beings can set it right again.Once the
the genie is out of the bottle,well, that is it. There is no going back.With the kind of population we have in the city, a bit of a reduction won't really harm us. Heck, I would be the first one to volunteer. But no one is asking for volunteers. They just keep bringing more and more victims inside the system. More and more and more and more.There is no end to it. There will never be an end to it.
Fountains spurting out semen..Kids hatching out of eggs.That day is not far ahead when we would be reduced to literal cannibalism.
"Do you want fries with that?"
Aristotle studied for at least 20 years under Plato( he was already in his late teens when he came over) and they want us to be working by the time we are eighteen.Yes, that's right.They don't care whether one can comprehend what is binomial theorem is ,all they want is that one should be able to say-
"Do you want fries with that?"
https://youtu.be/f_WuYoq-OYw
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Aristotle studied for at least 20 years under Plato( he was already in his late teens when he came over) and they want us to be working by the time we are eighteen.Yes, that's right.They don't care whether one can comprehend what is binomial theorem is ,all they want is that one should be able to say-
"Do you want fries with that?"
It is diabolical how all that is promoted is production, with no authentic respect for understanding.
Holden, Nietzsche witnessed the mockery of Philosophy, and we witness the utter mockery of mathematical knowledge. They will wish to make fools of the mathematically inclined or mathematically mature adults who have no earning power or are disabled by depression and anxiety. It allows the fascists in charge, the Little Big Shots with Some Power, the Power to call the Police, which is Mr. and Mrs. Everyone, to get off on having the unconventionally intelligent at their mercy.
I am witnessing this in our era, Holden. They will turn Knowledge of Pure Mathematics into the equivalent of PhD in Philosophy ...
Our species is far too vulnerable and weak - as you say, filled with fear, terror, horror, and even psychological shame and sense of humiliation and disgrace; malice, rancor, envy, acrimony, ressentiment (resentment?) ...
We are manipulated by those who control the masses by the fear of Public Opinion.
Maybe poems I wrote while drunk in 2003 (and posted on the InterWebs) might have ensured I would never be gainfully employed in New Jersey. Who knows?
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Holden,
Once again thank you for your words. This is a hostile world. Will we ever be free from this chain of suffering? I think not.
“People running around with poop inside of their bodies.With all kinds of bugs inside of their intestines.Isn't that a pretty picture?” Yes, people will never see themselves as monstrosities. We are trapped by the flesh. Holden.
Many do not see that men in the past were androgynous. Men have breasts. A ppenis and a **** in a human body. Humans are strange creatures. There is a little of everything inside us. A little of birds, a little of reptiles, part ape, some genetic similarities with pigs. Really strange. Deformed creatures.
An acquaintance does not want to eat with me because from time to time I often remind him that whatever we eat will be turned into poop. I admit I ruined his digestion sometimes. This acquaintance also buys the most expensive toilet paper. I said to him that regular toilet paper is good enough. But in his view the hole must be taken care of properly.
From time to time I see couples who have just become parents. I suppose they have faith in life and confidence that their offspring will be able to continue this human journey.They see, in my view, beauty in life. Expiry date is programmed. Human obsolescence is programmed.
Capitalists, comunists, fascists, socialists, republicans, liberals, satanists, Christians, agnostics, well, whatever the label, we are still humans. Homo sapiens. A wretched species. So, as you say “There is no way people are going to live with each other in peace.” Horror is inside each one of us.
I read that a huge asteroid called Apophis (the Egyptian god of Chaos) will fly past Earth on Friday, April 13, 2029. In 2013, NASA calculated that Apophis would not hit Earth. But if it hits Earth it will cause huge tsunamis. Will Apophis approach this country? Will it hit India, or the Middle East or New Jersey? Who knows? Maybe I will not be here to see Apophis. I remember that here some rich people built their own dugouts in some parts of the country in case of a catastrophe that was to happen in December, 2012. I suppose they would do that again if Apophis pays us a visit.
Maybe future solar flares will roast Earth.They call them the killshot. If this event happens the entire system will go down. No ATMs, no Internet, no cell phones, no TVs, no tablets, no emails, nothing will work. Hospitals will collapse and patients will die, no airports, no traffic, no stoplights, total collapse.
I quote Safety in Numbers by Thomas Ligotti:
Safety in Numbers
There are plenty more people
than there were at one time.
And plenty more are coming.
It’s as if something inside them
is always screaming in an urgent
voice: more, more, more, more.
Or maybe it’s like waiting in line.
Everyone feels better if they see
more are behind them than in front.
“That makes sense,” you think
as you make your way forward
and soon find that you’re next.
Stay safe.
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Herr Kaspar and Senor Raul,
I wrote a post last night addressed to both of you and was under the impression that I posted it but I woke up in the morning and realized that it was nowhere to be found on the message board.I must have forgotten to save it somehow.
The cough syrup suppresses my cough alright but also leaves me feeling a bit dizzy.
What did I write about,then? Ah,yes, the proles in 1984.
Like them,people around me love to sing their little ditties. Worship idols and spends tens of thousands of rupees on decorating them.Well, religion is indeed the opium of the masses.
And they are so loud. So, very loud. They would have certainly reduced Schopenhauer to a Weeping Philosopher. And they bang all the doors ,ask for donations.I have much better things to do with my money, thank you very much.They remind of the proles in 1984 because all they ask for is bread and circus. That is all they want.
A Marxist would describe them in the terms of false consciousness,but I,thank Almight, am not one. The malaise goes much deeper than that.I don’t know how deep it goes. Till ’11,the Indian state I am in, had a government made up of so-called Marxists.Even yesterday, I saw a few very old men, sitting in a stall hawking Communist literature. I don’t even think I live in the same planet as people like these.
Politics bores me these days really.Camus, is alright,when he is describing how meaningless and absurd this whole world is ,but I part company with him the moment he says we can make our own meaning.What non-sense.
The proles don’t interest me.However, they can torment one quite a lot.Even as I write this, I can hear their loud ditty in the background.I feel tired.Heraclitus writes “ Cosmos was not made by the gods or men and is , and ever shall be everliving-fire”.This fires burns us all. What’s with all these romantic songs they keep playing? I think ,most of them feel that finding a mate is one of the most important undertakings.I just walk by them, they look at me ,I guess, as a simpleton.
This couple,the young Turks, were right next to me as I was getting out of pharmacy with the cough medicine and they woman shots me a look, not of disgust, but of puzzlement. For your kind information, I am generally not dressed to the nine,unlike these folks. I just play the fool, and walk away,reading the Obscure.
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Holden,
Thank you for your words. Indeed, Holden, to most you may look a simpleton but you are not. Otherwise you would not be sharing these deep thoughts in this message board.
As you said, panem et circenses, bread and circus, that is most want here. Better to say, bread and soccer and religion. However bread will be getting scarce and soccer will not provide the enjoyment it used to provide before. I am sure the gentlemen in power are thinking of new ways to distract people. Bread, soccer and religion are distractions. The curtain will eventually close.
I see couples, young or old in the streets. I will not experience honeymoon. Those above must be really mocking the newly weds. It is part of brainwashing.
Living is for cowards, some say, and suicide is for the brave. Well I am not brave. I do not have the baalls. However I do not think I will be allowed to flee this cirque du freak with death. The walls of this prison of needs and desires have been well designed. I think this entire creation is a big fudge. These cosmic artesans have arthritis.
My deaths is, understandably, sad for me. However, my death will be a gift for micro-organisms. Humans eat all kinds of plants, animals and birds, but we in turn are hunted and eaten by other animals as well as by bacteria and worms, bugs and plants will feed on my rotting body and help Earth, to digest me. In life death is the only guarantee we have.
Take care.
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As far as who are the personnel of the Jailer/Farmer/Plantation/Colony/Overlord, the artist says that those who breed are the personnel.
What about those who collect a salary to "coach," "tutor," "instruct," "educate," "brainwash," "hypnotize," "train," "enculturate," "inspire," "motivate," "psychologically diagnose," etc ... ?
One must not allow oneself to be publically or professionally "too philosophical" or, God forbid, "ethical."
There are an awful lot of actors and phonies out there, professional, no less.
If one were to study something out of pure interest and fascination, one would discover a life of decaying teeth, a meager hand-to-mouth existence, but nonetheless a rich inner life, however "rough around the edges" that life may be.
Who are the hired personnel of the Conspiracy Against the Human Race?
How am I to process this same world that Nietzsche pondered? I mean, the man wept in the streets. He was bitterly mocked and humiliated, as can happen to anyone, since we each are, after all, solitary and lone human animals. The dread and anxiety can be overwhelming for anyone. People snap. It's a razor's edge and all that ---.
Listen, were one to see me babbling, with the missing and rotten teeth, all but the most sensitive would assume I am far less "educated or learned" than I am. That is, I imagine the majority of gorts would underestimate my intelligence, if not outright insult it, as par for the course, just another day in the life of Haywire Baboonery.
I try to make like I am a nervous bundle of nerves. That's just the coffee. In the meantime, I am secretly delighted and thankful that I have even made it this far to understand what I have.
The Grim Reaper may welcome me with a hilarious joke that will blow my mind to pieces! Anyone of us is at all times in this not-in-the-least-bit-strange predicament of possibly ceasing to exist at any random moment.
Please be sure to be prepared for death a little each day ... I mean, reflect upon the absrud situation we are in!
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Senor Raul,
I have found that even in dreamless sleep, even there, no peace is to be found-only some kind of suffocation. I woke up today fairly depressed and realized that one cannot find any kind of refuge even in deep,dreamless sleep. In all likelihood we are creatures fated to have eternal restlessness.
We live a world of nightmares.Kierkegaard broke his engagement. And along with it, broke his own heart.Out of his broken heart emerges something sublime.He writes if you marry you will regret it and if you don’t you would regret that too. And yet he chose to exercise the second option. He felt very keenly that as a bourgeois, householder he would is be as good as spiritually dead. Thus, the monumental break.
His father is an interesting figure in his own write. While not a philosopher of the caliber his son was to become, the young Kierkegaard no doubt observed the embittered relationship between his parents. He was,if he was anything at all, a keen observer. If for nothing else, his complete and absolute rejection of everything Hegel stood for itself would provide him with a high moral ground.
Sometimes I imagine his, sitting alone in his room, pouring out his thoughts onto his note-books while at the same time his ex-fiancee is busy making babies with her husband.No doubt, his explicit Christian imagery is not always palatable and yet, I read his between the lines and find a man ,a tormented man, looking desperately for a way out.
No peace even in deep ,dreamless sleep-imagine that!What did the fiancée think of him? Probably that he was a scoundrel and in her assessment she was right. Every true philosopher, is ,for the bourgeoisie, a scoundrel. His hatred for the state church was quite obvious. He was not exactly welcome in the cathedrals.I often feel,while I am not a believer in providence, for the very word “providence” reeks of third rate theology, that by some sort of inevitable fate or fatalistic gravity I am being pulled more and more into a sort of pariah who writes about the harsh and bitters truths of this existence, no one, except for the fellow bedlemites, are likely to read.
Here in the city, I look at the human horses,the rickshaws are pulled by human beings themselves,by men( and not women). We have far more men than horses and so it makes sense to use them to push the rickshaws.There are lovebirds and fat ladies who like to ride of these rickshaws. Isn’t that wonderful? While the couple are making out inside the rickshaw, the tuberculosis-ridden puller is bursting his lungs running with naked feet surrounded by a million vehicles all blaring and honking their horns? When the puller dies, as is the custom, the skeleton is donated to a medical college so the family could get a few farthings.
The highest achievable praise? To be a writer who is never read.
Stop me if you have heart this one before-Schopenhauer goes to a pet shop to buy himself a puddle, and runs into to Frau Hegel. She says,Herr Schopenhauer what a pleasant service,what brings you here? Schopenhauer is tongue-tied. He is rather shy when it comes to conversing with unfamiliar women.But he collects himself and says with a great deal of formality “Madam, my last poodle passed away ,I’m here to buy a new one”.”Oh but Herr Schopenhauer,missus Hegel says, why waste money, for puddles are quite expensive, just buy a rat. Schopenhauer is flabbergasted, and says, in a hesitant fashion,” A rat,Madam?” Why, ofcourse, a rat. It would far cheaper than a poodle and it is only a matter of time, before the rat,because of the iron laws of history, mutates into a puddle”
Schopenhauer just said” Well, I wish you a good day,Madam,” and was out of the shop muttering curses under his breath.
https://youtu.be/7RbpYu4Lnh4
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Holden,
Thank you for your post. As always your words are enlightening.
We are doomed creatures. You are aware of this tragedy. You are a good-natured person. Here we would call you or someone else in Spanish “pan de Dios”, bread of God. I myself am a bread of little demons.
Millions, including me, are in a profound state of sleep or in a comatose condition or we are adult children. There is no escape. I read one quote attributed to the Buddha: “This world is blind. There are so few who see things as they truly are.”
As you know we are cannibals, that is, we consume human lives for our own purpose or profit. We are greedy and gluttonous.
Once Hentrich said a few things about the wetiko. Wetiko is term used by the Cree, Native American Indians, which refers to to an evil person or spirit who terrorizes other creatures by means of terrible evil acts, including cannibalism. The explanation is that humans are possessed by these dark creatures. I use the word evil many times but I admit my view of the scope of evil is limited.
We are demonic sleepwalkers in Murder Incorporated called Earth. We carry a contagious psychological disease. We do not eat our fellow creatures physically but we drain lives. At the same time we are raw materials for consumption. This tragedy started aeons ago.
We are programmed to sin, programmed to ffuucck, programmed to cause destruction, to damage ourselves and others, to smell, a smell that started in the wombs of our mothers, why this waste of energy, of knowledge in creating humans?
Yes, this is a world of nightmares. Peace is not possible in this world. I only know a little about Soren K. because of your posts. Certainly he was a tormented man. He exercised the right option in not marrying Regina. She, as a human being, followed the programming. Hormones rule because humans have the procreation chip. I think it was good for Soren K. to be unwelcome in the cathedrals. Prayers and sermons are another type of mind control.
We do not have rickshaws but we have the bus drivers who get very little money for working 14-16 hours a day. There are women working as taxi drivers. Here in a taxi stop I saw a pregnant woman waiting for passengers.
You know, Holden, slavery is cool in this world and probably in the next too. Those who do not acquire wealth, status, properties, women, are losers, uninteresting, backwards, etc.
You some months ago wrote about Gurdjieff. I found this quote:
“A conscious man refuses war. Mutual destruction is a manifestation of men who are asleep. ”
Stay alert.
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Senor Raul,
I have to say your relentless pessimism and truth-telling reminds me of Cioran. If I am a bread, I am a black bread, which is to be found in Russia. And bitter.Gorky the writer, called himself thus because he wanted to write only the kind of things which would taste bitter.Microwaves ovens and air conditioners are what the average Joe is looking for not books, certainly not the kind of books, which would not further his career.
Today, in the humanities departments, by that I mean, philosophy and literature, there is no place for honest thinkers like yourself. They think they have the truth by the tail and anyone who says otherwise is blasphemous. Mathematics is at least honest. It’s a little difficult to fudge it up. It just mention this in passing that ,at present, there are more men than women in all the departments of the University, with the only exception of Mathematics.
The God of Mathematics must be a bigot,keeping the poor, talented women out, who just want to make this world a better place…poor little dolls not being allowed the rights which belong to them by the virtue of what they have between their legs.
What I see in the people around me, in my relatives and in myself is frenzy. Frenzy and restlessness. Human race is not meant to have any kind of salvation. If it were offered to us on a silver platter, we will spit on it and shoot the being who dared to offer it to us.
Mayhem and chaos is what is to our liking. Those is speak of bliss and peace might as well be speaking Greek.No, that is not our tongue. We listen to the prophet who talks to fire and brimstone and only then are we in our element.
Thunberg says peace,peace. But we like, I,to listen to the former KGB agent. He knows how to torture and to bear torture,he speaks to the real me,that is to say, the blood hound in my soul, while the lass, well,she,frankly makes no sense to me.To us. Maybe to her dolls.Not to men made of flesh and blood.
What I like best the constant bickering between “my” country and “our” neighbor. A war would end everything way to be soon. The mayhem needs to be savoured.I love the local newspapers, they show me my real face, they never right five soldiers dead in the exchange of far. No that is far too dry for their taste and mine. They write five solider “martyred” .You see? Now, they are talking.The word takes me straight back to the ancient room and the medieval Mughal era. In the latter period, so I am told, many Hindus, “my people” were boiled alive in oil ,should be reject the offer of embracing the Religion of Peace.”Imagine that, being boiled alive in hot oil. Does not matter who is getting boiled and who does the boiling. The skin breaking up and leaving the bare muscles and bones to have a rendezvous directly with the extract of animals and plants that died many millions of years ago.And that is the kind of scene and atmosphere we are meant for.
Have you heard of the Goa Inquisition? Might look it up one Sunday afternoon should boredom assail you.Thousand of sacred threads cut, along with the holy hair knots,hundreds to temples razed to the ground. Now, that is something to our, heck, why hide behind the plural determiner,my taste.Don’t get me wrong I am no revanchist, I am as deracinated as they come.
Which reminds me to ask you,when you went to school/school were there any mandatory bible classes? As for me, the State and the family thankfully, did not bother to teach me about any religion.Yes, I heard a few stories about Hinduism here and there, no formal lessons.And so, I , my only religion is Suffering(with a capital S)
Take care.
https://youtu.be/tOXs01I2_cc
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I've been totally numb this week, nothing makes sense for me anymore, how even 1+1 = 2.
Last three days my family place in Syria is being bombarded by Turkish military operation called "fountain of peace" right, the irony. People are horrified there, I was able to talk to my parents yesterday, I see the horror inside their eyes, I offer nothing as I am as powerless as a pebble (I live in another country). what I have to make of this situation, I don't know. I think I have to go rogue too if something happened to them. life is fun...
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Ibra,
It is sad to read about what is happening to your people in Syria. I also heard that the Turkish military are embarking on a campaign against the Kurds. Although, you are living in another country, I am sure you will your best to help your family.
Stay safe.
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Holden,
Thank you for your comments. As always they are very important. I am only a scribbler in this board. Thinker is a word that can be applied to you, Hentrich and others in this blog.
I went to a public school and although bible classes were not mandatory some teachers prayed aloud. At that time the Catholic religion was the official religion of the Paraguayan state and that changed in 1992 with the new constitution. As you say the only true religion is Suffering.
Yes, here microwaves ovens and air conditioners and cars are what the average Paraguayan Joe and Jane are looking for all the time. Not books, certainly not the kind of books, which would not further their careers as you say.
The economic situation gets worse every day except for a few. Here bricklaying gives a lot of jobs for big public works. I read that an Australian company built a robot, Hadrian X, which can deploy 1,000 bricks in two hours. It only needs an operator and a bricklayer to process the instructions. This technology, I think, will replace thousands of bricklayers. It will complicate matters more in ten years.
Honestly I cannot imagine being boiled alive in hot oil. I remember once when my mother, angry with me, threw hot water at my toes. It reminds me of what I read about the battles in the Middle Ages. I think they punished the prisoners with molten lead.
Here I heard on the radio about Greta Thunberg. Maybe this girl is used by those in power. Environmental issues are just a distraction. If Apophis hits the Earth, well, nothing will matter.
I read a little about the Gnostics. They said that we on Earth are like survivors condemned to eternal solitude, planetary detainees, victims of injustice on a truly vast cosmic scale. Stars, ether, aeons, planets, earth, life, flesh, inanimate matter, psyche – all of them implicated, dragged into this universal disgrace.
They believed that we bathe in evil as if in the bosom of a polluted sea, and the waters of the soul are powerless to wash us clean, unless we use the methods recommended by them. This explains the fundamentally corrupt character of all human enterprises and institutions: time, history, powers, states, religions, races, nations- all these ideas, these systems which man has invented, are tainted with this primary flaw. In this endless circle, the simple fact of living, of breathing, eating, drinking, ssshhitting, sleeping and waking, implies the existence and the growth of evil.
They said that humans are exploited on a cosmic scale, that we are the proletariat of the demiurge-executioner, slaves exiled into a world subjected to violence; we are the dregs and sediment of a lost heaven, strangers on our own planet. The idea of calling themselves Egyptian, Greek, Roman or Syrian was ridiculous to them. “I am in the world but not
of the world' was their basic formula. In their view, we, humans, were counterfeit beings, pseudoanthropes, pseudo living creatures.
Take care.
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Mr.Ibra,
I understand that the situation in Syria is terrible. I am sorry about your family.Please do write to us when you feel like that.I have never personally been a in war-like situation but in the northern part of the country called Kashmir,things are a little jittery, I am told.
I don't understand the whole idea of nation-states.There is a deep need for war ,for fighting in the human heart.
Situations like these makes one realize how important it is to not to procreate.
Take care,Mr.Ibra, I hope your family members are safe. Please do write to us,when you feel like it.
Regards
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Senor Raul,
What to write about in this world of wars? Mr.Ibra is facing the situation first hand. In this country ,Kashmir might well end up feeling a terrible flash point. I don’t know. Where to run and hide. Nowhere to hide. I get these strange dreams,I cannot make head or tails of them.I have cough and cold, my tooth aches, I suffer from anxiety and diarrhea,now,isn’t that the best of all possible worlds?
I drag my feet to which ever place I am required to go.Snails frequently overtake me. The dogs are barking. Most of them would be dead in a few years, but they will leave behind pups who in turn will grow into dogs and that’s how this world functions.
So, now bible classes for you in the school,well,that’s splendid. I’d have hated to lose you to theological brain washing. But you have a strong intellect, which discerns the phony from the real.
Hindu equivalent of the Bible is the Gita,wherein the God stops a man who wants to runs away from the battlefield and hide somewhere in the forest and persuades him to continue to fight!
Yes, I am sick of God, of all the gods. The only disgraceful thing Van Gogh ever did while he was alive was to have sold one painting. If he wouldn’t have done that, his life would have been the very definition of success.To die without ever have contributed anything to the sustenance of this wretched world,that’s a goal to aspire to. I think I once posted something about Augustine and Pegasus.Anyway, the point was that Augustine, for all his flaws, said that human beings are corrupt by birth and the other fellow says no we are born innocent. And I cannot help but side with Augustine. I was flawed since I ever stepped on this God’s green earth.
Take care and try to stay away from warzones. But then, isn’t the whole of the planet one?
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Holden,
Thank you for your comments. As I say I am only a scribbler.
Indeed the situation Ibra is facing now is horrible. I hope his family is safe. I am sure Ibra will do his best for them.
And this is the world we live in. I think that since I was thirteen I have heard of endless wars in that part of the world. Israel, Palestine,Jordan, Lebanon, Syria, Iraq, Iran, Yemen, Saudi Arabia, all the people there suffering and trying to survive. I read that the new Saudi ruler, Prince Mohammed Bin Salman is only 34 years old and already known for his cruelty.
I have heard a few things about Kashmir, a never ending conflict there. I think that those in power do not want to end the conflict. Wherever we were born, directly or indirectly we are at war. Nobody is safe.
Years ago I read a little about a report called Iron Mountain prepared by some of the best minds in the U.S. at the request of President John F. Kennedy. It was published in 1967. Some said that this document is a hoax.
The question was how society would function if there were a permanent peace without threat of war. The document, supposedly stated, that war always plays a key role in human societies. If war was to disappear there would be a social gap impossible to fill. In the event of permanent peace, the writers of this document proposed to keep parts of the population under technocratic controls, a eugenics program to eliminate the so-called unfit and create space exploration programs. Maybe this Iron Mountain Report is just a joke but it makes sense that there are wars that are meant to continue for decades. War is good for business. Peace is bad for business. Social control is necessary.
Here in a slow but steady we are being made to use digital money. This month all the buses will have bus cards. We will not use money to pay the bus tickets. This is the beginning of the end of anonymity, the end of the little privacy we have. Besides, the buses will be equipped with cameras.
As you say there is nowhere to hide. I say it also because in almost every corner I see cameras and yet the crime rate is increasing. If you have no cédula (Paraguayan ID) you can have problems and be taken to the comisaría (police station) to check if you have a police record.
I agree with you. To die without ever contributing anything to the sustenance is this wretched world is a worthy goal.
Yes, we, humans, are born corrupt by birth. The Gnostics, as I remember, believed that the responsibility of man, appeared as a statute imposed on him. Man has absolutely nothing to do with the curse imposed on him: the one who is truly responsible is the sadistic and perverse demiurge who dared to dream up such a cruel world in all its minute detail. The Gnostics said that we were talking foetuses, rectified worms that cannot survive without destroying the life around him.
Stay safe.
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Senor Raul,
I thank you for your message. I just read an article in the Newspaper about a socialist party here which says they are delighted that many people are reading literature published by them.I ,for one, thinks such readers are bigger fools than the people who publish such trash.
In the US Presidential circus, some folks are claiming to be socialists too. Well, human beings, by their very nature, cannot be socialists.Here we have unions and people who make up those unions are just miscreants and ,well, lets just say I’ve seen what in practice socialism boils down to and believe me, its not pretty.
Was just reading a bit of Plato and this whole idea of forms. How we are more or less like shadows and the Forms represent the true reality.Makes some sense. Most human beings I know, they are vile and vulgar and seem to repeat whatever the celebrities endorse,they don’t think for themselves.
Malthus believed that Black Death was a good thing because it helped to retard the growth rate of the mankind. In the long term, the human population would always outstrip food supply. Cannot really say I disagree with the gentleman.War, famine and epidemics are what check the human population. He also says that if we practice “moral restraint”, what it means is,if we marry late in life, we might have fewers kids and could ward off the impending catastrophe. This is where I differ with him.No amount of moral restraint can save us.
What we need, my friend, is another Black Death era, and I am afraid it’s closer to us than many would reckon.There is no way human population can keep growing on and on…there is going to be a steep fall.And soon.
Malthus goes so far as to say that its better to visit a woman of the streets rather than marry early and have lots of kids and in this I agree with him.Although, I personally, would rather avoid them as well-I wish to avoid all human company.
Well, thanks for responding and for listening to my rants.As always, much appreciated. You ,I think are like Dr. Freud and I am the patient on the couch.
Take care.
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Holden,
Thank you for your words. I think that you should put all these posts in a book format. It makes a material worthy of reading several times.It is good to share our rants. They are only for ourselves.
I read once a definition of both isms. Capitalism is viewed as an economic system in which a country´s trade and industry are controlled by private owners for profit, rather than by the state. It is also as an example of asocial individualism. Usury and greed, sins in early Christianity, are the basis of capitalism. It also denies the holiness of poverty. Napoleon said that poverty makes the best soldier.
Socialism as a political and economic theory of social organization advocates that the economy - the means of production, distribution, and exchange- should be owned or controlled by the community as a whole. This therefore means the control of the economy by the state.
They are just methods to handle the human cattle in the best efficient way. Nothing new because you already know this.
Once somebody told me in his peculiar view that in capitalism they fucckk you to the bones with your underwear on and in socialism they ffucck you to the bones with no underwear. Whatever the system your hole will be broken.
Socialism reminds me of what I wrote to Hentrich once. It refers to a Dr.Wolfgang Huber and his wife who started the Socialist Patients´ Collective in West Germany. In the insane asylum Dr. Huber trained psychiatric patients to be terrorists and fight the society that made them sick. The slogans were Turn Illness into a Weapon, Therapy through Violence, Bomb for Mental Health, and Kill for Inner Peace. They were opposed to doctors and considered them to be poisoners of the human species.
I know very little about Plato. I read that he said that disobedient children should be corrected with threats and blows. He supposedly said that he condemned laughter and said the gods should not be represented laughing. He said that it is impossible to engage in commerce and be virtuous at the same time.
Dr.Holden, again your diagnosis of the human behavior is lethal. Again let me mention the Gnostics, the little I know, is that we are thinking hominids who are completely alienated creatures, right down to our very encephalic cells, and condemned to lifelong enslavement. Only a full awareness of our inert and slumbering condition could save us. In my case I am only aware that we were dumped into this planet.
Indeed we are vile and vulgar. I include myself here. There are times I want to do vile things to my fellow human beings. The thing is that since I am not a policeman or a soldier or a politician the state will not allow me to commit crimes without impunity.
I think that wars and diseases such as AIDS, Ebola, SARS and earthquakes and tsunamis have already surpassed the Black Death. In times of Christ the population in the world was 200 million. In the 20th century alone 100 million, women, men and children died. Earth is a magnificent killing field.
I read that Wadi-us-Salaam, Valley of Peace, is a cemetery in Iraq, specifically in the Shia holy city of Najaf. It is the largest and oldest cemetery in the world and houses millions of bodies. Well, Earth houses 8 billion living dead. Every single second strains of humans are added to this cemetery. In each of our cells, veins, and tissues and genitals we carry the Black Death.
It is difficult to avoid the proletarians of love because we are slaves to the flesh and to lust and orgasms. Sex is also good for business. Lots of money in **** films, cams, sex shops, channels,magazines, etc. We are sex junkies, addicted to addictions.
Stay safe.
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Socialism reminds me of what I wrote to Hentrich once. It refers to a Dr.Wolfgang Huber and his wife who started the Socialist Patients´ Collective in West Germany. In the insane asylum Dr. Huber trained psychiatric patients to be terrorists and fight the society that made them sick. The slogans were Turn Illness into a Weapon, Therapy through Violence, Bomb for Mental Health, and Kill for Inner Peace. They were opposed to doctors and considered them to be poisoners of the human species.
Footnote: SPK: Turn Illness into a Weapon (https://www.indybay.org/uploads/2013/11/14/turn_illness_into_a_weapon.pdf)
A used hard copy of the English translation of this book (https://www.amazon.com/SPK-Turn-Illness-into-Weapon/dp/3926491175/ref=sr_1_6?keywords=Huber+Wolfgang&qid=1571350924&s=books&sr=1-6) is well over one hundred frog-skins. Makes it a kind of irresistible electronic read.
The pdf file I had found when you, Raul, first mentioned this SPK, was all messed up; but the one linked to above is fine so far. I may check it out again later in the wee hours of the twilight, when I tend to sink into a mild, yet not too painful at all, depression. It's good for me to be reminded of just why I am considered sick, because I do not want to conform to the idiotic norms of society.
Psychiatry has become conformist, that is, to be cured is simply to be reintroduced into the wage-slavery system as an obedient and gainfully employed "success story"!
http://icarusfilms.com/if-spk
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Senor Raul,
Horror of the flesh,of the organs,of each cell,primordial horror ,chemical horror-Cioran
While I can comprehend suffering and pain, at least, I like to think that I do, I cannot bear to experience the same.It makes me wilt. I makes me wither. I think of a room wherein I could shut myself for all time to come.Memory can be a curse. Forgetfulness a blessing. My cousins,some older,some younger, copulate and produce kids and those children,now that they are here, will most assuredly suffer.There are some medicines that render me impotent for all intents and purposes. I am thinking of continuing to use them if only for this very effect. The libido is a menace.
What ails me, the malaise I suffer from is unnameable precisely because it is all pervasive. There is nothing which does not disgust me, nothing that I do not find repellent.As Mr. Gary says, this is a Bug Planet, and I am surely a bug. A bug that feeds, excretes and would is configured to breed. To try to understand this world, this existence is one sure way of embracing insanity.
Dogs in the street. Fighting each other,mating with each other. Eating out of the dumpster.Not infrequently do I think of Coleridge, specially of his Ancient Mariner.To be driven completely insane, might be the only kind of salvation within my grasp.
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Horror of the flesh, of the organs, of each cell, primordial horror, chemical horror.
- Cioran
Thanks Holden.
From another of your correspondences with Senor Raul, you wrote something inspiringly powerful in its intelligent and defiant spirit!
Hindu equivalent of the Bible is the Gita,wherein the God stops a man who wants to runs away from the battlefield and hide somewhere in the forest and persuades him to continue to fight!
Yes, I am sick of God, of all the gods. The only disgraceful thing Van Gogh ever did while he was alive was to have sold one painting. If he wouldn’t have done that, his life would have been the very definition of success.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4RAWNQVjUmY
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pardon me ... but, I couldn't help but notice that, if you play the following clip a couple of times while Gorticide's [Corporate Avenger] tune plays once, they go well together; that is, "Bible is BS" while platying "Listen you fuuckers, you screwheads" twice has some accidental synchronicities your brain might get a chuckle from.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=idEmJfsqOFo
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Holden,
As always your words are enlightening. I hope that the medications you are taking do not cause, as they say in American English, collateral damage to your body.
Most of my cousins here have children. One of my cousins, a nurse, had a baby and died, and she suffered from breast cancer. She has a 15-year-old boy. The others have children too. They have been very prolific. One of my uncles at the age of 52 had two children and the other had a girl at 54. So not all men can experience male menopause. What more can I add? I suppose that it is blessing for my relatives and millions to bring children into this world.
Many years ago one of my ex school classmates, who nearly became a Redemptorist priest, told me that in the seminary they used medication to reduce the urges. I suppose the prayers and **** were not enough. Years later he left the congregation, started to work, married and had a baby boy. An ex friend twenty years ago told me that when he was with the Opus Dei, sex was only consented among the couples to procreate. I am not sure but I think it was Jerome, a Church Father who said: “He that is insatiable of his wife commits adultery”. Yes, the demonization of sexuality has indeed become a powerful form of social manipulation.
Sex is good business. I found ads advising to take medication to suppossedly enlarge your member. They said that your member can measure 8 centimeters more. What a world!
A human life should be a miracle and yet it is only a tragedy from the cradle to the grave. What was created on this Earth was not a garden of Eden but a prison.
I agree with you. We are human bugs that feed, excretes and are configured to breed. I remember the scene in Matrix where Agent Smith says to Morpheus: “I can taste your stink and every time I do, I fear that I’ve somehow been infected by it.” Agent Smith wants to return to his former pure state of existence.
I think last year I heard of the President of the Philippines Rodrigo Duterte aka the Punisher. I read that he invited the soldiers to **** not more than three women and kill people who are suspected of being drug dealers.
In a blog called listverse.com you can read about world leaders other interesting historical facts. There I read that Chairman Mao spent much of his time in bed or in his private pool, not dressing for days at a time. He only ate oily food, rinsed his mouth with tea, and slept with country girls. He did not take baths and only used hot towels. He never washed his hands or brushed his teeth or washed his genitals either. His personal physician Dr. Li Zhisui could not help preventing the spread of venereal infections among his female companions. And the Chairman considered himself a feminist.
He slept on a specially made huge wooden bed carried on his private train. Dr. Li dosed him constantly with barbiturates so he could rest. Absolute power can make you very sick.
You know that many believe that the last century and the first two decades of this one have been the darkest period in human history. I say they are wrong. The horror has just started. Everything, absolutely everything will get worse.
Stay alert.
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Senor Raul,
Most of my time is spent in doing pointless tasks.And yet isn't breathing pointless too? I keep thinking of how van Gogh and Cioran both adopted French as their primary language and spent a lot of time in the same places, thought many years apart. There is a similarity here that goes beyond the common tongue and place.
While Cioran wrote and wrote and wrote about failure. van Gogh failed and failed and failed.I read somewhere that when Sartre was holding his court in one of the cafes,Cioran sat quite aloof. I ,too, have never been impressed by Sartre. He always comes across a pompous man.
When my brain is tired ,like it is,at the moment, it comes up with weird things.
To fail and to fail repeatedly.After a while the man falls in love with the failure. Grows protective towards it and keeps it right by his side,always.You speak of Church Fathers,thousands of years back,quite of few of them, maybe called the Desert Fathers, left the towns and went to the desert and I for one would like to see what they saw, feel what they felt, I suspect Ciroan saw and felt something similar and so did van Gogh.
To be a desert father..and to die of a scorpion bite -now here's something I aspire to.To look at the clear blue sky, the merciless Sun while the scorpion poison spreads throughout the body and while it moves towards the heart..
And then to bless the scorpion with one's dying breath.For the true God, if he is to be found anywhere at all, is more likely to be found in the desert scorpion's poison than in the sacramental wine.
To be a church father, ensconced in a small monastery cell and at the end of one's life realise that the Cross he prayed to, for the whole of his life,was really an ax.
Raskolnikov's ax.
Take care.
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Holden,
Thank you for your response. Yes, breathing is pointless and yet it is necessary. We also need to sshhit, to drink water, to sleep, to eat, etc. Our bodies are fragile.
I write of death constantly and yet I fear it much. Survival is hardwired into our brain’s hypothalamus. One may believe that there is an afterlife but even so our human bodies are not very eager to find out exactly what that could be. Death is something that only happens to others until you experience it when someone close to you departs.
There is nothing much I can say about Cioran and Van Gogh. Many years ago I read a biography about Vincent by an author called Irving Stone. I also wrote your comments about this tormented man.
Yes, the Desert Fathers left the towns and went to the desert. I suppose it must have much easier for somebody to go to a retreat and meditate in those times.You have to kill your senses in order to be an ascetic. You have to have abstinence from sex, from pleasures, from food, from human companion, above all, abstinence from life.
I suppose I would not be able to endure a life as a monk in Mount Athos. There women and female animals are banned (except for cats, which are useful for controlling the rat population). The monks eat little dairy and cheese and fish sometimes. Prayers take up most of their time. They clean the guesthouses, make wine and renovate the Orthodox monastery.
I read that in the state of Kerala there exists the Sabarimala temple. Women between the ages of 10 and 50 are banned.
The Gnostic teacher, Basilides, said that Christ didn’t really suffer on the cross. He switched places with Simon of Cyrene and stood aside, laughing at the folly of those who believed the world was real, while the unlucky Simon died in his stead. The Bogomils hated the cross because Christ died on it and in their eyes the cross was the symbol of his torment. They rejected procreation and marriage. They despised work, riches, honors, social distinctions.
Below there is a story you and the readers of this blog may find interesting. It is about Sayragul Sauytbay, an Uyghur woman who was jailed in China´s gulags and her escape.
https://www.haaretz.com/world-news/.premium.MAGAZINE-a-million-people-are-jailed-at-china-s-gulags-i-escaped-here-s-what-goes-on-inside-1.7994216
Stay safe.
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Senor Raul,
I have some minutes of clarity every other week, I try to read essays or program some math function in spirit of Mr. Hentrich to stave off the horrors that I inhabit me but it is all pointless.
The body is all there is, as Hentrich says "the truth is in stomach". I had to watch some P0rn yesterday, and while stimulating my member, shaking to get off. It occurred to me what the nature of this force that haunt us, It is really seems otherworldly but It is real; the possession phenomena in the exorcists films are not fiction, It is as real as this body. there is something sinister in the body that flareup every now and then, intellect and rationalization are mere toys against it.
there is a cease fire at my parents place. half of people in that area left their houses and went bit far from the fire line (around 200,000). There is no end to the horrors
stay safe and hide from the crowds
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Ibra,
Thank you for your words. I hope the cease fire lasts longer where your people are. As you say there is no end to the horror.
Yes, like you I watch ppoorn to stimulate my member. The body has urges that are impossible to contain. Even if one becomes a eunuch the urges are still there. Yes, the truth is in the stomach and in the dddicck too. We are not to blame for having these sexual urges. We were made this way. Made to suffer in this madhouse called Earth.
Holden once mentioned the Manichaeans. They believed that sparks of light dwell in plants, stones, and dirt, as well as animals and humans. As a result sexual intercourse was forbidden because it perpetuated the imprisonment of the light in matter; they could not eat meat or drink alcohol. They could not engage in agriculture, because the acts of plowing and reaping were believed to injure the tiny sparks of light that were embedded in the soil and plants. Even bathing was forbidden because it would hurt the light imprisoned in the water. For the Cathars, with their Manichaean heritage, sex imprisoned the sparks of light in the darkness of matter.
Stay safe.
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Senor Raul,
Fever. It makes me tremble. A whole night of mastur-bation could ,well,shake up any one. Much vigor and yet even more weakness. Of the flesh and of the spirit. Solved sums related to inequalities.
The birds are chirping as they always are. Perhaps would be the doing the same the day I finally decide to take my leave of this wretched world. Often I get teary-eyes writing these short posts here.I want you, to know, that life is not worth having, under any circumstances. None. And yet I breathe. And yet I mastur-bate.
Take care.
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Holden,
Thank you for your response. Your posts are worth reading many times. I am sure there are many who read these posts without writing in the board.
In this so-calle age of eternal optimism someone saying that life is not worth having will be viewed with suspicion. If we, you, were in the army of life, we would be court-martialled. Insubordination to life is severely punished. I read that in the army of India a lieutenant has an insignia with two five-pointed stars. So Liutenant Holden, all the fake medals (career, marriage, money, etc.) will be taken away from you and you will be discharged with dishonor, as they say in the military.
Like you I breathe and I masturbate. My imagination is filled with lust. The drama is in the mind. I read that the Desert Fathers digged up the corpses of old girlfriends and hugged them to free themselves from the desires of the flesh. In these modern times that measure would not be effective.
I mention some basic things I read about the Gnostics. They felt that the body is born of pain and it will die in the same way. It hungers, thirsts, needs shelter, craves sex, power, possessions, comfort, excitement, and can be a tyrant. Indeed we are slaves. The Gnostics believed that fasting, physical endurance and restricting the hours of sleep were the methods to discipline body. To them sexuality resulted in pregnancy and childbirth, and another being would be brought into the world. The baby would be a prison for a seed of light from the divine realm called the Pleroma.
Some say that life in the countryside is better than in the city. You have a better mood or a better disposition. I doubt it but I think life in a city makes you think that there is something deeply wrong with life and the entire universe. In the cities you see civilization as it truly is. Existential or philosophical issues thrive in the towns or countryside.
Take care.
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Senor Raul,
I was alone in a cemetery when a pregnant woman came in. I left at once, in order not to look at this corpse-bearer at close range, nor to ruminate upon the contrast between an aggressive womb and the time-worn tombs – between a false promise and the end of all promises.
Cioran
Take care.
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Holden,
Thank you for sharing these words by Cioran. I read them before but his words are worth reading again.
Today it is very hot. More than 40 degrees Celsius in the city. I suppose it must be hotter there.
Those who constantly think of suicide were already born dead, with a tragic death awaiting in some part of his routine, awaiting patiently and silently as a she-wolf to take what is hers. These are the words I read somewhere.
I read also that author Stefan Zweig was deeply affected when on his visit to Soviet Russia in 1928 he saw two things in Leo Tolstoi´s house. Zweig saw two objects: a big rope with a letter addressed to him by a woman, unable to endure Tolstoi´s gloomy views on life, and inviting him to use that rope in order to end his torment.
I think I exist just by inertia.
Stay watchful.
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Senor Raul and Herr Kaspar,
Cioran advises us to "wallow in Eternal Trifling".He is quite right. Pyrrho says something similar and he calls it aporia.But there is big difference between the two ideas. Cioran knows,in his very bones, understands how painful existence really is, it is ,for the want of a better phrase,"an empirical or a metaphysical truth" that just cannot be denied.
Pyrrho and the skeptics like to say that we just don't have enough evidence to claim anything. This is where they differ from Schopenhauer and Ciroan and even Mr. Gary. Mr.Gary time and time again says there is no denying the evidence that existence is intrinsically painful.He expounds upon Benetar's asymmetry argument.
I think optimists, are ,quite frankly, fools whose arguments we should not even dignify that with a response.It is the skeptics and the believers who worship at the temple of Aporia,the Pyrrhonists who are the really dangerous ones. They are the ones who should be responded to,with the full and combined fire-power of Schopenhauer,Ciroan, Herr Kaspar and Mr.Gary.
We need not be dogmatic and yet we need to make sure that the gems which we possess are secured.
And if I am foolish enough to follow Pyrrho leaving aside Schopenhauer,my coughing fits are frequent and intense enough to make me realise what a blunder I am committing.
Cioran ,after saying"wallow in Eternal Trifling" , ends the sentence by adding,"for when a being,becomes incarnate,it turns grotesque."
Take care.
https://youtu.be/NcUxW-9GaPw
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Senor Raul,
Thanks for the response. You mention the Russian writer Tolstoy, I have read most of his short stories, at least the prominent ones and also his novel,War and Peace. I would like to read his Confessions wherein he is said to have written something to the effect that he might wanted to end it all but finally he did not go through with it because he ,in some fashion, found "God".
In one of my recent posts, I mentioned the desert fathers who led secluded lives in the desert and just thought about existence the whole day long.As Cioran, says, existence counts on us on not thinking too much or too deeply upon it,that is the only way it could perpetuate itself.
I remember when I must have been around 17, waking up in the middle of the night and reading War and Peace.That was quite an experience.At that point of time I was not ready to meet you and Herr Kaspar, that was to come later, much later. Perhaps I would not even have appreciated what the two of you have to say, back then. But I still remember writing in a note-book, some melancholy lines,from the novel. There are quite a few of them in fact,in there, if memory serves. There is this one fellow called Pierre who is ,on the one hand trying to kill Napoleon on his own and on the other hand is having some strange and weird mystical experiences.Thanks for reminding me about this.
I just looked it up and I think I might have found the very lines I wrote in my little note book circa 2003.
"Rustic trees, your dark branches shed gloom and melancholy upon me."
" On another page he drew a tomb, and wrote:
*Death gives relief and death is peaceful.
Ah! from suffering there is no other refuge."
Well,take care and I hope your eyes are better now.
https://youtu.be/C5YoB33dDDw
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Holden,
Thank you for your words once again. Many times I have written comments in this board that makes no sense at all. Crraap really. That is why I reread some posts and deleted them.
When you were 17 I was heavily drinking most days. If we had corresponded at that time, I would have not understood any of your deep thoughts. I was braindead and still am, but maybe less. This is an insane world. Earth is a landfill where humans are sent to.
Those lines about Leo Tolstoy I took them from a book written by a Spanish author called Toni Montesinos. The title of the book is Melancolía y Suicidios Literarios The paragraphs about the Gnostics I read them in a book called The Gnostics by a French author called Jacques Lacarriere. I think it was much easier to go and stay in the deserts for the hermits or anchorites than now.
I mentioned once a Colombian author called Mario Mendoza. He wrote about his meetings with a hermit called Manuel. He said in his book that Manuel had been living as a hermit in a house on top of a tree in a town called Saverna near the border with Venezuela and that he got sick. A tumor began to grow in his throat and he decided not to follow any treatment. He was prepared for death and he even desired it. To him it was not a tragedy; it was a solution to a life he considered exhausted. He died some time later after his last conversation with Mendoza. Do I see myself doing what Manuel did? Not really. I want a fast exit.
Stay safe.
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Senor Raul,
For the last week or so I feel very tired.I keep a piece of cloth next to me to spit my mucus.Then I run to the wash room to vomit whatever I eat or drink.Cannot seem to hold down anything.
Yet for the company work I run all over the city, spitting, coughing,vomiting.(Not a drop of alcohol involved)
It got so bad that my parents took me the doctor.They ran a few tests- blood works,chest x-ray,they collected the muck I puke out.
That's why I couldn't write.Coughing all the time,spitting and vomiting.
Tomorrow I will get the test results and doctor's interpretation.
It's a tropical city where I live and must have all kind of bugs.
Anyway,having read Schopenhauer and some of Cioran is really helpful in such situations.
I always kept all the windows closed and while it worked while I was in rural areas ,in my city it does not work.
I just started keeping the windows open.It helps me breath.
Take care.
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This is what happens when the world in itself collides with the world for humans.
I find that the vomit-slippery,frothy,could be looked upon as the world in itself asserting itself.
The fact that I have no free will is a consolation.I was thinking about all the semen ,down the ages, it must have taken to push me forth into this world.
In effect, I have emerged from the Sea of Semen and now drowning in the Sea of frothy Saliva I produce myself.
I have read cases wherein the patient broke his own ribs due to the intensity of coughing or literally coughed out a small part of one of his lungs.
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There is a great deal of similarity between the primordial slime which threw me out ,to the vomit I throw out.
I have seen the hyneas and the scavengers who look for a sick animal.
No bed rest allowed.Phone allows buzzing with work related demands.
I am drinking cranberry juice.It seems to help me with my coughing a little bit.
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Holden,
Thank you for your response. It is understandable that you could not write. From what you write your health condition is complicated. I hope you recover but it will take time. You are young but your body will heal. I sometimes have bronchitis and sinusitis. Coughing is really bad.
Here we have a subtropical climate. Now the heat is unbearable. 40 and 45 degrees Celsius. They are warning that a new wave of dengue is coming. I already caught dengue 3 years ago. Our city is filled with garbage. I suppose it is the price of consumerism.
You say that you have emerged from the Sea of Semen and now drowning in the Sea of frothy saliva. I think we have emerged from an ocean of semen and blood. This Earth is soaked in semen and blood.
Once again I hope you recover ASAP, as they say in American English.
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Senor Raul,
I sometimes have bronchitis and sinusitis. Coughing is really bad.
-Senor Raul
He told me I have contracted tuberculosis of the lungs.I feel like vomiting all the time.I vomit a bit and type a few words.
https://ibb.co/YX9sRMC
Here are my lungs, the white cloud is some kind of fluid and it slowly drowning my lungs.I knew sooner or later something like this will happen.
The doctor said they will bury a syringe and pump out the fluid from my body and then at least 6 months on meds.
Its the tuberculosis of the lungs. I do mind vomiting a great deal. I feel weak. If I take a long leave I will be transferred away from my parents.
I do my best.Try to work for 3 seconds at a time. I went to the mall as the parents are out of town and I went to the mall in the hope that I will be able to get something to eat as all the food I cook myself I puke out.I was in the check out counter but the queue was so long that I almost feel down as I was dizzy .With the last ounce of my strength I went to a side alley and sat there for two seconds.A lady said to her companion-whats wrong with him?
I got up again ,I had left behind the stuff I wanted to buy, the security said you cannot exit from this gate,I said I have bough nothing.I dashed. He shouted at me but my ears were ringing. I sat in a bench outside and in a couple of laps was home.
I don't mind even losing the job but it means a great deal to my parents.
I wish the white haze would cover me entirely soon. Isn't it a bit like- Kafka's Metamorphosis. I swear to God it is.
I am going to take TB antibiotics and skip the invasion procedure as that would entail my hospitalisation. In India, in private hospitals once you go in,they wont leave you for atleast 1 month.
Well,take care.
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Holden,
Your health now is the top priority. Your condition is much more delicate now. I am sure, from what you write, those antibiotics will help you but it will take some time.
Your parents must understand that your health is the most important thing now. I can only suggest that you write only when you can. You are going to need a lot of rest and tranquility. I hope you can can have both of them.
Take care.