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Posted by: Creepy Sleepy
« on: May 12, 2021, 07:13:51 pm »

In Huxley's Brave New World, "the Savage" had one demand:  the right to be unhappy.
Posted by: Holden
« on: September 28, 2017, 04:54:20 am »

You remember what Schopenhauer once wrote to Goethe in a letter mentioned in his biography-he wrote something to this effect-unlike you, I am not a man of the world. What matters to me is my philosophy. What becomes of me, personally, is of very little significance, what is important is that I should be able to comprehend the world philosophically.
I sound like a prisoner because I am one.
I really think that most parents think of their babies are cuddly toys. If only they could imagine that one day that cuddly toy will grow big and will be shred to pieces by the others,then perhaps they would think twice before having a baby.
This thought came to me with surprising clarity today-my pain,my misery,though profound and intense, is still finite-so long as I make sure that I do not reproduce.It is only a matter of getting rid of time. I don’t think I want to commit suicide. But I do want this misery to end with my demise.
So,here is the deal,I only need to somehow get though these years of earthly existence and then I would be through ,for good.
At present I have an office job, if required,that is,if I am fired in the near future then I can take up a menial job. I mean,unlike,my colleagues,I am not obese and quite capable of working physically.
Of course if that were to happen then my parents and relatives would go crazy but I think now I am beyond the point of giving a damn.
I have been thinking about how you lost your job in the park. Even if the circumstances were a bit different I do not think that you would have been able to carry on with it for much longer-you are much too sincere and honest for that. Something very similar is happening with me. They are setting traps to get rid of me.What of it? It would take them,at the very least, a good few months to be able to do that.In the meantime,I can make some more money-it will stand me in good stead in the future.
We will see what happens-why so much strife? I only need to somehow kill time,some years and then the nature itself will set this prisoner free.

Posted by: Creepy Sleepy
« on: September 27, 2017, 10:53:36 am »

You sound like a man serving a prison sentence.

While having my hair shaved off my dome yesterday, the woman said she did not understand when women expressed a desire to be young again.  I agreed, stating that I remember adolescence and early adulthood consisting of one hard lesson after another (the school of hard knocks?).   I then made the analogy that someone expressing this desire to be young again sounds as absurd as an ex-convict wanting to serve his prison sentence again, starting from the day of his arrest.    ::)

Posted by: Holden
« on: September 27, 2017, 04:03:34 am »

I do feel grateful every night knowing that one more day has gone by.The day usually takes its toll before it is over but at least it is over.The amount of time I still need to be alive on this planet has got reduced a tiny bit.
Posted by: Creepy Sleepy
« on: September 26, 2017, 11:04:20 am »

The basic fact about human existence is not that it is a tragedy, but that it is a bore.

Man's natural instinct is never toward what is sound and true; it is toward what is specious and false.

[def specious -  Presenting a pleasing appearance; pleasing in form or look; showy.]

What a cruel and idiotic world we live in!

My notion is that all the larger human problems are insoluble, and that life is quite meaningless --- a spectacle without purpose of moral. I detest all efforts to read a moral into it.

H.L. Mencken

Hell is oneself;
Hell is alone, the other figures in it merely projections.  There is nothing to escape from and nothing to escape to.  One is always alone.
    ~ T.S. Eliot   The Cocktail party

Human kind
Cannot bear very much reality.
   Four Quarters


Dada smells of nothing, it is nothing,
nothing, nothing.
It is like your hopes: nothing
like your paradise: nothing
like your idols: nothing
like your politicians: nothing
like your heros: nothing
like your artists: nothing
like your religions: nothing
   ~ Francis Picabia, "Dada" Artnews 1921

He belongs to those whose fate it is to live the whole riddle of human destiny heightened to the pitch of a personal torture, a personal hell.  ~  Hermann Hesse Steppenwolf

All interpretations, all psychology, all attempts to make things comprehensible, require the medium of theories, mythologies and lies.

"Should we be mindful of dreams?" Joseph asked.
"Can we interpret them?"
The Master looked into his eyes and said tersely: "We should be mindful of everything, for we can interpret everything."   
Magister Ludi: The Glass Bead Game
Posted by: Creepy Sleepy
« on: September 26, 2017, 10:52:27 am »

I have the true feeling of myself only when I am unbearably unhappy.  ~ Franz Kafka  Diaries

It is not true that life is one damn thing after the other ---- it's one damn thing over and over.  ~ Edna St. Vincent Millay

It is not true that suffering ennobles the character; ... it makes men petty and vindictive.  ~  W. Somerset Maugham   The Moon and the Sixpence

What mean and cruel things men do for the love of God.  A Writer's Notebook

For life is at the start a chaos in whih one is lost.  The individual suspects this, but he is frightened of finding himself face to face with this terrible reality, and tries to cover it over with a curtain of fantasy, where everything is clear.  It does not worry him that his ideas are not true; he uses them as trenches for the defense of his existence, as scarecrows to frighten away reality.  ~ Jose Ortega y Gasset  The Revolt of the Masses

Posted by: Creepy Sleepy
« on: September 26, 2017, 10:28:03 am »

Unamuno's assessment originates from his conviction that man is radically alone and without a clue, conditions we can do nothing to remedy.  The uncertainty that taints all of our actions is the source of the free floating anxiety that always haunts us.  Doubt and anguish, in fact, are the foundations of Unamuno's philosophy.  Religion will not remedy our obsession for absolutes because it cannot be rationally justified, and reason only guides us to skepticism and ultimately despair.

The weeping does nothing.  Hopelessness and despair are the conditions of life.  Given these conditions, it is best to immerse oneself in difficulties to temporarily escape the paralyzing meaningless of existence.
  ~ Alan R. Pratt writing about Miguel de Unamuno

The universe is unjust.  The secret of happiness is to face the fact that the world is horrible, horrible, horrible ... you must feel it deeply and not brush it aside. ~ Bertrand Russell  The Passionate Sceptic

Many people would sooner die than think.  In fact they do.  Thinking About Thinking

Academic philosophers, ever since the time of Parmenides, have believed that the world is a unity.... The most fundamental of my intellectual beliefs is that this is rubbish.  I think the universe is all spots and jumps, without unity, without continuity, without coherence or orderliness or any of the other properties that governesses love .... it consists of events, short, small and haphazard.  Order, unity, and continuity are human inventions, just as truly as our catalogues and encyclopedias.     Autobiography

Few people can be happy unless they hate some other person, nation or creed.   Attrib.

Posted by: Holden
« on: September 22, 2017, 10:56:10 am »

Am I surprised with the figures? Yes. They are way too low. I would have expected a far bigger number. How is it possible to live on this planet for one day, let all a life time,I cannot possibly conceive. They think it is all so beautiful,so wonderful. They breathe,they orgasm.They party.
I am afraid the party is about to get over- and then what?

Even creature groans in pain but only one in a million has compassion in his heart. Hatred is far more common. They want to redesign the society ,rewire the human being in line with REASON. Well, human reason ,being what it is, takes us to only one place:The Slaughter House.
Posted by: raul
« on: September 21, 2017, 02:34:44 pm »

Yes,that is what Rust Cohle said in one scene. I do not understand the sentence "to bear witness". I mean to bear witness, what for?

As for suicide, it is estimated that 30,000 people kill themselves each year. However, the actual figure is likely much higher. The World Health Organization estimates that almost a million people around the globe take their lives each year, The same organization also estimates that 10 to 20 million people attempt suicide each year.
I suppose for many bearing witness is no longer an option.

We,humans are just like tissues to be used, specially for ugly purposes and then discarded. Yes, life is evil.

"W.H. Auden,September 1, 1939,”
I and the public know
What all schoolchildren learn,
Those to whom evil is done Do evil in return

Take care of yourself, take of your books and your computer. I suppose you store them in a safe place,
You see, your books and your computer might be used as "evidence" for your "deviant" behavior.
Posted by: Holden
« on: September 21, 2017, 04:16:58 am »

Senor Raul,

You wrote somedays back,something like this from "True Detective":
 I tell myself I bear witness, but the real answer is that it's obviously my programming, and I lack the constitution for suicide

That that is really appropriate in my case. Very,very appropriate.

Keep well.
Posted by: Creepy Sleepy
« on: September 19, 2017, 10:06:30 am »

Have you been reading Wittgenstein's Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus?

The reason I ask is, well, I notice your use of numbering a sequence of statements.

I recall the effect reading that had on me.  I begain numbering every single statement I made in my journal, even with decimal places.  It became a real hinderance and I would never be able to keep track of my current flurry of notes with such a strategy.

It is useful here though.   If my posts are overwhelmingly chaotic for you, I can try to order them a little using this Wittgensteinian tactic.  I notice most text books use a similar method for organizing the subject matter.

Posted by: Holden
« on: September 19, 2017, 04:10:33 am »

1.Is our quest not remarkably similar? Though, of course, it is not in the academic arena.
Sometimes the cognition of our plight overwhelms me completely and all I can focus on is on keeping my head from bursting.

2.But there are moments, when I do rather like toying with maths.Perhaps a psychiatrist would diagnose me with Asperger's, which I am told "is a developmental disorder characterized by significant difficulties in social interaction and nonverbal communication, along with restricted and repetitive patterns of behavior and interests."

3.What they call Asperger's was called Asceticism once.

4.Kant tell me that what I see around me is, in the final analysis,not real at all. And that which I cannot "see" is the most real thing in the entire universe.
Posted by: Creepy Sleepy
« on: September 18, 2017, 12:39:43 pm »

Yes, thank you Holden, I did read every page of Logicomix.  In fact, the film you suggested, the man who knew infinity (the life story of Ramanujan), had me recalling this Logicomix - many of the same characters/people are in both.

I mentioned Logicomix here in the D-503 thread (Why Mathematics? forum) a year and a half ago, but then again, I never followed up or reported much about it. 

I am glad you found it on your own anyway. 

At least we don't have to deal with the politics of Academia.  There are some real advantages to living in the zone of the untouchable deadbeat underclass, that's for sure.
Posted by: raul
« on: September 18, 2017, 07:36:57 am »

That is the impression I get from your comments. A lady waiting for beloved Holden and of course the family would like to see the results nine months later. Two or three Holden Jrs.

Continue with your stories,mathematics, philosophy and literature. As you said more or less, your books are your babies.
Posted by: Holden
« on: September 18, 2017, 06:02:14 am »

To Herr Hentrich and Senor Raul,

1. Senor Raul,I have posted something about my nightmares in the "Why Sleep" section.

2. I don't know for sure if there is a lady waiting for  me for matrimony.If there is ,I am  afraid she is going to have to wait till the hell freezes over.

3. Herr Hentrich-your ideas and that of Herr Schopenhauer and Herr Kant are as important to me as oxygen. They make things clear to me which would otherwise have remained obscure .

4. As a child I was quite lonely,most of the times ,I played by myself. Most of the time I read comic books.Speaking of comic books.Here is one that might interest you.Its a comic book about Bertrand Russell, logic, math and madness.
Posted by: raul
« on: September 17, 2017, 07:25:35 am »

Thank you for you response. You have a talent for writing as I can clearly see when you share your thoughts in this board. Your talent must not be wasted.

"Why is it you think your relatives believe the lie?  - the lie that, if you would just settle down with a girl, how you would stop feeling so "suicidal"?"
Everywhere this is a problem. I remember twenty-three years ago when one of my uncles complained that I had no girlfriend. Moralistic motherfucker. Much later I wasl told that my aunt left him to go with a Catholic priest. What a life!

Indirectly this marriage thing reminds me of my sister´s friend who has a cleaning lady. She is 41 years old and mother of eight children. She separated from her ex husband and he by law has to provide money. Now she has to go to court to enforce that legal measure because she gets very little money(roughly USD 75) and the guy is ,in her words, alcoholic. Marriage, clearly, is not for everyone.

I am not sure but Pope Benedict stated that Purgatory was no longer considered part of the Catholic teachings. However, maybe this Earth is Purgatory!

From what you are writing, I have the impression that your family has already a lady in mind for you. Maybe I am wrong but she too is eagerly waiting for you.

"THERE DEFINITELY IS A CONSPIRACY. They want everyone to know their place."
Yes,that´s true. Specially they want you to know your place.

"I think in most cases the Employer and the Family are hand in glove.They both almost coordinate to keep a man down. Anything which sticks out even slightly is mowed down mercilessly . Now,the young man has been sent to another section.Fine. He has been sent to the Purgatory  which is supposed to cleanse him from him sins.They believe I suppose,that I was 'corrupting' him. I used to tell him things like-"Don't give a damn about Promotions and the "Performance Related Pay". I think ,they would succeed too,he has a young wife and a kid. They have him by the balls."

Yes, you corrupt the minds. You are dangerous, a menace to established norms. Sinner, what´s what you are. You suffer from an "unhealthy attachment to sin, that is, telling people not to "give a damn about Promotions and the Performance Related Pay". You are marked to be nailed to a cross.

I am not sure but when Lucifer and his cohorts rebelled, he said in Latin "Non Serviam" or roughly, we will not serve or obey.

Posted by: Holden
« on: September 16, 2017, 09:24:40 pm »

The Gort God must be defied.
Posted by: Holden
« on: September 16, 2017, 08:47:38 pm »

I must thank you,Herr Hentrich and you,Senor Raul for your kind and insightful words. They have been very,very helpful to me.
Do you think that happiness is even possible in this life?   What do you make of those who insist they experience long periods (months) of happiness?   What about those who repress negative experiences and only remember things that make them feel good inside?   

Do you think that most "couples" practice a mild form of deception in order to be kind to their mate, to spare them any further burdens?

Why is it you think your relatives believe the lie?  - the lie that, if you would just settle down with a girl, how you would stop feeling so "suicidal"?

The idea as Cioran puts it so well is to endure oneself. I do not believe in romantic love. How did Cioran manage to write so darkly yet have a long term relationship? Let's be charitable and say that that's one in a billion scenario.
They used the "Marriage Card" as a weapon to keep me in line,in the sense, that "don't ever think about leaving your job", "as it is you are unconventional enough", "if you try to talk about leaving the job and we would pester you with the possibility of your marriage."

I agree,there is such a thing as being too honest to be an employee or a husband. In fact, I think one of the reasons the Management hates my guts is because my defiant attitude gives the other employees something of an alternative to being a brown- noser.I know for a fact that there is at least one person in the office on whom my pessimistic attitude,to a degree, was rubbing off ,so the Management decided to crush both of us by sending us to far off ,different sections. THERE DEFINITELY IS A CONSPIRACY. They want everyone to know their place.

I think in most cases the Employer and the Family are hand in glove.They both almost coordinate to keep a man down. Anything which sticks out even slightly is mowed down mercilessly . Now,the young man has been sent to another section.Fine. He has been sent to the Purgatory  which is supposed to cleanse him from him sins.They believe I suppose,that I was 'corrupting' him. I used to tell him things like-"Don't give a damn about Promotions and the "Performance Related Pay". I think ,they would succeed too,he has a young wife and a kid. They have him by the balls.

Myself ,to quote Skynyrd,"I am free as a bird now, And this bird you can not change. And this bird you can not change. And this bird you can not change."
Senor Raul,you live in a predominately Catholic country,tell me, if I am wrong when I say this:

In Roman Catholic theology,Purgatory  is an intermediate state after physical death in which some of those ultimately destined for heaven must first "undergo purification, so as to achieve the holiness necessary to enter the joy of heaven," holding that "certain offenses can be forgiven in this age, but certain others in the age to come." And that entrance into Heaven requires the "remission before God of the temporal punishment due to [venial] sins whose guilt has already been forgiven," for which indulgences may be given which remove "either part or all of the temporal punishment due to sin," such as an "unhealthy attachment" to sin. Only those who die in the state of grace but have not yet fulfilled the temporal punishment due to their sin can be in Purgatory, and therefore no one in Purgatory will remain forever in that state nor go to hell.

So,this is their trick.They take the youth,who exhibit a tendency to deviate from the gort norm and put them in the Purgatory,with the promise that if that "if they behave" ,they may yet get another "chance".That youth is in a limbo now.
But tell me,can the Gort-God send Lucifer himself to the Purgatory to cleanse him from his "sins"?In a word,no.
Better to reign in Hell, than to serve in Heaven.I want to assure both of you, that I remain defiant, both with regard to the prospects of marriage and that of having a long term "career".My job ,at most,is only a stop gap arrangement. That is all it is. I told my boss the other day not to entertain such absurd thoughts that I give a rap about  what my "Performance Appraisal" is going to be like.

They have asked the youth to shun my company and in return he will have "bright long term career prospects".So be it.Let him become the CEO.I would just remain the pessimistic dead beat. Solitude is the best society.
They give me this option- "Choose the gort way of life  or be for ever fall'n.I choose to be "for ever fall'n. I am too much of a wolf to ever become a gort pet puddle or a lap dog.

Innumerable force of Spirits armed,
That durst dislike his reign, and me preferring,
His utmost power with adverse power opposed
In dubious battle on the plains of Heaven
And shook his throne. What though the field be lost?
All is not lost—the unconquerable will,
And study of revenge, immortal hate,
And courage never to submit or yield;
And what is else not to be overcome?


Post Scriptum: Senor Raul,I would be writing about my nightmare in section named "Why Sleep".
Posted by: raul
« on: September 16, 2017, 07:02:02 am »

Is it not coming to this world a conspiracy? I believe it is.
Do you remember your nightmares? Maybe it is a good idea if you could write them down.

"The machine that is this society is grotesque and most absurd."
Indeed it is. And we are cogs in this machine. We oil the evil machine. The machine needs the living puppets because without puppets the orders of the Master would be howling in the wind.

Take care of yourself.

Posted by: Holden
« on: September 16, 2017, 04:05:41 am »

To Herr Hentrich and Senor Raul,

Is happiness possible in life? Not if the noumenon is fanged.One cannot defang the noumenon.
Most people including my relatives think of me as deadbeat.
I think we have stumbled upon a conspiracy far more secretive and nefarious than the so-called Illuminati.
could ever dream about.

I have been having nightmares over the last few nights. Terrible ones,more Kafkaesque than Kafka.
As the Upanishads say I am the wound with nine holes. In the final analysis, it is all about getting rid of

This strong,constant spurt and surge that the "Will to Live" is,is positively evil and cannot be easily tamed.
In ancient India,or so I have heard, the ascetics used to leave their towns and villages for the Himalayas.
Individually, not as a group. There, they used to make sure that they had complete solitude.

They used to servive only on the roots and fruits of the plants around them. They used to contemplate on the
nature of existence the whole day long.
The machine that is this society is grotesque and most absurd.

How come we have millions of unemployed people all around and yet the offices are perpetually under staffed and are the staff are over worked? There you have the "Will to Live" at its worst.