Yes, after Schopenhauer's direct style, I found most the "revered" philosophers to be pompous and all-too-enthusiastic about their mental powers. I'm afraid the greatest philosophers and thinkers must end up living out their lives either in total despair or with a minimalist lifestyle where they merely require of themselves that they endure their own existence. I'm all for harm reduction and lifelong learning.
I wish to honor my own traumatized nervous system by giving great attention to the material theat most baffled me as a young adult, and which have never been adequately presented to me in such a manner ever since, even at the age (53) of an aging Steppenwolf; that is, a Steppenwolf who has not had an accident while shaving around his 50th birthday.
Maybe my subjective consciousness is too much of a perfectionist, and there is a way some of this "science-fiction philosophy," which may tend to glorify the horrific Thing-in-itself as trapped in its own unfolding agonizing growth, that may gel with the kind of honesty I am trying to nurture in attempting to at long last master specific material (about writing proofs) which I have long since craved to at least deepen my understanding and appreciation of.
Something in this restless flesh is drawn to the notation of set theory ... I know there exist intellectuals in and out of Academia (Universities) who have far deeper understanding, but I am only concerned with my own, and I do not wish to be instructed so much as to refer to my own notes and carefully scribbled solutions, many of which have evolved in notebooks with unlined blank sheets.
We are these weird creatures, that's certain. We are, as a species, Freaks of Nature, no?
I hear the United States military is some kind of Prison Zoo Farm Circus Nightmare.
There are days I cringe at being so very dependent upon what appears to be a Ship of Helpless Fools.
There is a false sense of security even in the mathematics texts I study (that is, have made into some kind of quasi-religious relic). They assume an endless amount of time and tranquility for cognition, rumination, meditation, serious problem solving ... and thinking through logical proofs. On what soil is such material to be presented? For now, it happens within the mind of the One Who Seeks and FInds.
Our lives, our narratives, must be more dream-like and Kafkaesque/sci-fi than those who believe in an "Objective World" would like us to admit. Is there a Natural History, or is all time and space cyclical? Will not all our words and symbols and statements and theorems be eaten by the void in the end?