{∅, {∅}, {∅, {∅}}} : Rage Against the Meat Grinder

I do want to "ceaselessly philosophize".

I  don't value  originality.What  can be original in  this world?The  more  I read  philosophy the more I  get   convinced   that  Schopenhauer  was right.  In  the beginning  I  used to  get  disturbed whenever  I  read  something    contradicting    him but  now  I rather  enjoy it , for I  can see   where  exactly  the author is  committing a  mistake.

As   I  got out of  the subway station in   the evening today,  I  started to feel  very  heavy  hearted. We are  all really  vicious  animals. That is what we  are .   Without  you  and  Schopenhauer    I  would most  likely  have  got  lost    in   all   the  confusion   that  surrounds me.

I  remember,about  10 years  back when  I  had  just  started  working,once  thinking  to  myself  that  the   rich and the   successful will make fun  of  me even on  my  dying  day. I  no  longer  feel that way. You  have opened   my  eyes.   

But  I  remain  a very hateful man, like a dog  that  was   brutally beaten  everyday with  a  whip when it   was   a  little puppy, I  rush to bite  everyone.
The  fact  that  I   could  know  you    and   Schopenhauer assures me  that  no matter what  misfortune    I    run  into in the  future, my    life  would  not have been a  complete   failure.

Our very quest for salvation is a torment, the subtlest, the best camouflaged of all.
 -Cioran

I behold myself as some kind of wizarding monk who is documenting a forgotten experimental approach in introducing proof-based abstract mathematics to high school students.   The subtle changes I inject into the solutions gives me a sense of creativity, but a strict adherence to the formal presentation of the algebraic structures and computational methods adds the "monk" dimension to it.   

That is, unlike someone such as Arthur Schopenhauer who spoke 7 different languages and was financially independent, that is, one who was able to make use of his economic status to gain intellectual, mental, and spiritual independence, I may be more rough around the edges with limited mental capacity who is drawn to the computational mathematical methods, but who must struggle to maintain the rigor of "formal pure mathematics."

Keeping this in mind, I see what a Razor's Edge it is, that there is another life, another option, cracking beers in the morning, shuffling through the work-a-day world, then living some kind of delusional fantasy in a half-drunken state at night.  The freaks come out at night, right?

But I have been spared such a fate thanks to my being tone deaf, where my singing is not "entertainment," but more of a gutteral animal emoting.  So, after the smoke has cleared, in an almost novelesque way, this aging creature, not quite ancient, but certainly beyond its prime, returning to those "school mathematics texts," honoring the material in such a way, adds a kind of Joseph Campbell MYTHS TO LIVE BY dimension to this otherwise mundane and redundant ritual of breathing in and out.

To be a freak of Nature is not a choice.  I think that being a freak with a rich inner life may be infinitely less depressing than one who is compelled to engage with the social fabric, or even to offer oneself up as passive entertainment, to be poked with a stick like a circus gEEk in a cage.

I would say that developing a love for solitude, almost a requirement for serious reflection and contemplation; that is, for the development of a mental life, would spare those the fate of being sucked up by the music industry fantasies ...

All in all, I suppose we are all monsters if we viewed ourselves honestly.   Creepy senstive imbalanced monsters who eat and poop and decompose.

Holden, were you able to view the Dazed Inn Daydreams video (no sound) while listening to Diary of a Madman (starting it about 20 seconds prior to sarting the video)?

They synch up well, and give the poor protagonist rocker at least a minimal amount of Dignity.

The Hackik clips are quite the tear-jerkers.  They caught me by surprise.   

I really wish I would become more like you and Schopenhauer.