Author Topic: I am on the outside..looking inside..what do I see...Much confusion, disillusion  (Read 535 times)

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Holden

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Depersonalization can consist of a detachment within the self regarding one's mind or body, or being a detached observer of oneself. Subjects feel they have changed and that the world has become vague, dreamlike, less real, or lacking in significance. It can be a disturbing experience.

Individuals who experience depersonalization feel divorced from their own personal self by sensing their body sensations, feelings, emotions, behaviors etc. as not belonging to the same person or identity.Often a person who has experienced depersonalization claims that things seem unreal or hazy. Also, a recognition of a self breaks down (hence the name).

Depersonalization is a subjective experience of unreality in one's self, while derealization is unreality of the outside world. Although most authors currently regard depersonalization (self) and derealization (surroundings) as independent constructs, many do not want to separate derealization from depersonalization.
La Tristesse Durera Toujours                                  (The Sadness Lasts Forever ...)
-van Gogh.

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forthebirds

  • Philosopher of the Void
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Am I not real? Or is this world not real?

Am I so real, that I realize that I am fake?

Holden

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To Forthebirds
« Reply #2 on: July 10, 2017, 04:08:29 am »
Hello Forthebirds,

I am glad to see you again.How have you been?
La Tristesse Durera Toujours                                  (The Sadness Lasts Forever ...)
-van Gogh.

forthebirds

  • Philosopher of the Void
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Hello Holden! It's good to see you too! I'm still around. Still wondering about the universe as I usually do, while trying to avoid falling into the many traps of mind-numbing states of being! ;) I hope that you are well.

Holden

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I do wish you wrote more often.There are so few of us here. Just Herr Hentrich,Senor Raul & you.
Have you read anything new by David Icke?

I am like a magnet for bad luck & unfortunate events. One after another,with no end in sight.
I do appreciate you writing here a great deal.I do cherish you.

But of course,at the end of the day-we are all on our own.I am thoroughly disgusted with the world.And with the people too.

But,the Strong Man is Mightiest Alone,isn't it?
La Tristesse Durera Toujours                                  (The Sadness Lasts Forever ...)
-van Gogh.

forthebirds

  • Philosopher of the Void
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I am usually up for writing, it's just that I hardly have anything to say, haha! I think I remember once telling the H of many names that I just don't like words very much, because they take time, and it can be difficult to express. I make exceptions for this forum when I feel an "inspiration," with respect to those who choose to go down rabbit holes like you and H. You are probably some of the few who might understand my kind of madness, and vice-versa. Or at the least, I see us as speaking different languages, but with very similar words, if that makes sense :)

No, I have not read any more by David Icke, but I believe that I have at least one book somewhere around here that I intend to get to. I know that after that, I will watch one of his lectures on youtube that would be him speaking around the time that the book was written. After watching that lecture, I will then move on to his 2 most recent books that he's written. So I am falling quite behind on his research, and do not know what else he has discovered, though I look forward to the day when I can get back to that. But that will have to wait as I am trying to pursue a few other goals at the moment and they require a lot of my time. Additionally, I must keep up with leisure time, lest I loose more of my sanity. Thinking of leisure, I really do miss the whywork site. I am glad that this forum exists, so I can still hold onto those thoughts here. The concept of wage-slavery comes back to me sort of like the ghost of an ideal, but it is still being pursued by me.

I cherish you as well Holden. I have not forgotten how much you and H have helped me with your words when I was expressing myself as one who needed to be loved by someone else. This was a confusing time and you both gave me strength that no one else could. Ironically, my newfound fearlessness ended up getting me into a crazy situation with another one, which involved long distance travel and living with someone I'd never met. That thankfully ended very quickly, though, and I learned a great deal about myself from the experience. And the next time I saw a similar situation attempt to happen, I stopped it in its tracks. I know this may sound somewhat vague, but it's the image I care more about than the words. And this image is of me being offered a second portion of a meal, while I then put my hands out in a "stop" position, to say, "I have had my share, and no longer wish to take part in this." This has revealed to me much growth that is difficult to put into words, but I am grateful.

This talk of magnets. It makes me think of that law of attraction. What you believe, you attract, is the phrase I think they say. You know, one day, many years ago, I was asked by a friend if I had heard about this newly discovered law being talked about. I had not looked into it, but after it was explained, my response was something along the lines of, "Oh, so the general public is starting to catch on to this thing called sorcery, huh?" I think they still have a long ways to go. I do not believe that we attract what we believe. I believe that we attract what we fear. And there is more to it, but that is a big portion of magnetism, as I understand it.

Well Holden, I can see how you might feel on your own, but at the end of the day, I cannot state that completely, for I still believe in a power that is, to put it succinctly, God. Now that may be where you and I disagree, but like many things in life, that is fine and makes little difference in our individual worlds. We can all look at the same painting with different eyes, each drawing different conclusions about the purpose or meaning, and if there was even one at all. And yes, the world can be disgusting, but it can also be quite beautiful, and it is as we make it.

Look at this: Humans are ignorant and always making foolish mistakes. They are selfish and if left to their own devices, can even kill themselves without trying.
Now in the above stated, replace the word humans with babies. As far as spiritual evolution, this is what we are. Babies. Will you condemn the baby for idiocy? This is very difficult to see in humanity on a continual basis. Misanthropy is so easily invited when all we have to do is look around and see hate that this world breeds...

This has been a sobering thought and I realize that I may have gone off on a tangent there. I suppose this happens, sometimes, when I write. Well, I will say that I wish you good luck and good fortune, Holden!

Holden

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Thank you very much Forthebirds for your response.
I think we agree on almost everything.You wrote:
I believe that we attract what we fear.

That is certainly true in my case.I fear mental and physical suffering & I attract plenty of it.Seems like a vicious cycle.

What you call God,I call "the Will".
You write:
And yes, the world can be disgusting, but it can also be quite beautiful, and it is as we make it.
I could not agree more.The world can be astounding beautiful so long as we "just observe" it.
It turns ugly the moment we become a participant/player.


I think in the "future" there may come a "time" when we may reach the "God-like" state which you often write about.That state maybe more akin to non-existence than some sort of super-existence.
« Last Edit: July 14, 2017, 04:29:21 am by Holden »
La Tristesse Durera Toujours                                  (The Sadness Lasts Forever ...)
-van Gogh.

Holden

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The idea is that "God" , when he created the world, made a crucial mistake by saying, “Humans are too stupid to progress beyond the atom, so I will not specify both the position and the velocity of the atom.” What if reality itself is rather like a computer game where what goes on beyond quarks has not been programmed because it was not needed in the game? What if it is, in some sense, incomplete?”
In other words reality is abstract.

La Tristesse Durera Toujours                                  (The Sadness Lasts Forever ...)
-van Gogh.

forthebirds

  • Philosopher of the Void
  • Posts: 125
Holden,

I believe this cycle of fear sponsoring experience is precisely by design by the reps. But humans, other beings, the universe as we know it and don't know it... the story goes so deep. We can stare into the face of God and go mad or stare into the abyss and become it. Or we can dance around the middle of the spectrum and watch either side from afar - this is what I usually do. Does this make sense? I am asking what portion of reality do you wish to observe? What vantage point would you like to choose? This has an effect on your life. I believe it.

This world is supported by 2. That is a piece of energy bouncing from one point to the other. That is vibration. That is duality. That is relativity. dark/light, good/evil, and strongest of all sources, LOVE/FEAR. And when I say love, I do not mean the sappy romantic kind that usually falls apart for many. I mean acceptance, forgiveness, protection, empathy, and the ability to create. It is complete fearlessness of any consequence. And when I say fear, I mean the opposite of all of that, which is the easier power to understand, unfortunately, as it is so prominent in this world - the willingness to destroy. Any negative emotion can be broken down to fear at the root. Racism hides behind hatred, but at the root, is fear of what is different. If one strikes another and becomes angry - angry enough to strike the other back even harder, it may look as power and dominance, but the anger was rooted from a fear of having a broken body - The fear of being hurt.

Love and fear. These are the two powers of which life was based off. And these are the only two powers that we use to attract anything into our lives. The reps understand this very well and have manipulated us to constantly use fear in our choice of 2, daily. And the moment humanity truly understands this, we will no longer be destroyers of life, but creators.

All of that above is as I have learned and experienced. I only used the word "God," as I said, to put it succinctly. But God, Life, the universe - all of these are interchangeable. Even the word "change" I sometimes apply to God. This is a saying of mine at times I express when something bad happens to help remind me of my understandings:
Change is good. Change is God. I worship Change.
Also, I AM Change. And so are you. Do you understand what I am getting at here? Both you and I are God. God is everything. Everyone. The wind blowing as well as the baby crying. That is why we have so much power to create life. But we have forgotten so much and are afraid now because of it - and we keep unknowingly manifesting things we think of (with godly ease!)... bad things.

I do not follow the idea that God made a mistake in creating the world or humanity. I believe it went exactly as planned and that goes with the mythology I follow, but it is a lot to word. As for life being like a computer game - yes I agree with that, but I see it going further beyond the "what if" scenario that you presented. That goes into some really esoteric sh*t, and at that point of "thinking," my human brain starts to turn to jelly, so I will only present my thoughts as bullet points. It is sometimes the only way I can analize ideas like this.

Life, a computer program?

yes, a large portion of life is built on code.
this is similar to vibration frequencies. turn the knob = change the code.
this is also similar to magick. casting a successful spell = cheat codes.
having a baby = duplication/making an updated version, using DNA of two parents. even DNA is referred to as code in science.
miracle = defying the laws of physics = hacking.
what happens outside of the program? Not incomplete. Just more God, most likely beyond what is possible for anyone in this current dimension to understand or maybe even imagine.

Now is there a game within a game? possibly.
One game created by God/Us.
And a mini game created by the reps. I know that the next Icke book on my to-read list talks about how the moon is actually projecting some kind of energy onto earth/humanity. This might be that mini-game.

side-note: If you take enough steps back, you may even find that the reps are also God, and therefore, the mini-game is also part of the game created by Us. what a silly irony the reptilians would be in for if they discovered that.

so vast is the rabbit hole. so vast is the universe. so vast is Who We Really Are.

Holden

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Forthebirds,

Very fascinating,really very fascinating.Thank you for the time and effort you put in to write all this.
Greatly appreciated.

I see clearly where you are coming from,as I have read Icke too.I feel you are a better writer than him.
Quote
We can stare into the face of God and go mad or stare into the abyss and become it. Or we can dance around the middle of the spectrum and watch either side from afar - this is what I usually do. Does this make sense? I am asking what portion of reality do you wish to observe? What vantage point would you like to choose?


Yes,it does make sense.I agree,one's vantage point is critical. Once one has "stared into the "face of God",one cannot "unsee" it,can one?

Reps? Is that the short form for Representatives? Representatives of what?

Quote
Also, I AM Change. And so are you. Do you understand what I am getting at here? Both you and I are God. God is everything. Everyone. The wind blowing as well as the baby crying.

Yes,I can see what you mean.
« Last Edit: July 15, 2017, 04:24:56 am by Holden »
La Tristesse Durera Toujours                                  (The Sadness Lasts Forever ...)
-van Gogh.

forthebirds

  • Philosopher of the Void
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Thank you for the compliments :) By reps, I mean reptilians. That is how I usually write it out. My apologies for not stating so at the beginning.

Yes,it does make sense.I agree,one's vantage point is critical. Once one has "stared into the "face of God",one cannot "unsee" it,can one?

Exactly. I am glad that we were able to have such clear and fluid communication over these ideas!

Holden

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Forthebirds,
Whenever I look at snakes (common ones),I feel a great deal of repulsion.
I try to stay hidden in my room as much as I can but as you know very well one needs to go to the workplace to earn the bread and butter.
I swear the workplace has a lot of Reps for sure-all trying to pump my body full of their venom.
I guess I am like a rabbit ,a plaything for them.
Like a rabbit I try to hide in my burrow but these ruthless Reps just won't leave me alone.
By the way,I have observed quite a few Reps among the feminazis and women in general.
They treat me like a thing.But I am a Man. Hath not a Man eyes? Hath not a Man hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions? Fed with the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject to the same diseases, healed by the same means, warmed and cooled by the same winter and summer, as a Woman is? If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die? And if you wrong us, shall we not revenge?

Well,maybe not revenge.I'd just rather hide from them all.

Keep well.

La Tristesse Durera Toujours                                  (The Sadness Lasts Forever ...)
-van Gogh.