I do not know what to do with myself. Existence is a curse.Mr. Gary is also in a bad way.
I would not mind if I were dead soon. I would not mind that at all.The game itself is flawed.The only way to win is to refuse to play this silly game.
Is the landlord of Mr. Gary selling the property his abode is on?
That is a disaster for Gary. For him especially, such changes this may present might be insurmountable as far as Gary's frustration tolerance goes.
Myself, too, even though I see how this huge encyclopedic solution-key series of so many notebooks is my own peculiar way of following Schopenhauer, some important changes in my environment, such as having to dwell in environments which wreak havoc on my mental health, would certainly squash any plans of getting any further than I have already gotten with it. I have chosen to tackle a very long and often tedious task simply as a way to get through a life not worth living. I was curious to see if I had THAT kind of time, and THIS kind of patience and "good luck" (minus any of the uncertain misadventures that turn out the lights for good). The math notebooks are as sacred to to me as any poet's anthology is to him/her. Notebooks with handwritten notes large enough to read more easily than old texts with aging paper - to particular students of mathematics, these could serve as a cult artifact for Dolciani-series fanatics (
Modern Introductory Analysis and prerequisite material along with my homegrown programs in C++ on flash drives). The future audience is
very small, but they will be fanatics about acquiring these notebooks. This is my suspicion.
Maybe I am just a little delusional, somewhat "touched in the head," or maybe the future audience really will be THAT
VERY SMALL, a handful of total "Dolciani et al fanatics".
If something were to disrupt this "project," I would most likely suffer extreme anxiety which most likely would lead to getting hooked back on the morning juice, which would be catastrophic, if not totally fatal at this phase of my life. I would not live long enough to ever recoup whatever algebraic skills I have been able to polish over these last few years.
I sympathize with the vulnerable situation Gary finds himself in. I'm afraid it would not take much for me to be equally if not even even more vulnerable, that is, at risk of mental breakdown, homelessness, full blown psychosis.
It is important for me to keep my head together, but isn't this true for each of us?
Sometimes life dishes out too much for us to handle with any kind of dignity. Panic ensues. Nervous collapse.