Author Topic: Capernaum by Nadine Labaki  (Read 1766 times)

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raul

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Capernaum by Nadine Labaki
« on: August 14, 2019, 07:14:00 am »
Holden,

This is the film I told you about.

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Holden

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Re: Capernaum by Nadine Labaki
« Reply #1 on: August 14, 2019, 02:00:02 pm »
Senor Raul,
Thanks a ton.I just finished watching the trailer.Very close to my office sits a woman with 4 kids, I think one of them would be around 9 ,the second one is about 5,the third one is just a toddler and the fourth one is an infant. When I pass them buy they extend their begging bowl in front of me.

Here if you have kids you get all kinds  of tax benefits. As you well know ,we over here, are well on our way to overtaking China population-wise.I just don't know what to say, the scene wherein the kid says that he does not want his parents to have any more kids that was just, well, heart- rending.
I don't  know if can ever get our this wage slavery alive. Looking at what happened to Kafka, van Gogh.. the odds are not good. I don't mean I am like those people with respect to talent and all ,but yes, I am suffering as much as they ever did.

In my childhood, till about the age of ten, I stayed with my maternal grandmother. I was supposed to be her favorite grand kid( she had six).I have my doubts though. Well, she, may she rest in peace, suffered a great deal. One daughter of hers lost her husband soon after marriage, the son was a drunkard, another daughter got divorced soon after marriage,another daughter was frequently beaten black and blue by her husband and my mum(her youngest) got cancer.

And even when I was a kid ,she gave a piece of gold to my mum so that when I grew up and got married ,the piece of gold could be given to my wife. I don't blame her. Hell. I don't blame anyone for anything. She was as much an automaton as I am. My mum still  thinks I would get married.But if I ever got hold of that gold I'd sell it off,buy some groceries,maybe some books.

Granny once told me that you must try to become a district collector( top civil servant).Well, I just wanna hide. The world is too dangerous. And her own mum,my great grandmother, killed herself by drinking copper  sulfate solution within a week of the demise of my great grandfather.
My god, what a tragic family! On my father's side my cousin, she was just 20, hung herself over a failed love affair. The last thing that I remember her saying was, asking me when I was going to get married.

Well, what I am trying to say is, Schopenhauer was right. My grandmother, though very kind to me, was no match to him intellectually. I do not want to a top civil servant, I want to be....nothing.

La Tristesse Durera Toujours                                  (The Sadness Lasts Forever ...)
-van Gogh.

raul

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Re: Capernaum by Nadine Labaki
« Reply #2 on: August 15, 2019, 07:58:17 am »
Holden,

Thank you for your deep words. I think you a talent for writing these truths. You have had a tough life with your family. I am saddened to read that your mother got cancer. My mother unfortunately endured my father by taking a lot of pills, tranquilizers and antidepressants. Well, what can I say? What she did was a long term planned self-destruction and I and my sister were the ones who got harmed after all.

Tomorrow in this country is Children´s Day, August 16. This day is to remember those children, who wearing false beards in order to look like veterans, died in the War of the Triple Alliance. Marshall Francisco Solano López needed time to retreat so a contingent of 3,500 children was left to stop the 20,000 Brazilians. It was pure butchery. This event is known as the Battle of Acosta Ñú and it happened in 1869.   

Here most parents get legal benefits for children too. I don´t know how much they get paid. Unemployment is increasing and I see young men or girls holding their babies asking for a little money on the buses and streets and avenues.

If you get that piece of gold, well, keep it as long as you can. Exchanging gold for a worthless piece of paper is not a good business as you well know. But if you need food, you have to use it. Last month a Paraguayan gold digger died trying to find,what we call in Guarani, Plata yvyguy (it means money or treasure buried or hidden),  died because tons of sand buried him. In the times of the Paraguayan War (1864-1870) many families hid their gold as the army retreated from the Brazilians. So now many risk their lives trying to catch that gold, some succeed and some do not. And some die in tragic circumstances.

Professions, jobs, careers, work; To most I am a lost cause. Hahaha. F_ _ _ _them.

A relative told me that I am going to die of a heart attack because I feel so much bitterness and sadness. And as you say the world is too dangerous.

I copied these words I found.

“Wherever you turn your eyes you may see an end to your woes. Do you see that precipice? Down that lies the road to liberty; do you see that sea? that river? that well? Liberty sits at the bottom of them. Do you see that tree? Stunted, blighted, dried up though it be, yet liberty hangs from its branches. Do you see your own throat, your own neck, your own heart? They are so many ways of escape from slavery.

Seneca

Stay well.

Holden

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Re: Capernaum by Nadine Labaki
« Reply #3 on: August 16, 2019, 02:44:53 pm »
Senor Raul,

Do you take anything for your sadness and bitterness? I ask because I again had a big episode and a nervous breakdown in my office today. And my parents will probably be taking me tomorrow to see a psychiatrist for my interminable panic attacks and general gloomy disposition. I would tell you what transpired if I go there at all.

I am so tired emotionally that I have no will left to resist a session with the psychiatrist.I am in a very bad way. Weeping fits.My father will never let me leave my job so long as he is alive. He'd rather pump drugs into me ,turn me into a zombie and then send me off to my office.
What I have,I know there is no cure for it,but the symptoms are terrible too. Today I feel like jumping out of my skin and I have no experience with psychiatric drugs.I have run out of all excuses to avoid a session with the psychiatrist. Would you be so kind as to tell me what do you think Schopenhauer would make of anti-anxiety drugs.

I'll just place here a scene from one of the Broken Spirit's favorite movies:




La Tristesse Durera Toujours                                  (The Sadness Lasts Forever ...)
-van Gogh.

raul

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Re: Capernaum by Nadine Labaki
« Reply #4 on: August 16, 2019, 04:10:22 pm »
Holden,

No, I don´t take anything for my sadness and bitterness. I can´t sleep well many nights because I have to **** many times due to my prostate problem. I also have panic attacks and so I walk during the nights in my room. Sometimes I imagine myself leaving my body.

For some months I took Prozac but then I stopped taking it because it left me unable to react. The neurologist gave me pills if I have insomnia but I do not take them. I am thinking of taking valerian roots or passiflora.

Those psychiatric drugs really scare me. Seventeen years ago an ex classmate´ s mother was given solpan, a psychiatric drug, and as a result she went blind. Her sisters thought she had psychiatric issues when she already was suffering from Alzheimer. I still remember when my father was given queatiapine, a very powerful sleep aid, because he used to scream very aloud owing to the brain cancer. That was the only thing that kept him sedated and allowed all the other patients to get some sleep.

I am saddened to read that you have episodes and nervous breakdowns. I also have a gloomy disposition. Life is no party at all.

But who can blame you? All of us know what we can or cannot endure. As you write what you have, you know there is no cure for it,but the symptoms are terrible too. I completely agree with you.

Some say that I have bbutt face, meaning that my face shows how bitter I am all the time. Yes, I won´t lie. I want to react against my fellow human beings. I want to do what we all know as the law of retaliation. “Show no pity—life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot.” wrote the ancient Jewish authors, as I understand it.
Like you I am tired emotionally and physically. Maybe drained would be the right word. One factor to remain alive is that I still want to read what you, Hentrich and others in this blog write. Until when, well, we will see.

I honestly don´t know what Arthur S. would advise you in these circumstances.  Whatever your decision is, it must be respected.

Holden

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Re: Capernaum by Nadine Labaki
« Reply #5 on: August 18, 2019, 07:40:01 am »
Senor Raul.
Would you be kind enough to tell me what exactly do you mean when you say" For some months I took Prozac but then I stopped taking it because it left me unable to react."
Life is too much for me. I cannot make head or tails of it. Too infuriating.It was raining cats and dogs yesterday and the weather was quite gloomy.Isn't there a Romanian song called Gloomy Sunday which induces men to do away with themselves?
God, I am so sick and tired of everything,particularly mankind.There is just no way out at all. None.I am like a sick dog who sits in a corner and keeps lickings its ever festering wounds.To no avail,none at all.
Please tell me Senor Raul, in Paraguay, is suicide a rather common phenomenon.


https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_suicide_rate
I checked this out and it puts India at No.19,Paraguay at 86, the US at No.34 .But I can bet my bottom dollar ,in truth this is place is right there in top ten ,its ranked so low only because record keeping here is non-existent and every one wants to pass a suicide as an accidental death to save the family honour.

People are killing themselves like flies. Yes, like flies. And their bodily remains are also taken care of like that of the flies.

Keep well.
 
« Last Edit: August 18, 2019, 10:18:11 am by Holden »
La Tristesse Durera Toujours                                  (The Sadness Lasts Forever ...)
-van Gogh.

Silenus

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Re: Capernaum by Nadine Labaki
« Reply #6 on: August 18, 2019, 08:47:42 am »
Suicide rates are rising across the board here in the Corporate States of America, to the point where the government is proposing a new national hotline to call for those in such a crisis. Of course, such data will be useful to collect to keep tabs on people, as our government is beginning to take an umbrella approach to "mental illness" as being a cause of the mass shootings and general paranoia taking place in this rotting corpse of a civilization.

What will the solution be? I'm going to guess a concoction of pharmaceuticals, "rehabilitation" that tells people to go back out there and work, pay bills, submit to debts and "contribute to society," and maybe outright jailing or warding these "untouchable" people. Never can we critique "the system;" never must we raise skepticism towards work-slavery, mindless consumerism, the heirarchy of the apes, the illusions of progress and purpose, or just that for some people being alive is NOT alright. We HAVE to be GOOD CITIZENS!

Please keep us updated on your situation with the psychiatrist, if you do want to share it at all, Holden. I hope such a man as you will not have your hand forced into any unfavorable situations by your parents or the profiteers of psychology.
« Last Edit: August 18, 2019, 09:09:33 am by Silenus »

"And the strict master Death bids them dance."

raul

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Re: Capernaum by Nadine Labaki
« Reply #7 on: August 18, 2019, 09:55:50 am »
Holden,

I took Prozac since the end of August to November of 2018 and then again in February of this year. Prozac made me feel tired, anxious and nervous more than usual. Sometimes I had stomachache and diarrhea and dry mouth. I woke up in the morning feeling dizzy and sleepless. I was also prescribed alprazolam but I did not take it.

Indeed, Holden, life is too much. Life is a burden. Gloomy Sunday is a Hungarian Suicide Song and the original was written in 1932 by Rezső Seress.

Some years ago Juan Pablo Escobar Henao came to Paraguay. He was Pablo Escobar Gaviria´s son, one of the most cruel Colombian drug barons. He said that his father always thought of suicide. He lived by the motto “Better a tomb in Colombia than a prison cell in the United States”. He told his son that the best way to kill himself was by putting a bullet in the ear. Putting a bullet in the mouth or in the temple were not the best ways. I sometimes think of that.

Suicide is not a pleasant subject here. We have one suicide almost every day. It is considered to be the third cause of violent deaths. It affects more than 400 people per year. I think the official numbers should not be considered accurate. I think more people are killing themselves than what the authorities care to acknowledge.

I told an acquaintance that I am not a machine that can be injected oil and start again as if I were a faulty machine. This is the way I view psychologists and psychiatrists. As you say there is no cure for this malaise called life. 

This week a group of evangelical pastors gave some talks in the Ministry of Education. One of them said that his mother cured his suicide attempt after beating the ssShit out of him. That is the method to cure this problem, according to him.

This is the link if you want to listen to Gloomy Sunday.

 

Holden

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Re: Capernaum by Nadine Labaki
« Reply #8 on: August 19, 2019, 02:44:30 pm »
Mr. Silenus , my colleagues in the office are baying for my blood.The reason? I like to mind my own business and not indulge in any kind of gossip. When I get the panic attacks it feels as if cacti is wrapped all over my body and my head is literally on fire. They will just not let me be. In the World as Will and Representation, Schopenhauer says that in the East,the kings ,though wrapped in finery,always kept a vial of poison hidden in their clothes.

Unlike the US, here, there is no such thing as social security net-of any kind. One either works or starves and that is how it just is.And if one takes up any kind of job he needs to be a sycophant and that I can never be.I don't feel well.I know I am not insane,not anymore than the man in the street. But the atmosphere I live in is toxic in the extreme. You really need to see it to believe it.As far psychiatrists are concerned,well, I don't know yet what so say. I will keep you posted though.
I don't mind dying.Really I don't. But I just cannot bear the panic attacks. The panic attacks just drive me absolutely insane.I just cannot put up with them. I don't even know how to describe it properly.Its just terrible.
La Tristesse Durera Toujours                                  (The Sadness Lasts Forever ...)
-van Gogh.

Holden

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Re: Capernaum by Nadine Labaki
« Reply #9 on: August 19, 2019, 02:57:52 pm »
 I was also prescribed alprazolam but I did not take it.-Senor Raul

If I may ask,Senor Raul, why did you not take it? Any specific reason. Sometimes I feel so terrible I begin to think that my heart would literally stop beating. In those moments I fantasize about being a French Mathematician like Galois.I always wanted to learn math and French and what better way than to be a French Mathematician ;)
Yes, but my day dreaming lasts only for so long and then the reality comes crashing in-I am an Indian Clerk,one ,persecuted daily by his colleagues.

I remember once I was hospitalized about 10 years back in the ICU(long story), and I was in such terrible pain that I had never thought that such suffering could even exist.Pretty close to death.That would have been a horrible death. Anyway, what I meant to tell you is that, in that terrible pain,when I dropped off to sleep, I had the most amazing dream ever, I don't remember the details, but maybe nice things were happening to me in it,its almost as if my brain took pity on me and conjured up this dream in order to cheer me up and when I woke up... I just wanted to return to that dream forever. Of course it was not to be.I almost tried to kiss my own forehead/brain in order to thank it for helping me out. It was such a lovely dream.They even put a food pipe down my throat through my nose. Imagine that!

For the duration of the dream I felt no pain, in fact, I was full of joy. It was splendid. I wish I would be never woken up. But here I am, 11 years later,still suffering. Still weeping.
La Tristesse Durera Toujours                                  (The Sadness Lasts Forever ...)
-van Gogh.

Holden

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Re: Capernaum by Nadine Labaki
« Reply #10 on: August 19, 2019, 03:44:46 pm »
La Tristesse Durera Toujours                                  (The Sadness Lasts Forever ...)
-van Gogh.

raul

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Re: Capernaum by Nadine Labaki
« Reply #11 on: August 19, 2019, 04:38:37 pm »
Holden,

Thank you for your response. Four hours ago I went to the hospital and while I was waiting I saw a guy, getting out of the elevator, who was smiling and saying hello to everybody and making signs with his thumbs up. I saw him take a stretcher and on it there was a dead body wrapped in white sheets. This happens every day in a hospital specially. That is the way I am going to end if I am lucky to pass away in a hospital. I think the guy is used to taking lifeless pieces of flesh and bones in front of the patients.

I did not take alprazolam and I did not feel like taking many drugs. I am feeling the effects of alcohol withdrawal along with headaches, high blood pressure and prostate. I have a little cocktail in my body, so to speak. I am suffering the consequences of not dying earlier.
I would like to have nice dreams almost every day but that is not possible.

The following link has the last line: Save a life and yet the title is Ffuckk Life



Holden

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Re: Capernaum by Nadine Labaki
« Reply #12 on: August 20, 2019, 10:41:17 am »
Senor Raul,

Just for a moment forget about the whole of the Bible and the theological trappings except for the stations of the cross.This man was not only beaten up very badily physically but also humiliated publically. Hung upon a cross,naked.With people spitting on him,hurling abuses upon him.

One sometimes feels that way.Its dreadful, isn't it?To be tortured like that.Not just once.But everyday.Think of Groundhog's day resulting in daily crucifixion.It's essentially what my life is like.Crucifixion ,not once, but everyday ,for all eternity.





La Tristesse Durera Toujours                                  (The Sadness Lasts Forever ...)
-van Gogh.

Holden

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The Arm of Eternal Justice( Schopenhauer)
« Reply #13 on: August 20, 2019, 03:29:08 pm »
Senor Raul,
Some years back I shared the following here with Herr Kaspar and now I share it with you from the fourth book of the World as Will and Represenation:

A much more striking, but also a much rarer, characteristic of human nature, which expresses that desire to draw eternal justice into the province of experience, i.e.  of individuality, and at the same time indicates a felt consciousness that, as I have expressed it above, the will to live conducts at its own cost the great tragedy and comedy, and that the same one will lives in all manifestations, such a characteristic, I say, is the following. We some times see a man so deeply moved by a great injury which he has experienced, or, it may be, only witnessed, that he deliberately and irretrievably stakes his own life in order to take vengeance on the perpetrator of that wrong. We see him seek for some mighty oppressor through long years, murder him at last, and then himself die on the
scaffold, as he had foreseen, and often, it may be, did not seek to avoid, for his life had value for him only as a means of vengeance. We find examples of this especially among the Spaniards.  If, now, we consider the spirit of that desire for retribution carefully, we find that it is very different from common revenge, which seeks to mitigate the suffering, endured by the sight of the suffering inflicted; indeed, we find that what it aims at deserves to be called, not so much revenge as punishment. For in it there really lies the intention of an effect upon the future through the example, and that without any selfish aim, either for the avenging person, for it costs him his life, or for a society which secures its own safety by laws. For that punishment is carried out by individuals, not by the state, nor is it in fulfilment of a law, but, on the contrary, always concerns a deed which the state either would not or could not punish, and the punishment of which it condemns. It seems to me that the indigna tion which carries such a man so far beyond the limits of all self-love springs from the deepest consciousness that he himself is the whole will to live, which appears in all beings through all time, and that therefore the most distant future belongs to him just as the present, and cannot be indifferent to him. Asserting this will, he yet desires that in the drama which represents its nature no such fearful wrong shall ever appear again, and wishes to frighten ever future wrong-doer by the example of a vengeance against which there is no means of defence, since the avenger is not deterred by the fear of death. The will to live, though still asserting itself, does not here depend any longer upon the particular phenomenon, the individual, but comprehends the Idea of man, and wishes to keep its manifestation pure from such a fearful and shocking wrong. It is a rare, very significant, and even sublime

1 That Spanish bishop who, poisoned both himself and the French Generals.
Trait of character through which the individual sacrifices himself by striving to make himself the arm of eternal justice, of the true nature of which he is yet ignorant.


In a world as deeply irrational as ours, it is very difficult to say ,that an apparently insane man can ,at the same of point of time, never be the arm of Eternal Justice too.
La Tristesse Durera Toujours                                  (The Sadness Lasts Forever ...)
-van Gogh.

raul

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Re: Capernaum by Nadine Labaki
« Reply #14 on: August 20, 2019, 03:42:52 pm »
Holden,

I understand that a man or woman with a deep heart and intelligence will always be viewed with suspicion. To say that I am, we are, inhuman is not insulting. It really depicts us the way we really are.

Yes, life is being tortured on this cage. We lie to ourselves believing that life is good. Society would fall apart if suddenly if people started telling the truth.

Life is going through the Way of the Sorrows or Via Crucis. If there is something in common with Jesus is that I will be placed in a tomb or grave once this ordeal called life is over.  But unlike what he promised for the repentant thief, there will no kingdom for me.