Author Topic: as I reconstitute for the fourth time  (Read 116 times)

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Kaspar Hauser

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as I reconstitute for the fourth time
« on: October 24, 2020, 11:43:47 am »
Quote from: I
As you know by now, Schopenhauer encourages us to stubbornly enjoy our mental faculties in solitude.  Hell, it could be the best revenge against those who would prefer to see us out of our heads with panic and anxiety.

from Invitation to Explore Linear Algebra

Also: 

Quote from: I
I want to achieve some kind of balance, where literature and philosophy merge into one, where the demarcation between mathematics and programming gets fuzzy ... and I don't want to adhere to any schedules.

You know, as much as I agree that we all would have been better off never having been born, it is because I know how easily one can be put in a cage without access to books or computers, or even how difficult it is to lead the life of a scholar when homeless without a place to hide, store books and notebooks, I guess I am blessed to be so very content when I can just set up shop in some little room.   

(speaking to Holden during last few hours of year 2015) : I know from our discussions that you also appreciate just being able to lock yourself away in Hikikomori mode.

Further along ...

Quote from: I
I can just hear a psychoanalyst referring to my mood swings as manic-depressive mental illness, but I don't give a damn what they call it.  I am generally depressed, but I am doing some personal research on depressive realism to encourage myself to validate these dreary moods I experience when reflecting on the problems of existence ... and when I get all "manic" with mathematics and programming, well, it is much less pathological to channel this energy into returning to studying mathematics than to chasing oblivion with vodka.  I can see in my mind's eye all those poor wretched bodies chasing a hit off a crack pipe, and I shudder at the horror of the human condition.

What is it do you think I am chasing when I seek to deepen my understanding of mathematics I was exposed to so many years ago?

When I visualize a vector in 3-dimensional space, for the moment at least, it doesn't seem to matter that existence itself is malignantly useless.

Another keen insight by Holden (hiding in the Linear Algebra thread):
Quote from: Holden
You say you no longer speak like you did in the H.Files. That you are no longer possessed.  But could it be that the only difference is that now you are possessed by a demon of a higher order?  (Maybe the earlier demon drove you to speak in the recorder & this one drives you to do math?)

... a symbolic attempt to claim my mental space ...

https://youtu.be/LGVDjCxJ8vQ

Quote from: Holden
I know that your are obsessed with  abstruse, arcane, oracular math symbols.Could it be that the mathematical equation and the code you put here are actually “SATANIC VERSES”?  SATAN the Ultimate Dissident?

?

Quote from: I
Maybe we will discover a novel approach to this supposedly unfathomable phenomenon we call mathematics.  What if the whole idea of professional mathematicians is, like the old priesthoods which claimed to be the only door to divinity, prevents the novice and mediocre enthusiast from approaching the realm of mathematics as a self-ordained mathematician?

(May 2016)
« Last Edit: October 24, 2020, 12:48:11 pm by Sticks and Stones »
Things They Will Never Tell YouArthur Schopenhauer has been the most radical and defiant of all troublemakers.

Gorticide @ Nothing that is so, is so DOT edu

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