Author Topic: as I reconstitute for the fourth time  (Read 872 times)

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Nation of One

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as I reconstitute for the fourth time
« on: October 24, 2020, 11:43:47 am »
Quote from: I
As you know by now, Schopenhauer encourages us to stubbornly enjoy our mental faculties in solitude.  Hell, it could be the best revenge against those who would prefer to see us out of our heads with panic and anxiety.

from Invitation to Explore Linear Algebra

Also: 

Quote from: I
I want to achieve some kind of balance, where literature and philosophy merge into one, where the demarcation between mathematics and programming gets fuzzy ... and I don't want to adhere to any schedules.

You know, as much as I agree that we all would have been better off never having been born, it is because I know how easily one can be put in a cage without access to books or computers, or even how difficult it is to lead the life of a scholar when homeless without a place to hide, store books and notebooks, I guess I am blessed to be so very content when I can just set up shop in some little room.   

(speaking to Holden during last few hours of year 2015) : I know from our discussions that you also appreciate just being able to lock yourself away in Hikikomori mode.

Further along ...

Quote from: I
I can just hear a psychoanalyst referring to my mood swings as manic-depressive mental illness, but I don't give a damn what they call it.  I am generally depressed, but I am doing some personal research on depressive realism to encourage myself to validate these dreary moods I experience when reflecting on the problems of existence ... and when I get all "manic" with mathematics and programming, well, it is much less pathological to channel this energy into returning to studying mathematics than to chasing oblivion with vodka.  I can see in my mind's eye all those poor wretched bodies chasing a hit off a crack pipe, and I shudder at the horror of the human condition.

What is it do you think I am chasing when I seek to deepen my understanding of mathematics I was exposed to so many years ago?

When I visualize a vector in 3-dimensional space, for the moment at least, it doesn't seem to matter that existence itself is malignantly useless.

Another keen insight by Holden (hiding in the Linear Algebra thread):
Quote from: Holden
You say you no longer speak like you did in the H.Files. That you are no longer possessed.  But could it be that the only difference is that now you are possessed by a demon of a higher order?  (Maybe the earlier demon drove you to speak in the recorder & this one drives you to do math?)

... a symbolic attempt to claim my mental space ...



Quote from: Holden
I know that your are obsessed with  abstruse, arcane, oracular math symbols.Could it be that the mathematical equation and the code you put here are actually “SATANIC VERSES”?  SATAN the Ultimate Dissident?

?

Quote from: I
Maybe we will discover a novel approach to this supposedly unfathomable phenomenon we call mathematics.  What if the whole idea of professional mathematicians is, like the old priesthoods which claimed to be the only door to divinity, prevents the novice and mediocre enthusiast from approaching the realm of mathematics as a self-ordained mathematician?

(May 2016)
« Last Edit: October 24, 2020, 12:48:11 pm by Sticks and Stones »
Things They Will Never Tell YouArthur Schopenhauer has been the most radical and defiant of all troublemakers.

Gorticide @ Nothing that is so, is so DOT edu

~ Tabak und Kaffee Süchtigen ~

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Nation of One

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Re: as I reconstitute for the fourth time
« Reply #1 on: April 20, 2022, 05:07:53 am »
Brave New World, indeed:  1

John the Savage

https://youtu.be/raqVySPrDUE?t=39

Classism ... programmed, coerced classicism.

https://youtu.be/raqVySPrDUE?t=320

https://youtu.be/raqVySPrDUE?t=431

Sent to Iceland for unorthodox behavior?

Isn't Iceland great?  Is this not where Bjork is from?  She is terrified of the derangement going down in Rat Race Divided Snakes of Amerika.

 :-\

John the Savage gets a phone call about his mother and leaves:

https://youtu.be/raqVySPrDUE?t=451

classic literature

https://youtu.be/raqVySPrDUE?t=466

world controller school ?

https://youtu.be/raqVySPrDUE?t=524



There seem to be parallels to The Scarlet Letter
« Last Edit: April 20, 2022, 10:48:36 pm by Mike E. Mic :: Hyper-Retarded Nuclear-Bum »
Things They Will Never Tell YouArthur Schopenhauer has been the most radical and defiant of all troublemakers.

Gorticide @ Nothing that is so, is so DOT edu

~ Tabak und Kaffee Süchtigen ~

Holden

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Re: as I reconstitute for the fourth time
« Reply #2 on: April 20, 2022, 02:07:27 pm »
I am acquainted with the book.To tell you the truth, I neither identified with the "civilized" hierarchical society depicted in the book ,nor with the savages who still continue to have babies the natural way.

I could ,to a large extent,relate with Winston (of 1984).
I hope you are feeling better.
« Last Edit: April 20, 2022, 02:09:29 pm by Holden »
La Tristesse Durera Toujours                                  (The Sadness Lasts Forever ...)
-van Gogh.

Nation of One

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Re: as I reconstitute for the fourth time
« Reply #3 on: April 20, 2022, 10:45:37 pm »
No, sorry to say, Holden, I am simply becoming more emboldened with less and less to lose.  I have to stand my ground even if I may be standing the wrong ground.  What is going to unfold, others seems to be dictating, but I am honest enough to say I do not know what is going to happen next; but if my mother (and I?) are not careful, we will become permanently estranged.

I feel similar to Henry Fool when he said he wished to "blow a hole through this world's idea of itself." 

That is, I want to teach respect, especially to those who have so disrespected me.  On some level, I understand how under-appreciated I have been.   When do we wake up from this bad dream?





« Last Edit: April 20, 2022, 11:01:36 pm by Mike E. Mic :: Hyper-Retarded Nuclear-Bum »
Things They Will Never Tell YouArthur Schopenhauer has been the most radical and defiant of all troublemakers.

Gorticide @ Nothing that is so, is so DOT edu

~ Tabak und Kaffee Süchtigen ~

Holden

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Re: as I reconstitute for the fourth time
« Reply #4 on: April 21, 2022, 02:47:52 pm »
You are a lion,a German lion, they cannot tame.
As for the dream,well, I do not think it ends. You know I think Kant would be quite a bit like Schopenhauer, if he were not so Gortish.
I do not think we never wake up. Even when I am wide awake during the day, I quite often can detect a dream-like quality in my experiences.
I think when my physical body dies even that would be an experience full of  “unreality”. Schopenhauer and Cioran could put up with such long lives only because they were solitary.I’m quite sure people can drive one insane rather easily.
Take care.

La Tristesse Durera Toujours                                  (The Sadness Lasts Forever ...)
-van Gogh.

Nation of One

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Re: as I reconstitute for the fourth time
« Reply #5 on: April 21, 2022, 09:20:31 pm »
Quote from: Holden
You know, I think Kant would be quite a bit like Schopenhauer, if he were not so Gortish.

I am so relieved to read these words.  I've never thought to call out Kant on his gortish deference to "authorities" ... You are not afraid to point such things out.  You are probably one of Schopenhauer's favorite disciples, Holden.  It would blow his mind to see how far his spirit has travelled ... all the way back to the source of that which assured him he was on the right path.

Thank you for your support, Holden.  It has often sustained me enough to allow me to fall asleep.  Your ancestors must love you a great deal.  May we be relieved to return to that state we were in before having been born.   Until then, I am going to try to sink into the unconscious depths.

Peace.
Things They Will Never Tell YouArthur Schopenhauer has been the most radical and defiant of all troublemakers.

Gorticide @ Nothing that is so, is so DOT edu

~ Tabak und Kaffee Süchtigen ~

Holden

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Re: as I reconstitute for the fourth time
« Reply #6 on: April 22, 2022, 01:28:35 pm »
Tomorrow I am required to receive a "VIP" at the airport.I received about a thousand calls today threatening me to make sure that the VIP is comfortable.There would even be a spy to ascertain  that I "behave".

I do my best but this undue pressure is sheer torture.
Such circumstances tempt me to look for an exist quicker than starvation.I do not now,my head is all muddled-I have worked for 12 hours straight.



La Tristesse Durera Toujours                                  (The Sadness Lasts Forever ...)
-van Gogh.

Holden

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Re: as I reconstitute for the fourth time
« Reply #7 on: April 22, 2022, 01:54:14 pm »
The man who does away with himself,” Nietzsche writes in The Twilight of the Idols, “performs the most estimable of deeds.”
La Tristesse Durera Toujours                                  (The Sadness Lasts Forever ...)
-van Gogh.

Nation of One

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Re: as I reconstitute for the fourth (6th?) time
« Reply #8 on: April 24, 2022, 09:14:40 am »
Quote from: Holden
Tomorrow I am required to receive a "VIP" at the airport.I received about a thousand calls today threatening me to make sure that the VIP is comfortable.There would even be a spy to ascertain  that I "behave".

I do my best but this undue pressure is sheer torture.
Such circumstances tempt me to look for an exist quicker than starvation.I do not now,my head is all muddled-I have worked for 12 hours straight.


There is a laughter that "accompanies indignation" and that proceeds "from the joy that we have in observing that we cannot be hurt by the evil at which we are indignant."

Indignation is a social emotion consisting of anger and disgust.  Rather than harm your animal body, listen to that anger and disgust.  They cannot harm you, Holden.  They cannot take away your indignation, for that Power is Within.  May you find joy mixed with hatred.

I am continuing to study humor in the Why Take Comedy Seriously thread.
« Last Edit: April 24, 2022, 09:16:20 am by Mike E. Mic :: Hyper-Retarded Nuclear-Bum »
Things They Will Never Tell YouArthur Schopenhauer has been the most radical and defiant of all troublemakers.

Gorticide @ Nothing that is so, is so DOT edu

~ Tabak und Kaffee Süchtigen ~

Holden

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Re: as I reconstitute for the fourth time
« Reply #9 on: April 24, 2022, 11:00:28 pm »
What is that which eternally is, which has no origin? And what is that which arises and passes away, but in truth never is? - Plato
La Tristesse Durera Toujours                                  (The Sadness Lasts Forever ...)
-van Gogh.

Holden

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Re: as I reconstitute for the fourth time
« Reply #10 on: April 25, 2022, 11:54:27 am »
You mentioned the other day that reading Schopenhauer's and Nietzsche's biographies helped you. I'd like to recommend the following:




La Tristesse Durera Toujours                                  (The Sadness Lasts Forever ...)
-van Gogh.

Nation of One

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Re: as I reconstitute for the fourth time
« Reply #11 on: April 25, 2022, 01:12:03 pm »
Thank you, Holden.  Artaud was convinced that Van Gogh's entire society had blood on their hands; that is, that Van Gogh was suicided by society. (condemned to suicide by his contemporaries)

 It is about time I explored that novel.

What I am studying now is helping me strive for equanimity.  I have a temper which others may rile up purposely to get me into confrontations, into trouble with authorities, or simply out of some sadistic pleasure - as though I were an animal in a cage to be poked with a stick and taunted.

I am studying All Too Human: Laughter, Humor, and Comedy in Nineteenth-Century Philosophy

There is mention of Schopenhauer throughout.  The final goal of all human striving as "developing a sense of humor," and with this equanimity.  It is suggested that many of those theorizing about humor in the 19th century, including Schopenhauer, were influenced by The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy, Gentleman.

Schopenhauer called Tristram Shandy one of "the four immortal romances."

I suppose Van Gogh loved "disadvantaged" real women, and looked at women "from his brother's class" as unapproachable.  I get that.

Schopenhauer, on the other hand, may have been able to mingle with high society ladies, but I sense he was too much for them to handle --- and so Art visited women of the night during his trips to Italy.

Presently I am feeling spied upon and gazed at, unremittingly.  Hence, my recent investigation of Living Under the Bell Jar: Surveillance and Resistance in Yevgeny Zamyatin's We and the Panopticon.
« Last Edit: April 25, 2022, 03:18:50 pm by Mike E. Mic :: Hyper-Retarded Nuclear-Bum »
Things They Will Never Tell YouArthur Schopenhauer has been the most radical and defiant of all troublemakers.

Gorticide @ Nothing that is so, is so DOT edu

~ Tabak und Kaffee Süchtigen ~

Holden

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Re: as I reconstitute for the fourth time
« Reply #12 on: April 26, 2022, 01:55:37 pm »
The books you are reading are quite fascinating.
You must not allow the people around you to demoralize you.
There is something very noble in you and the petty people instinctively want to crush it.
I read the article on Lacan.Interesting.At one point of time I wanted to study psychology.With the bnenefit of  hindsight I now can say that what I really wanted to study was Philosophy-it's just so much closer to truth.
La Tristesse Durera Toujours                                  (The Sadness Lasts Forever ...)
-van Gogh.

Nation of One

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Re: as I reconstitute for the 7th time
« Reply #13 on: June 21, 2022, 08:23:19 am »
With my mom sobbing one moment, but yelling abusively at me most of the time I engage in any conversation with her, I am at my wits end, on the verge of weeping at any moment - then laughing hysterically after just a few drinks.

I think I really am having some kind of nervous breakdown.  Just can't hide it anymore.



Things They Will Never Tell YouArthur Schopenhauer has been the most radical and defiant of all troublemakers.

Gorticide @ Nothing that is so, is so DOT edu

~ Tabak und Kaffee Süchtigen ~

Holden

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Re: as I reconstitute for the fourth time
« Reply #14 on: June 21, 2022, 01:38:02 pm »
For Herr Hauser:
La Tristesse Durera Toujours                                  (The Sadness Lasts Forever ...)
-van Gogh.