Author Topic: A Very Slow Reading of Caraco's Book of Chaos  (Read 3155 times)

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Silenus

  • Rebel Monk of Mental Insurrection
  • Posts: 289
Re: A Very Slow Reading of Caraco's Book of Chaos
« Reply #15 on: April 24, 2018, 03:29:24 pm »
It may not sound very "spiritual," but for me, it keeps me humble seeing as I know much more than I used to and I still know so very little.  Life is a real kick in the teeth that way, you know?

The older I get, even as I understand more, I have a better feel for how little I know and how little I will ever really know.

In a sense, I don't mind becoming depressed.  I think that when I am depressed, I am just more in tune with the nature of our lives.  There doesn't seem to be a point.

If you learn to observe your own inner processes, you may begin to notice patterns, and so - if, like me, you become more depressed at night, it won't be a big dramatic ordeal.  I just take that as a given.

I have to agree; nothing of what I was taught or learned myself, outside of the scope of the past some-odd years, has been retained.  Maybe it wasn't significant; maybe we are supposed to be in consistent "zones" of learning the same material, over and over and over again, without really "knowing," or possessing it.

I'm 25 years old and I've had some consolation in knowing that our consciousness isn't the be-all end-all of knowledge, the known, the revealed.  It's a shame we collectively have not come to grips with the idea that our "level" of consciousness is interpretation (mythological, symbolical, dream-like) and nothing more and admitting that we have played god for our entire recorded existence...a dangerous game to play. 

Unfortunately, I still must get up and play the game of work nearly every morning.  This train of thought helps me see the animal in man as the hours wear on...but only occurs on my best days.  I deal mostly with anger, hatred and disappointment towards the majority of my fellow men.  Maybe that's the animal in me.

I too am more prone to depression at night.  I also drink at night; I'm sure it doesn't help, but I'd be lying to you if I said that I didn't enjoy the escape of it.  It's less about pleasure and more about escaping this damned cycle...ah, well.

"And the strict master Death bids them dance."