Author Topic: Matchmaking  (Read 455 times)

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Holden

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Matchmaking
« on: April 10, 2016, 01:35:31 pm »
My relatives are trying to find a "girl" for me. I can give them a piece of my mind.Like Schopenhauer.But that will alienate them-more to the point, I usually don't like using harsh language.So,I have to play it smooth,keep all my wits about me,and be extremely Passive- Aggressive( it works remarkably well in my office).

They don't get me,Mr.H.Of all the people I talk to,no one,NO ONE,gets me except you-my one true friend,guide & philosopher.
You are not BROKEN SPIRIT my friend,you are the HOLY SPIRIT for me...for you are everything I wanna be.To objection to matrimony,more than economic or social ,is metaphysical,

https://youtu.be/dpUIzLMSils

https://youtu.be/U2Whs4cuSBw
« Last Edit: February 03, 2018, 12:57:28 am by Non Serviam »
La Tristesse Durera Toujours                                  (The Sadness Lasts Forever ...)
-van Gogh.

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Creepy Sleepy

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Re: Matchmaking
« Reply #1 on: April 10, 2016, 03:00:44 pm »
If I may present a sort of allegory ...

Imagine there exists a school of fish caught in a net.  They imagine the lone fish outside the net is to be pitied for not being desirable enough to be captured. 

I don't like to be in a position to be interrogated with questions such as, "Do you have a girlfriend?  Where do you work?  Do you own a car?"

It's such a relief that I don't visit any relatives anymore.  I don't like to be seen as some kind of joke, and I just can't tolerate smirks, grins, or snide remarks.  I really have had it.  No more enduring the society of gorts, blood relations or not.

We don't share the same values.  It's not worth the trouble engaging in honest dialogue with a gort.  One of the most liberating things I ever heard myself say out loud is, "I don't want a wife or a boss."

They will use bully tactics to mock you.  It is what it is.  Maybe there is a woman you would be compatible with, but to be "matched up" just to add a dimension of stability to your universe seems like people in your life are prying. 

I found cohabitation with a woman presented an endless array of gut-wrenching battles of the will, and it was no use prolonging the agony.  Some of us are just not wired for matrimony or even long term relationships.  It's just the way it is.  This is another scenario where Nothing that is so, is so.

Do you recall from Toole's [who also committed suicide] A Confederacy of Dunces, how Ignatius Reilly found Marilyn Monroe to be a kind of tragic hero?   One of her best lines was when talking to the press about her divorce from her professional athlete husband.  She said she would rather be alone in solitude than alone in matrimony.

It is better to live (or die) in truth than to live (or die) a lie and a farce.

candle

This is not a men versus women issue, but simply an acknowledgement that nothing is what it seems.  Too many people are more concerned with appearances and illusions of security than with reality. 

Throughout your life, if you find a woman receptive to where you are coming from, then, by all means, explore that ... let her take your hand; but I would advise strongly against matching up with someone just to be in a relationship.

I read once about a male chimpanzee who was caught in a zoo.  The zoo-keepers wanted him to pair bond with a particular female.  He was electricuted trying to climb over the fence to get away from her!   :D

I once pursued a single woman with two daughters.  Their father was in prison for murder.  The woman was constantly complaining about men in her life, and before too long I realized that there is no salvation in "having a girlfriend".   Look at the cultures where wealthy men have harems, where the women are left so unsatisfied that they become each others lesbian partners.  Meanwhile the masses of poor males filled with frustrated desires become suicidal warriors for their imaginary virgin-pimping deity.

I remember when I used to walk around outdoors around an apartment complex I once lived in, some woman would come out of her house threatening me with, "You know, my husband's a cop, so you better watch it!"

I would say, "That's YOUR problem (and HIS)"

Are people who are married or happily employed that deluded that they think that the solitary is to be pitied?  Are they so accustomed to deception that they mistakenly believe that appearances are actually reality?  That is the definition of a gort, right, someone who believes that which is so, is so.  They think perception equals reality.  They think people in romantic relationships are less lonely than loners.  They don't get it.  They're needy.  They don't want you to be comfortable with your reality, but to conform to their expectations.  Then again, maybe they sincerely have your best interests at heart.  Maybe they think a woman's presence in your life will bring you comfort and satisfaction.  They may not foresee that the excitement of the passions can bring about violent emotions ...

To reject marriage and employment as a way of life is too much for the gorts to process.  They must label you with some derogatory term and try to cure you, or they will, most likely, take sadistic pleasure in your tormented loneliness.  When one challenges the Big Lies of society in general, that one "rejectionist" must be prepared to be labeled as a "sick member", a degenerate, a loser, or even just emotionally disturbed.

Someone once told me that "The best revenge is to live well." (The Aborigine of the original Gort Busters)

I like when I hear someone claim that they would have killed themselves by now but they did not want to give those who hated them such satisfaction.   Perhaps more people kill themselves for the reason Van Gogh did.  Not finding an economically prosperous role in society makes them a burden to someone else, and they think they are doing those they depend on a favor by eliminating the problem of being alive.  Or, even if they have economic security, the price may be too high.  Things are not what they seem (appearances) and their inner psychological pain and heartache is too much for them to deal with.  They just want the pain to end.  So, maybe a less romantic, somewhat boring and cerebral existence, one that does not excite the passions too much, is better for those who get shell-shocked easily (sensitives). 

If you have just about had it with life in general, a failed romance could just as easily serve as the final nail in your coffin.

The reason I promote a solitary life is simply because it allows more freedom to get out of the harness.  It is far easier for me to stubbornly resist wage-slavery if I do so as a lone male with no dependents, and no female partner to influence me, no in-laws to offer me "positions" out of sympathy with their daughter/sister, etc.

Is marriage just another business-as-usual affair?

Be graceful about it.  You don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, I know.  Also, you may be soothed by a woman's presence in your life.  Who knows?   Still, remember that electricuted chimpanzee ...   
wake up

There is no easy answer to your dilemma.   Maybe just go with the flow.  Remember Catcher in the Rye.  Try writing about your frustrations.  Remember also that there are female counterparts who are just as cynical about the situation you are facing, although, being male, we can only see things from our perspective. 

“You’ll find that you’re not the first person who was ever confused and frightened and even sickened by human behavior. You’re by no means alone on that score, you’ll be excited and stimulated to know. Many men [and women] have been just as troubled morally and spiritually as you are right now. Happily, some of them kept records of their troubles. You’ll learn from them – if you want to. Just as someday, if you have something to offer, someone will learn something from you. It’s a beautiful reciprocal arrangement. And it isn’t education. It’s history. It’s poetry.” ~ Salinger

 If, for the moment, you prefer to get through the days, weeks, months, years alone, because you feel this is the only way to just be yourself without having to force yourself to smile when you don't feel like smiling, then you can just explain to those pressuring you to hook up with a female companion that you are in the process of "regrouping" or you actually want to explore and develop your own inner life at this time.  Why must people put so much importance on relationships when the most significant things happen on the interior between our ears?
« Last Edit: April 10, 2016, 11:58:46 pm by H »
Things They Will Never Tell YouArthur Schopenhauer has been the most radical and defiant of all troublemakers.

Gorticide @ Nothing that is so, is so DOT edu

~ Tabak und Kaffee Süchtigen ~

Creepy Sleepy

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Matchmaking: Altered States
« Reply #2 on: April 10, 2016, 09:57:51 pm »
I recalled something someone had said about why he wanted a divorce, how it was because he preferred to absorb the pain of living within himself rather than inflict that pain onto someone else.  I don't remember exactly how it is worded.  "Inflicting pain on another that we would inflict on ourselves if we were alone."

Something along those lines. 

It was from the science fiction film, Altered States which I saw in a theater many years ago as a teenager when it first came out.  I used to watch it with potential girlfriends to let them know what they were getting themselves into.

It was a pretty deep thing he said though.  I don't want to blame everything on a woman, and I don't want her blaming me for the general wretchedness of life which neither of us would be able to change.

altered states
« Last Edit: April 10, 2016, 10:18:29 pm by H »
Things They Will Never Tell YouArthur Schopenhauer has been the most radical and defiant of all troublemakers.

Gorticide @ Nothing that is so, is so DOT edu

~ Tabak und Kaffee Süchtigen ~

Holden

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Re: Matchmaking
« Reply #3 on: April 11, 2016, 11:07:23 pm »
Thanks for your response.And thanks for the movie.I am not much into hating women myself.I just don't wanna have anything to do with them.
Thanks again for your thoughts.
La Tristesse Durera Toujours                                  (The Sadness Lasts Forever ...)
-van Gogh.