Holden,
Thank you for sharing this short horror story. Indeed it is a horror story. Nothing new. One cannot remove oneself from birth. Life is horror as you have said many times.
First of all I donīt think you are a little tortoise that crawls and crawls. I am not the person to tell you how to react in self-defense. But a tree is a weapon, a pen is a knife, a chair is a shield and you can smash
someoneīs head with a printer. It is not advisable to understimate you reaction.
Stay safe.