Herr Holden,
Thank you for your words. I am not the right person to write. I appreciate all the things you have written and still you are writing. I have felt suicidal many times and filled with sadness and bitterness too. I saw myself hanging from the roof many times, or crossing the street in front of the buses or cars whose drivers here drive recklessly. Many in the city killed themselves by crossing the streets looking for the end. But I suppose the will to life is still strong in me and thatīs the reason I still continue my existence in this world. There are days where everything tastes ashes.
You write about salvation and suicide. The world salvation reminds me of the priests and pastors who preach that Jesus died on the cross for our sins, for mankind to attain salvation in the eyes of the Father. Suicide is a forbidden word.
Reading this blog, your words and Hentrichīs are important. Here in Paraguay many end their lives but the media, I mean, TV does not report them except the radio stations and newspaper but few lines. It is very uncomfortable for most people to understand tragedy. We are filled with distraction or tranquilizers. Someone told me that our consciousness continues after death. I am not sure but it is called eternalism, a part of what they call philosophy of time.
Yes, to exist no more is beautiful. I think about that most of the time and like any other human being I am also afraid. I am afraid of life and death at the same time. Especially when I see my father suffering from diabetes and Parkinsonīs Disease. Also I see some elderly people in the streets very early in the morning collecting beer cans or plastic from the garbage in order to sell them to the recycling company and survive another day. There are people who tell me that I should try to stay healthy but I do not pay attention to them. I am tired of all this.
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