{∅, {∅}, {∅, {∅}}} : Rage Against the Meat Grinder

I use https://www.startpage.com/ as my Home page and do all my searching from there.

I have nothing to hide from the All Seeing Eye and no inclination to be "known" on any Facebook or other such media.

I mainly use the Internet for tracking down technical information.

I communicate with only a few people and hardly ever talk on the telephone.

Unfortunately, just being an unemployed 51 year old male loner makes me suspect.   I must fit some kind of profile, but that does not concern me.  As long as I can remain enthusiastic about studying math, programming, and a little philosophy, no matter what kind of picture the authorities like to paint of the unsociable loner, I think I am far better off (mentally, emotionally, psychologically) engrossed in these solitary intellectual activities than I would be were I employed on some team designing "apps" for people's telephones, televisions, and automobiles.   Not all of us want to be on a team.  Not all of us "play well with others."

It is best to keep to oneself and not become involved with too many "others".  It's good that a few of us loners can exchange ideas here.  I think this is a unique opportunity that would not be easily reproduced.  Fortunately we do not attract any trolls or antagonists, and we each treat each other with a certain degree of respect.

Even though Holden and I both share an interest in mathematics and philosophy, we both seem to have a strong sense of just how personal (and maybe even private) such disciplines actually are. 

We may come off as bitter or frustrated, and for this the spooks might categorize us as "antisocial," leaning strongly in the direction of "anti-capitalistic," non-patriotic, etc.,

I consider myself rather harmless; and yet, often when I would become inebriated, the words which would spew from my mouth would be vile and offensive, perhaps bordering on "terroristic threats" when in the midst of a psychotic episode; which is why, of course, I now abstain from imbibing alcohol.  The ability to access books and notebooks and pencils and food and coffee and tobacco is too precious to risk by indulging in alcoholic oblivion and temporary euphoria.

Also, it is crucial for my conscience at this time to assist my mother as she ages.  Even though I don't believe there is such a thing as a soul, it's good for my soul to do this, meaning, it is good for my conscience.   I am doing what I can, something most with careers and/or families of their own would not be able to do.

So, there are some benefits for an aging mother to have a son who has not been brainwashed into living the "normal life" of marriages, relationships, and jobs.

The bottom line is that I am not afraid of the spooks as I know I am no kind of threat to anyone.

The only way I might end up in serious trouble would be if I were ever employed as some kind of "teacher," even if it were math-oriented.  You see, I am just the kind of man who would be targeted for crucifiction, even if it were over wanting to spend more time on more advanced trigonometry and delay the dive into Calculus.   I would promote something called "Algebra 3" to explore topics maybe considered "advanced" or "impractical and useless" - or even talk about extending the length of high school an extra couple of years, rather than chattling the kids into the workforce, jails, or the army.   College is too expensive and could be postponed for quite a few years.  The whole fuucking system sets the kids up for the psychiatric ward!  And those of us who point this out are condemned as "mentally ill" ourselves.  But what has made us so?

Ah, do you see why I prefer to study in solitude?   The only kinds of jobs I would be hired to do are menial labor ... maintenance and janitorial, somewhere away from the "public".

The Masters do not want me talking to the kids.

I would be set up.   Someone would set me up to get in trouble.

And so I hide ... for my own good, I hide from the ignorant mob, the brainwashed herds and their unfortante children. There is nothing I can offer them, nothing I can teach those who know so much.  After all, they can "google their smart phones" ...