Author Topic: Painful Laughter  (Read 1059 times)

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Holden

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Painful Laughter
« on: September 01, 2019, 08:17:09 pm »
When I laugh my anguished laugh  my chest pains a great deal,I almost double over,it's been happening for a few months now.I looked it up over the internet and it says it could be many things.It could be lung cancer too.I hope to God that's what it is.I never see doctors for anything.Why prolong the misery?Anyway I don't like them.They make me feel uncomfortable and they always patronize,the bastards.
I feel like weeping all the time and my attention span is shot.

So, that's the plan.Never go to a doctor and just rot away.
I am thinking about all the people who once were alive but are now no longer..
I am terrified of even falling asleep for I would get nightmares ,like I do every single night.
La Tristesse Durera Toujours                                  (The Sadness Lasts Forever ...)
-van Gogh.

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Holden

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Re: Painful Laughter
« Reply #1 on: September 01, 2019, 08:33:55 pm »
The healthy are not real. They have everything except being — which is uniquely conferred by uncertain health.
Cioran
La Tristesse Durera Toujours                                  (The Sadness Lasts Forever ...)
-van Gogh.

Nation of One

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Re: Painful Laughter
« Reply #2 on: September 02, 2019, 12:26:49 am »
Quote from: Holden
I never see doctors for anything.Why prolong the misery?Anyway I don't like them.They make me feel uncomfortable and they always patronize,the bastards.
I feel like weeping all the time and my attention span is shot.

So, that's the plan.Never go to a doctor and just rot away.
I am thinking about all the people who once were alive but are now no longer..
I am terrified of even falling asleep for I would get nightmares ,like I do every single night.

I like your attitude, Holden.  You sound a little like Celine (Louis-Ferdinand).  I have a small collection of his books tucked away right behind Schopenhauer and Cioran, back top shelf, all the way to the right.    The shelves were overtaken by technical (mathematics, computing, physics, etc) tomes.   Once I panicked, forgetting that this is where I decided to store them, safely behind "the Masters" ...  ;)    Celine was bold and often offensive.   I think he may also have been a doctor!   And yet, he was the kind of doctor who only had impoverished patients, so he hardly ever got paid.

It was not the high school I went to nor anyone at Rutgers University who suggested Celine to me.   It was someone from the old whywork.org forums.   He suggested Journey to the End of the Night.

I agree about not wanting to see doctors.   I have an appointment later this month and must get more blood work before the visit.   I don't see what the point is.   The doctor keeps suggesting I get all these tests done ... why bother?   ;D

Simon:  "It hurts to breathe."

Henry:  "Of course it does."



Once in the county jail I had a very cool cellmate, a "Native Mexican who identified more with Los Indios."   That is, his parents and grandparents had languages other than Spanish and English (languages of colonizers).   We had many interesting discussions!   

He nick-named me "Henry" (for Hen-trich).

Try not to laugh so much, Holden.   ;)

If you allow yourself to think whatever you wish, you may find some of your thoughts can be real knee-slappers.
« Last Edit: September 02, 2019, 09:47:07 am by Gorticide »
Things They Will Never Tell YouArthur Schopenhauer has been the most radical and defiant of all troublemakers.

Gorticide @ Nothing that is so, is so DOT edu

~ Tabak und Kaffee Süchtigen ~

Nation of One

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Re: Painful Laughter
« Reply #3 on: September 04, 2019, 08:11:56 am »
Joyous Horror

Along with the Water came the Blood
Not to mention plagues and floods

The Earth grounds us
Egomaniacal and grotesquely introspective,
Self-obsessed Will to do-what-I-want-to-do

Food, Water, nourishment and care
For the Animal Body, I
Delicate fabric of narratives
Projected as "the World,"
"The Cosmos ?"

How many Dimensions?
How many?
5 or 6 say You? -
Wise Ape?
And what of "the world" outside the radar
of our sensory apparatus?

Is there an Ethics which promotes Wonderment?
Enchantment has been sucked dry by
Psychologisms ... now wedded with Medicine
To ensure the Psychiatric Dictatorship

Is there joy, Wise Ape, in calling out the Ego?  [is this "thinking against oneself?"]
Isn't it best to let the Delicate Ego rest?
Priests bring Peace to the Masses
Why Peace?
Why do aging mothers insist
Their sons "think positive"?

Why mother?
It is not my responsibility to
Justify your nonreflective birthing
of Me

Might the True Self not relish
the thought of the Floods and Hurricanes?
From a distance ... a great distance
How can I cry for another's hunger?

Those who survive floods and hurricanes,
I think theymight experience some kind of
Mystical Awarening = Deep Sense of Humor

To see the wealthy arrogant pricks,
The mean-spirited, nasty Mall-Rats
Hordes of Religious Devotees
Crashing their gort-mobiles
Trapped in over-filling parking lots

To see it all wrecked
By the Old Gods
It's fuUcking HILARIoUS !

Code Pink? Code Red?
They're dead, I'm fed
Skeleton limping about
Walking in a Sacred Manner

I am in awe of this wonderous horror
We animal mind-bodies are trapped in

All my scribbled math notes
The trail left by a Devoted Disciple of the Weird
Could be destroyed naturally
By Fire or Water
The stomach knows that it is
A few weeks away from starvation
At all times: THE PRESENT

We are only a few hours from discomfort anxiety
If certain needs are NOT met
Most of us become severely unpleasant and
Miserable

Are we not quite simply a swarm of
Pathetic, pitiable, vain apes?

May we find our food, water, and shelter,
Yes, But
May we find solace in the thought
of our species being wiped out ---
or, at the very least,
Reduced in great proportions

When the Apocalypse arrives
Will there be Intellectual Sanctuaries,
Make-Shift Monasteries  for
The Preservation of Intellectual Culture?

Solar Power?
No irrigation technology?
No running electricity grids nor telephone wires?

You have Internet connection
to GitHub?

No? You got Running Water?
Suddenly, the code, while still sexy
Becomes evil in its icy indifference
To the polluted Oceans.

Do you hear the petty conversations
Many of these gorts engage in?
Do you hear the braggarts?
Do you witness the Head Baboons in Charge?
« Last Edit: September 05, 2019, 03:29:49 pm by Gorticide »
Things They Will Never Tell YouArthur Schopenhauer has been the most radical and defiant of all troublemakers.

Gorticide @ Nothing that is so, is so DOT edu

~ Tabak und Kaffee Süchtigen ~

Holden

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Re: Painful Laughter
« Reply #4 on: September 05, 2019, 10:15:06 am »
Herr Kaspar,
Everyday in the subway ,on my way to work, I read Cioran.Cioran on Maistre,the philosopher of Counter-Enlightenment. Got to say its pretty interesting. I am comprehending what Cioran is trying to say.
I changed my staple food from wheat to brown rice and the abdominal pain almost disappeared.I wonder where Senor Raul is these days its not like him to not post anything here for such a long time.
La Tristesse Durera Toujours                                  (The Sadness Lasts Forever ...)
-van Gogh.

Holden

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Re: Painful Laughter
« Reply #5 on: September 05, 2019, 10:17:48 am »
Two days back I wrote a post for this thread but lost it as I got distracted with the pictures of some pretty women. That's the gospel truth,right? Getting distracted my pretty women.You are so honest. I wish I could become half as honest and as sharp as you are. I saw the poetry you have written. I wanna read it a couple of times before I comment on it.
La Tristesse Durera Toujours                                  (The Sadness Lasts Forever ...)
-van Gogh.

Holden

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Re: Painful Laughter
« Reply #6 on: September 05, 2019, 10:21:52 am »
You know, the thing is ,this planet we are on, its really weird. When you were with that software related company for a short while did you not feel that all your colleagues wanted the worst for you? I feel that everyday. I want to tell you that I can keep my head together only so long as I am alone. The moment another intrudes my personal space or I am forced to approach someone I got batShit crazy.


La Tristesse Durera Toujours                                  (The Sadness Lasts Forever ...)
-van Gogh.

Nation of One

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Re: Painful Laughter
« Reply #7 on: September 05, 2019, 02:39:05 pm »
Quote from: Holden
When you were with that software related company for a short while did you not feel that all your colleagues wanted the worst for you?

I was never any company's code-monkey, I'm afraid.  No - I would dread interviews and so I "went to pot," figuring that a decade as a park maintenance worker, where I was granted a great physical perimeter to roam, granted a high degree of liberty as to how I would order my "tasks," prioritizing the queue according to a somewhat complicated rank-system.   All in all, my immediate supervisor, and often, ultimately, myself, would be the one to make the split-second call, or even the entire schedule for the day or week.

I might not handle a highly structured office environment well.  No, in fact, I know I wouldn't.  I would talk to myself and play the fool.   :-[

Don't take the "poetry" too seriously.

I can't spell POeTry with p-o-t ... I wonder sometimes.

I'm glad you are disecting Cioran.  Anti-philosophy?  Maybe so.

He gives good suggestions.

I reflect upon my corpse each morning upon regaining consciousness as per Soul Doctor Cioran.
Things They Will Never Tell YouArthur Schopenhauer has been the most radical and defiant of all troublemakers.

Gorticide @ Nothing that is so, is so DOT edu

~ Tabak und Kaffee Süchtigen ~