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Author Topic: Laziness and Apathy  (Read 1003 times)

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Mad Dog Mike

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Laziness and Apathy
« on: August 11, 2015, 09:39:13 pm »
Sometimes I tire of turning on a computer.  Just because I invested in a machine does not mean I must use it constantly.  Now I have so many books to look into, I sometimes lose enthusiasm.  Enthusiasm and gumption are crucial.  I recall Cioran writing somewhere that some days the best one can do is lay down and groan.

Today I did not even feel like eating and I had lost interest in everything I had been investigating.  I guess I faced the abyss.  All I was able to do is stare into space.

The thing about these moods is that I do not fight them.  I can imagine how one feels who has lost the will to fight.  There is a definite nausea and weakness in the legs.

In times like that I try to write about my disinterest, and I realize that it is best to write for ourselves.  We don't have colleagues.

Sometimes all we can do is nothing.
« Last Edit: December 01, 2025, 12:19:04 pm by Mad Dog Mike »
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Things They Will Never Tell You:  Arthur Schopenhauer has been the most radical and defiant of all troublemakers.

Gorticide @ Nothing that is so, is so DOT edu

~ Tabak und Kaffee Süchtigen ~

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Mad Dog Mike

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  • Life teaches us not to want it.
    • What Now?
Disinterest and Disgust
« Reply #1 on: December 01, 2025, 03:40:38 am »
I have tried to reawaken an interest in Mathematics.   It is slow going.
I may just go through continued fractions

There is something about my day to day existence that is not conducive to study.  I can not sit patiently listening to NJ Wildberger when my heart is twisted up, agonizing about how I lost my mother to the State.   I am ashamed that I allowed this to happen.  I could not stop it.  There was a conspiracy against me, and the fckers were all on it.   I will be unable to forgive my mother's siblings for the role they played in OUR demise.

I suppose it is only natural to see how uneventful my life has been, and how so much was done in vain.

At least, if some of my programs can help me regain interest in mathematics, I might be able to detach from the personal pain and anguish I experience in my relationship to other human beings.

Philosophy is my true passion.   Mathematics is secondary.

When I try to sleep, my mind tells me how much it hates this world and how it longs to be nothing.

But when I allowed a quiet part deep inside my nervous system to "play around" with the "digital computing command-line programs" I created, comparing results to those functions created by the digital-programming mathematicians who built sage, particularly the continued_fraction function, maybe bursts of dopamine got released ...  8)

Who needs their GUI "apps" ! ? !
« Last Edit: December 01, 2025, 05:25:09 pm by Mad Dog Mike »
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Things They Will Never Tell You:  Arthur Schopenhauer has been the most radical and defiant of all troublemakers.

Gorticide @ Nothing that is so, is so DOT edu

~ Tabak und Kaffee Süchtigen ~
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