Author Topic: A Question for Herr Hauser and Senor Raul  (Read 176338 times)

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Holden

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Gnosticism (To Don Raul)
« Reply #1020 on: December 06, 2021, 11:43:33 am »
Don Raul,

Thank you for your response.In the office today,while I was despondent, I began to think of Gnosticism and my thoughts then drifted to your views on Gnosticism.

I wondered if a man thought deeply, honestly and truthfully enough about existence, then maybe, like a arrow that thought would pierce his heart and leave him dead.

Did they not say that an ancient philosopher once killed himself by voluntarily holding his breath.
Why is it that one feels like dying? Maybe because he find the world overwhelming. Too many people want him dead. They do not like him because he just wants to do his work and then go home. He refuses to gossip.Sometimes I wonder if I were left alone on an island without any food or water, would I embrace the angel of death who would surely visit me soon or would I look for provisions.

The thing is, when I am alone, I feel much better than when I am required to interact with people.
It should not be so difficult to die.If a woman does not feel like having a baby she can get it aborted easily without much pain in the West and over here too.Why not extend the same benefit to people who are over eighteen?

I mean, if an adult says that for some reason he does not want to continue with his life and would like to say au revoir,then he should be in a position to access affordable medical facility which would let be leave this valley of tears.

Maybe in the future. But by the time it would happen it might be too late for me. Is it feasible to save enough money and then visit an organisation like this:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dignitas_(Swiss_non-profit_organisation)

What if they decline to take one in ? Women can tell to the doctor that having the baby they are carrying would have negative psychological impact on them and the doctor agrees to abort the kid.Could I not say something similar and seek euthanasia?

Even if I saved enough money would I be able to get a Swiss visa to check into Dignitas. I do not know. It all looks cumbersome to me.

I wish there were a Dignitas right here in this country but that is too much to ask for ,I guess.

If one makes an unscientific attempt then there is always the possibility that one gets handicapped but survives and the quality of life dwindles.

Well, take care and please do keep writing.

For you:

https://youtu.be/xUWDbghU0kI
« Last Edit: December 06, 2021, 11:45:10 am by Holden »
La Tristesse Durera Toujours                                  (The Sadness Lasts Forever ...)
-van Gogh.

raul

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Re: A Question for Herr Hauser and Senor Raul
« Reply #1021 on: December 07, 2021, 05:13:10 am »
Holden,

Thank you for your words and the video. I hope you have some calm days. You are going through a lot of very bitter situations both at work and at home. You are also suffering a serious disease like TB.

It is bitter to say that this kind of diseases is like executioners performing coup d´grace. They are killing you slowly but steady.

As I told you I am just a scribbler in the board. Gnosticism is a very deep subject.

You wonder if a man thinks deeply, honestly and truthfully enough about existence, then maybe, like an arrow that thought will pierce his heart and leave him dead. Few people like you think deeply and truthfully about existence.

Most people avoid thinking about existential or philosophical issues. They complicate life a little too much. Their ideas about the world and life had been fixed a long time ago and they won´t challenge them anymore.

In their view this is the best world they could have been born into. They might even say that they would like to be born in this planet again.

You can´t say that life is macabre or that life is a mistake to most people. They won´t understand. They will say that you are mad. That is the problem with lucidity. You are like those patients who have recovered from a comatose situation and have come back to life. Do you think life will be the same once you have awakened?

Yes, I have heard of Dignitas. You wrote about it some time ago too. It reminds me of Dr. Jack Kevorkian (1928-1911), a U.S. doctor who spent eight years in jail for helping people with terminal illnesses with the thanatron, a special machine of his own invention. “Dying is not a crime”, Dr.Kevorkian said.

The medical establishment never accepts competition.

Even if I had the money to go to Switzerland, to have an assisted suicide in Dignitas, why would I go that far? Here the cheapest thing for me to buy would be a rope or get the C-19 jab.

Take care.

Holden

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Mirage ( To Don Raul)
« Reply #1022 on: December 07, 2021, 12:48:18 pm »
Don Raul,
Thank you for the response.Much appreciated. Sometimes the “unreality” of all of existence and especially, that of my own, hit me hard. Today was one such day.

The world puffs itself up when one is driven by desire and it fades into insignificance when one embraces renunciation.The walls of my room and the bones of my body ,both, would wither away in time. Every Tom,Dick and Harry now puts up his photographs on the social media.In one photo  he is drinking coffee and making a funny face, in another he is cuddling  his cat.

I am sorry but all this tomfoolery makes no sense to me. Every girl these days has an “Only Fans Page”. Every one of them is supposedly a celebrity.

I would very much like to die all alone and would love to be forgotten that very day.While I cannot speak for others, for me, life has been nothing more than a terrible nightmare. The sooner forgotten, the better.

Maybe we are like a clock. Once its battery runs out. It is just there but it does not tell us the accurate time.Its essence is gone. Gone where? You might ask.

I do not know much about reincarnation.Though as you know quite well it is a rather popular idea in Hinduism. But I think , and it is my best guess, (but after all just a guess )death is much like the state of dreamless sleep. Once the neurons stop firing, the sense of self disappears ,along with all of memories,both good and bad and in the end, one disappears into non-being,

However, there might be a bigger mystery here than mere personal death. I mean that of the “Source” which keeps vomiting out sentient creatures.
What would stop it from vomiting out another “Holden”? Maybe that very idea of trying to put a stop to it is akin to barking up the wrong tree.

Well, take care, and keep dodging the jab, if you find it suspect.
La Tristesse Durera Toujours                                  (The Sadness Lasts Forever ...)
-van Gogh.

Holden

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Re: A Question for Herr Hauser and Senor Raul
« Reply #1023 on: December 08, 2021, 12:24:40 pm »
The sense of unreality is all around me. What I mean is that I more than appreciate the transitory nature of things around me, above all, that of my own body, of my being.
Maybe one of the reasons mathematics is attractive to me is because, when one enters its realm, one talks about things which are changeless. They remain the same. I get to study the same things that were once studied by Euclid, by Plato.

Where is Euclid’s body? Did they bury it? Most probably they cremated it, because there are more than superficial similarities between ancient Greek polytheism and Hinduism. Whatever might have become of it-”Elements” still exists.
Elements is forever.

I can also see why so many of the philosophers before the second half of the 20th century were deeply imbued in mathematics. Unlike Schopenhauer I have never studied and would probably never study in a great university.

But that is not something that discourages me. I am like a Lovecraftian protagonist who does not want to get confined by  a curriculum. His interests are not shared by many. He must,of necessity, walk alone.

P.S.:If you liked the article about the orthodox priest who baptised a lady in bikini, you might like to check this one out too:
From:NYPOST

Kinky Orthodox priest brought down by ‘cake ****’ sex tape
By Isabel Vincent and Melissa Klein
October 4, 2015 6:00am


Father George Passias and Edith Bouzalas leaving St. Spyridon Greek Orthodox Church in 2013.
JC Rice
A high-ranking Greek Orthodox priest starred in kinky sex tapes with his much-younger parish-school principal and was forced to resign after the affair — which he’d denied for years — was confirmed by church elders.

Father George Passias, the married, 67-year-old pastor of St. Spyridon Church in Washington Heights, even impregnated his married lover, 45-year-old Ethel Bouzalas, according to sources.

Passias was once the chancellor of the Greek Orthodox Archdiocese of America, in charge of all of the religion’s US priests.

An adherent to a fundamentalist faction of Greek Orthodoxy led by a controversial cleric in Arizona, he took the helm of St. Spyridon nine years ago — and immediately ordered female worshippers to cover their heads during confession.

But there was no such nod to modesty in the shocking sex videos viewed by The Post.

Priest's 'cake sitting' **** fetish
Play Video
Cake-crush ****
In one scene, the bearded cleric, wearing only a white T-shirt, watches his long-haired brunette lover plant her thong-clad bottom on a piece of banana bread wrapped in cellophane.


Father George Passias watches as Ethel Bouzalas crushes a baked good as part of a fetish act.
Bouzalas, wearing stiletto heels, oddly wiggles on the loaf until it is flattened — apparently a fetish known as “cake crush” or “cake sitting.”


A screenshot from their personal **** video.
In another video clip, the pretty Peruvian rubs her feet on the priest’s face as they lie under a mirrored ceiling and she records his ecstasy at the encounter. In another tape, the priest performs oral sex on his lover while she is still clad in sheer pantyhose.

The videos and photos of the pair were provided anonymously to The Post last week with a letter saying they were downloaded off a computer in Passias’ church office. The sender wrote that a private investigator had been hired to tail the couple to their rendezvous in motels in New Jersey and upstate Cold Spring.

The scandal blew up in early September when Tom Bouzalas, Ethel Bouzalas’ husband, emailed Bishop Andonios Paropoulos, the chancellor of the Greek Orthodox church in the United States, and disclosed the affair, the bishop told The Post.

The bishop, known in the church by his first name, said that both Passias and Ethel Bouzalas then came to see him and that Passias was suspended on Sept. 16 “as per the sexual-misconduct policy of the archdiocese.”

Andonios said he had not seen the sex tapes but “learned of their existence during our meetings with both parties.”

After a weeks-long absence from the pulpit, Passias told his St. Spyridon flock in an email last week that he was leaving for “personal and health reasons,” and confessed to “multitudinous sins and shortcomings.”

“I will now fade out of this world for a considerable time according to God’s will,” he wrote. “He has chosen for me . . . that I should retire and follow the way of silence, prayer, fasting, and ­utter devotion to our Lord.

“Please do not ask where I am going and where I will be. Then it would not be possible for me to fulfill what is my lot.”

But Passias, who lives in Flushing, Queens, is not in an isolated monastery self-flagellating. Instead, he went to his daughter’s home in Chicago, a church official said. Messages left there were not returned.

He asked his parishioners to pray for him and his wife. He has four grown children. Bouzalas, who lives in Brooklyn, has three kids.

The Post in 2013 broke the story about the unorthodox relationship between Passias and Bouzalas and alleged fiscal wrongdoing at the church, which has nearly 200 families and was established in 1931 when the neighborhood was a Greek stronghold.

When Passias took the helm of the Wadsworth Avenue church in 2006, Bouzalas came with him as his assistant. He called her his “spiritual goddaughter,” and they arrived and left together every day. A church handyman said he once saw her sitting on the priest’s lap.

Baptized in a bikini
Bouzalas told parishioners that she converted to the Greek Orthodox faith and that Passias baptized her while she wore a bikini. The conversion apparently came before she was to marry her husband, a follower of the faith.

Greek Orthodoxy has 24 million followers worldwide. The seat of the Christian church is in Istanbul, Turkey, presided over by the Ecumenical Patriarch of Constantinople. Priests can only be men but are allowed to marry.


Father George Passias and Ethel Bouzalas
With his flowing black robes and oversized cross around his neck, Passias cut an imposing and authoritative figure. Bouzalas, meanwhile, favored short skirts and high heels.

Bouzalas, who had no education credentials, was soon promoted to be the volunteer principal of the St. Spyridon Parochial School, which serves kindergarten to eighth grade and has a taxpayer-funded pre-kindergarten program. She also became church treasurer and a signatory on bank accounts.

In addition to imposing the conservative rules, Passias ruffled longtime congregants who said he removed controls over church spending and questioned why money was being poured into repairs at the school.

Management of four church-owned apartment buildings was given over to a company tied to Alma Bank, which also provided cash and mortgage refinancing. Renovations of the buildings was then done by two firms tied to principals at Alma Bank.

In 2013, Passias told The Post the allegations were cooked up by a group of “evil-minded people” — parishioners who wanted him gone.

“They have been saying I’m having a private affair with her,” he said. “She is a goddaughter to me. That’s it.”

Steve Papadatos, the Parish Council president, at the time called the allegations against Passias “lies,” then blasted The Post for publishing a story that he said was “replete with slander” and innuendo. He called the church “eternally grateful” to the priest and Bouzalas, according to The National Herald, a newspaper that covers the Greek community.

Papadatos last week said that he wouldn’t comment on the scandal, but that he stood by Passias and Bouzalas and wanted people to pray for them.

The bishop said that the misconduct was brought before a “Spiritual Court of the First Degree” last week and that a council of church leaders — including the head of Greek Orthodoxy in the United States — will review the findings. Any punishment, including possible defrocking, will be decided in Istanbul.

Re-examination
Asked why the church had ignored the longtime allegations of the affair, the bishop said, “Lacking any concrete evidence of an affair, there was no responsible way the church could take any further action.”

He said an audit a few years ago found no misuse of funds, but another investigation would take place “to assure that ­between that time and now, nothing has changed.”

Bouzalas packed up her school office last week. A moving van carted off a desk, filing cabinet, table and shopping bags with her belongings. A new principal has been assigned to the school.

Her husband refused to comment on the affair or the pregnancy but said the couple was still together. He confirmed he knew of the sex tapes.

Passias, in his farewell note to parishioners, said he was following the direction of “my spiritual father Geronda Ephraim.” Ephraim presides over St. Anthony’s Greek Orthodox monastery in Florence, Ariz. The family of a young man who lived there and committed suicide in 2012 contends the death was the result of “six years of physical and psychological abuse” at the monastery.

Code: [Select]
<a href="https://nypost.com/2015/10/04/kinky-orthodox-priest-brought-down-by-cake-****-sex-tape/" target="_blank" title="Baptism in Bikini" alt="Baptism in Bikini">Baptism in Bikini</a>
« Last Edit: December 08, 2021, 12:35:45 pm by Holden »
La Tristesse Durera Toujours                                  (The Sadness Lasts Forever ...)
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raul

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Re: A Question for Herr Hauser and Senor Raul
« Reply #1024 on: December 08, 2021, 03:03:21 pm »
Holden,

Thank you for the response.

You think too much. Just do as everyone does.

Get up, eat, drink, think little, ffuck, sleep, watch TV and read only the main stream media, work because if you do not work you will not eat, remember that you are just only a human resource, obey the state at all times because the state shall set you free, stay silent, get married, conform, reproduce,grow old, avoid awakening,  grow weak, and then die. ;D

Indeed as you say life has been nothing more than a terrible nightmare. You have often said we are in the wheels of Samsara, the wheels of pain.

I think we will all die alone and we will be forgotten very quickly. I won´t miss this world anyway. But the Source, using your words, may vomit thousands of Holdens or Rauls again to be crushed in this infernal world.

Well, I suppose many want to be celebrities one way or another. Most of us want to have our 10 minute-fame. Many kill just to become famous.

You too could put a photograph of yourself on the social media making a funny face but wearing a black hat with a black shirt and wearing a black mask holding a picture of a smiling skull with your right hand. ;D

Stay safe.

Holden

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Glitch in the Matrix ( To Don Raul)
« Reply #1025 on: December 09, 2021, 12:55:17 pm »
Don Raul,

Thanks for your message. There are a lot of stray dogs around here and they bark and fight all night long.Whenever I have the misfortune of going outdoors, they stare at me , and I am quite sure, if given the slightest opportunity they would love to bite off a chuck of flesh from my body.

Maybe if everyone stopped talking unnecessarily and everyone stayed in a separate sound-proof room, the over all crime rate would nose-dive. But I guess it is just unrealistic.
Most people cannot bear to remain alone. They would rather be someone and keep fighting, than stay all alone.
I wonder when you go to bed at night, do you dream often. I think I dream quite often, and, more often than not, the dreams are scary.
What do I see when I have these bad dreams? Some kind of gangsters looking for me, sometimes, some kind of demons. I was always trying to hide. Trying to outwit them.

Hollywood and Bollywood come up with some many movies with the theme of romantic love. But romantic love is the most accursed thing on this filthy planet. I guess anything that is truly grim and noir does not sell.Well, that is because they have an element of truth in them. And most people are allergic to truth. They do not like its taste. They refuse the bitter medicine and gladly gulp down the sweet poison.

What do you think of this whole abortion business? I mean, do you think it’s all right for women to get rid of fetuses whenever they feel like it or not.
What’s the most popular vegetarian snack in Paraguay, I wonder.
I have been on this rock for more than three decades now and I still find it hard to get used to it. I have no recollections about the “place” I was “in”, before, I started this misadventure. But I am quite sure “the void” is about a million times better.

Maybe dying won’t be so bad after all. The body would get weaker and weaker and would just never recover its strength again.

Take care.
La Tristesse Durera Toujours                                  (The Sadness Lasts Forever ...)
-van Gogh.

raul

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Re: A Question for Herr Hauser and Senor Raul
« Reply #1026 on: December 11, 2021, 05:21:02 am »
Holden,

Thanks again for your words and the Ugandan comedy gold link. It is very funny. 

I hope you avoid the stray dogs the best you can. Also avoid the monsters called bosses. You are having very tough days. Life has given and will still give you hell.

Well, I dream nightmares sometimes. I wake up and feel intense panic. But life is a nightmare really.

On the issue of the jab, I read in extra.com.py, a digital newspaper that in some secondary schools the students in their graduation will get their certificates but will not shake the teachers´ hands. Also the Paraguayan health authorities are placing vaccination sites in supermarkets. Many supermarkets are going to give food kits to those who are willing to get the jab. Since the economic situation is really bad many people are going to accept the jab for one kilo of flour. Three years ago I got the flu jab and I did not get any cookies.

You expect too much of people. I say this because you are of a different breed, so to speak. You can endure loneliness but millions of people can´t do or won´t do that. As you say most people are allergic to the bitter truth. While you see millions remain blind. Why open their eyes wide shut?

Romantic love sells in this world. That is the reason Hollywood and Bollywood exist. The soap operas sell that ccrap called love in a world where life is worthless.

I read also in extra.com.py that a sick baby was abandoned by her mother in the Institute of Social Welfare (IPS,in Spanish) in this capital city. The baby was born with severe health issues and for that reason she cannot take care of the baby. The baby was taken to a foster home.

My suffering will cease when either death comes to me unexpectedly, for example, in an accident or a heart attack or I decide to exit this world on my own accord. The third situation will be if a meteorite hits the Earth-remember Apophis in 2029- and the only inhabitant left in this planet happens to be me.

On the issue of abortion I think it is women who must decide. Here the law only accepts therapeutic abortion when the mother´s life is in danger.

I really don´t know what is the most popular vegetarian snack. I am not a vegetarian or vegan. There are vegetarian snack bars or restaurants.

Stay alert.

Holden

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Doomed (To Don Raul)
« Reply #1027 on: December 11, 2021, 12:29:29 pm »
Don Raul,

Thanks for your message. I wish I die soon so that I could get rid of all the turmoil that keeps surrounding me. I just cannot bear to be among people. My soul yearns for solitude,eternal solitude all the time. The people here, most of them, are obese. They live to eat.

I have read Tolstoy a lot and he writes some pretty things. But then he gets lost in mysticism. He made a lot of babies while being lost in mysticism. I think 2022 might have a lot of misfortune in store for me. I hope I do not stick around to come face to face with it.

As you have said to me a number of times,while I am still alive I do not see how the misery that dwells in my breast could come to an end.

I did not eat anything today just water and I feel better than I do on the days I am stuffing food in my face.
If a man could look at the world, truly look at its core, then, I do not know how he could bear to go on with his life .Well,maybe the instinct drives him on,but for how long ,and how far?

I hate open style offices. You know the ones where there are no opaque partitions and everyone is everyone’s jailer? If I must work, and if I must go to the office, then I’d rather go to a place wherein I could see no one and no one could see me. Then, it just might be a bit bearable.

I have come to the realisation that this world that we see with our naked eyes is indeed nothing more a mirage, a painful mirage, to be sure. But this realisation has brought me a quantum of consolation.

People never mind there own business over here. They are so nosy. I have had it with them.
For you:
https://theprint.in/india/many-more-people-commit-suicide-due-to-bad-marriage-than-divorce-ncrb-data-shows/765923/

Well, I can see why they would want to off themselves.When I am alone ,I experience moments of clarity. A married man has no clarity. Not one bit. He is doomed.

Take care.
La Tristesse Durera Toujours                                  (The Sadness Lasts Forever ...)
-van Gogh.

Holden

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Re: A Question for Herr Hauser and Senor Raul
« Reply #1028 on: December 11, 2021, 07:30:33 pm »
Physics investigates the essential nature of the world, and biology describes a local bump. Psychology, human psychology, describes a bump on the bump.--Willard Quine
La Tristesse Durera Toujours                                  (The Sadness Lasts Forever ...)
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Holden

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Re: A Question for Herr Hauser and Senor Raul
« Reply #1029 on: December 12, 2021, 10:27:58 am »
It’s not demons (who at least have a human face) but hell itself that seems to be laughing inside me, it’s the croaking madness of the dead universe … Pessoa
La Tristesse Durera Toujours                                  (The Sadness Lasts Forever ...)
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raul

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Re: A Question for Herr Hauser and Senor Raul
« Reply #1030 on: December 13, 2021, 05:00:21 am »
Holden,

Thank you for the link. It is a very interesting article. As you say married men have no clarity.

They are doomed. In different circumnstances I could have been one of those doomed men.

You see a lot of suffering and your problem is that you cannot stop noticing it.

Life is the cycle of sShit. Everything we eat turns into sShit. Our reality is shhit recycled. We are happy with the plan of the Demiurge.

I have just read in extra.com.py that lots of young women are going to the hairstylists to ask them to dye their hair with blond color for Christmas and New Year´s Day. There will be plenty of ffuccking these days. That is the way we were made. We are just guinea pigs.

I also wish to die soon but the problem is that I lack the constitution, quoting Rust Cohle, to commit suicide.  I would like to vanish into the air but that´s not going to happen. I lack the courage to slice my wrists with a razor edge or with a very sharp scissor, or taking hundreds of ibuprofen pills and sleep forever or lying down in the middle of a very busy avenue or taking the C-19 jab. I am not a brave person.

I once wrote that I did not expect to see the end of 2021. That could still happen. There are 18 days left.

Do you think there is a connection between mysticism and making babies, in Tolstoy´s case or similar cases of well-known figures?

Yes, if a man or, let´s add, a woman could look at the world, truly look at its core, he or she could not bear to go on with his/her life. But you already give the answer. Our instincts or will to life are very strong. We survive because we lie to ourselves every single second in our lives. We are resilient creatures.

We are demons.

Stay alert.

Holden

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Re: A Question for Herr Hauser and Senor Raul
« Reply #1031 on: December 13, 2021, 06:23:24 am »
For Don Raul :
Freedom is the possibility of isolation. You are free if you can withdraw from people, not having to seek them out for the sake of money, company, love, glory or curiosity, none of which can thrive in silence and solitude. - Pessoa
La Tristesse Durera Toujours                                  (The Sadness Lasts Forever ...)
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Holden

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La Tristesse Durera Toujours                                  (The Sadness Lasts Forever ...)
-van Gogh.

Holden

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Absurdism (To Don Raul)
« Reply #1033 on: December 14, 2021, 12:26:05 pm »

Don Raul,

Thanks for your message. The best moments are when I am alone in the room not having to talk to anyone. Every conservation is a veritable crucifixion. I wish I could work at some kind of isolated light-house and not see any faces for months on end. But I think most of them have been automated now and do not need a keeper.

I find the world absurd. Painfully absurd and absurdly painful.I love Locecraftian protagonists because they are greater scholars than the ones which are to found in a university. Lovecraft himself had very little formal education. He never entered the portals of a college, if memory serves and yet he was a more serious thinker than most of the college professors.

Except for the part during which was married for about two years, I admire his lifestyle. I guess he was destined to suffer a great deal during those two miserable and downright pathetic years.I am quite certain he possessed genuine interest in mathematics and yet ,like me, he never really managed to receive formal training in the discipline, which might not necessarily be such a bad thing, all things considered.

After all there are many cruel professors in the universities who harass students as is evident from this news article:
https://www.business-standard.com/article/news-ians/struggling-indian-phd-student-shoots-professor-self-in-us-116060201444_1.html

Also, it is not exactly uncommon for the fellow students to jeer and mock someone ,mercilessly, who is a loner and does not like to socialise. Yes, the best thing to be alone in the room and have the books one wants to study.

So,while I do want to study mathematics and philosophy (of a certain kind), I’d rather do it on my own in my small room. That I think is the most honest approach. Then,one fine morning, I might find, I cannot get out of the bed due to weakness and ,that, make no mistake, might be the very best day of my otherwise agony imbued life.

Take care.
La Tristesse Durera Toujours                                  (The Sadness Lasts Forever ...)
-van Gogh.

Holden

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Re: A Question for Herr Hauser and Senor Raul
« Reply #1034 on: December 14, 2021, 12:27:33 pm »
Do you think there is a connection between mysticism and making babies, in Tolstoy´s case or similar cases of well-known figures?-Don Raul

I am thinking about this and would respond in a day or two.
La Tristesse Durera Toujours                                  (The Sadness Lasts Forever ...)
-van Gogh.