{∅, {∅}, {∅, {∅}}} : Rage Against the Meat Grinder

I saved it to flashdrive and will check it out.

I would search for something I had written about this subject, but my time is ticking away at the library.   Maybe I will look for it in the domicile and post it here.   

Thanks for participating here, by the way.   It may motivate me to do some writing.

I have stopped scribbling in my notebooks.   I wonder if I will ever write the way I used to.   All I do is speak into a recorder now.    Some funny stuff.

I read from my notebooks.  I read other books into it sometimes.  I just talk into it when inebriated.  Sometimes ... well, very often I sing into it.   There is a great deal of comic relief on it as well.  Sometimes too much cursing.  I've captured myself on the verge of tears as well.  All kinds of spontaneous stuff that must make my neighbors (wherever I go) suspect I am a very troubled man.   

One of the musicians who had a big impact on me in the early 1990's died "suddenly and unexpectedly" last night (Wednesday, 17 May 2017) at age 52.  There is speculation that this was a suicide. 

UPDATE: It was ruled death by hanging.  Man oh man, if that doesn't make one pause and reflect a little bit. 

Fame, fortune, recognition, etc ... but still this response to "being-in-the-skin" ... 





The very last song he performed last night during a concert in Detroit was "Slaves & Bulldozers," but also included parts of Led Zeppelin's "In My Time of Dying" ... a song Soundgarden's frequently covers.

I linked to a few songs above.  The "type" of music is grunge.   They originated in the Seattle (Washington near Canada not DC) area.

Chris Cornell was the frontman of Soundgraden.  In the early 1990's he joined members of Pearl Jam to form Temple of the Dog.  He also joined forces with Rage Against the Machine (minus Zack de la Rocha) in Audioslave.

His vocals were soulful, and his lyrics very deep.  I have not listened to any of his more recent solo work and only found out now that he had done some work with Timbaland, which was kind of a surprise to me, so I can't pretend to know what he has been about over the past 10 years or more.  I only know that his music in the 1990's and a bit later left an impression on me, and he definitely stood out from the mainstream.  Also, since I really into the music of Soundgarden (Chris Cornell) and Rage Against the Machine in 1992, 1993 or so, what, 25 years ago, and with Cornell being about my age, I suppose he very much symbolizes "my generation" if we identify ourselves with things like generations ... I guess we're the generation on psychiatric medication that commits suicide?   I haven't taken any psychiatric medication since the last trip through a psychiatric ward in 2014 or so.   I don't trust it. 

Countless suffer from anxiety and "mental anguish".  We only hear about those who are famous.  The truth is that most all living human beings suffer from this anxiety.  It is a consequence of being alive.   All we can do is try to keep our heads together. We can't even afford to care too much for all those who are in anguish since we would be eaten alive and drained of our energies.  Do you know what I mean?  I hide from the world.  I feel it is all I can do to keep my own head together.  So I hide.  I hide in my math books.  Pecking away through a seemingly endless series of textbooks must give me a sense of stability.  For many years I did not mess with math because my life had become too unstable, my behavior unpredictable, and the environments I was living in filled with sociopaths, anxiety, vampires, ill-will ...


The news about Chris Cornell is shocking because we tend to think that if a person has such success as well as a wife and daughter, then they must feel emotionally secure in this world, but, again, I cannot pretend to know much about him.  In other words, I have been in my own orbit for quite some time.  It just all seems odd to me.  This entire world is very creepy, you know?  Psychiatric drugs to relieve anxiety that increase parnoia?   Very creepy world indeed.  We mustn't allow ourselves to envy anyone.

It doesn't add up though, and as usual, something smells fishy in Denmark.

This must be part of the horror of existence that Schopenhauer and Holden so clearly recognize.  I try to block out the horror by developing some mathematical aptitude.  It might even give my brain something else to think about besides the futility of existence and the potential horror in store for each of us.  For all I know, my obsession with studying mathematics might be some kind of psychological protection against too much consciousness.  I'm giving the brain in my head something to think about besides the bigger picture. 

Maybe I'm not very "soulful" these days ... I may not seem very "deep" anymore since I have chosen to devote my life to just going over math to see how much I understand.  You know, it's not deep at all - kind of emotionally disconnected.  I think I escape with mathematics exercises, but, under the surface, life is always right there in the bitter-sweet beating of my heart.  There is no escape. 

May we keep our heads together and not be devoured by those demons from the collective unconscious which haunt our species.

The Day I Tried to Live:



Just Like Suicide:



Ativan

Herr Raskolnikov,
Thank you for the links. I cannot watch the videos because my computer has problems. Here the newspaper ABC Color (Un Diarion con fé en la patria) published in the cultural supplement the title "Esa voz que queda" (That voice that remains). Christopher John Boyle from Seattle, Washington, was born in 1964. I don´t know much about music. You see,I realize that most musicians are also part of the system that enslave us. Cornell is not the case but I remember when Mick Jagger was awarded the title of Sir by the Queen. Those members of the nobility do not give you awards unless you are part of their caste. Cornell´s death reminded me of Kurt Cobain who committed suicide at 27. May Chris Cornell rest in peace. Stay safe. Raúl