This may be the key to breathing some fun into my current study of mathematics.
If I want to explore integration techniques, fine. If I prefer to look through an old encyclopedia from 1943 to see how they determined decimal approximations of square roots with pencil and paper (before calculators), that's fine too.
not playing in order to accomplish anything but playing for the sake of playing itself
Especially with mathematics, maybe because of the way many of our encounters with it has been in a structured academic setting, there is a sense of urgency that we be moving in an orderly direction.
It would be cool if I could look at my collection of mathematics textbooks and manuals as some kind of Oracle that I interact with in a playful manner, the way innocent little Regan played with the Ouija board, contacting Captain Howdy. Maybe I can interact with Gauss and Euler in a playful manner, innocently invoking them by allowing their algorithms to take residence in my central nervous system. In this way, in the spirit of goofing off (play), may be I just might become possessed by invisible intelligences lurking deep in the collective unconscious.
What strange creatures we are. I used to associate alcohol poisoning with "fun". I would sing and sob. While I can't seem to find "fun" in computations and calculations, there has to be some kind of aesthetic pleasure in it that draws me back to it each morning ... to tinker into the evening ... to keep track of my explorations in various notebooks simultaneously ... to be obsessed with computer algebra systems and calculators and very old math texts.
It comes close to being fun when I allow myself to forget as much as I will, to not fight this tendency to forget ... then to explore once again with a clear mind as though looking at it for the first time.
To paraphrase Holden, not calculating and computing in order to accomplish anything but for the sake of calculating and computing itself.
Using my magnifying glass I extract notes worthy of my notebooks, rewriting large enough that I can read over it without the magnifying glass.
If I can develop this spirit of exploration, where I do not demand of myself that I make progress, but only ask of myself that I become enthusiastic about what is at hand.
As the child rushes from thing to thing, toying with it until his interest wanes and then moving on ... the moment my interest (enthusiasm) wanes, I can move on to a different area.
Do you find it peculiar that those who discipline themselves in "Zen" meditation seek to empty their minds, and yet when studying mathematics our memory is continuously taxed? I would get nowhere without pencil and paper.
Maybe we ought to be delighted that we forget everything we study.
We can remain amazed for eternity since nothing will be taken for granted.