Amen on that, Cioran! The Subject has its own agenda, and it respects the Subjectivity of Nature-in-Itself, in all Her manifestations. We're a bunch of angry and frightened tubes on a mass of water hurling around a great big ball of fire for no purpose whatsoever, and we have to keep urinating, not to mention hydrating, the warming of the bones, the consuming of mass quantities of plant and animal life, dare I say, et cetera?
My own aging mother has expressed a strong propensity for selling me into slavery, in whatever capacity ... Reading that by Cioran is a real [good kind of] bucket of water in my tired sleepy face.
I have caught myself joking about filling out applications at certain stores while in the stores just to test the waters, to see just how easily my Presence might upset the Apple Cart no matter what capacity I served the Company/Employer.
I never had a job, except for a year, in Brasov, as a high school teacher. And it was a complete failure. I realized I could not practice a profession.
I have already peeked into the last Part of
a certain C++ text, and right after most of the fundamentals of the STL are covered, there is a section on "professionalism." I understand the need for this when lives depend on software created; but this
professionalism is what I can't seem to muster, which is why I prefer to delight in my own algebraic programming experiments in basic analysis. No boss, no professor to impress and obey, no family to shame (extended family thinks I am nuts or full-of-s-hit) ... I will work through the chapter, but it requires much patience to take heed of
political codes of conduct aimed at promulgating a culture of "learn, learn, adapt, or get left on the curb" mentality. Programming and Mathematics are for Creative bums as well, and just because many of us do not fit into any molds that have deemed useful to society, does not imply that we have lost our initial passion for these subjects and disciplines.
Industry and Social Politics seem to propagate the lie that years and decades when one is detached from any kind of employment, formal student status, etc, that those are wasted.
Thank you, Silenus, for posting this:
I don’t want to be a slave in any way. This is the only absolute certainty that I’ve had in life. I don’t want to be subordinate.It is like challenging Fate. Only this much, then it's off the cliff for us ... I hear the term Original Thinker, and I suppose that this is what it means to be one ---> Free to be wrong, free to be insane, free to have a head filled with nonsense ... to make mistakes and learn, even if this is not efficient to the species or Society/God as a whole. The kind of Professionalism demanded of certain modern endeavors demands efficiency, and the current politics leans towards using or building libraries, not building every little tool and utility from scratch, but building with the tools at hand, and the available libraries.
Cioran, were he to have dabbled in some programming might have delighted in applying it to building several custom-made Mathematical Assistance [on a disk]. It's a wonder and a delight in itself to do so, and the more elegant the code, the more radiantly the underlying mathematical idea might shine through to some future "code-monkey" [no offense meant; it must be thankless work if professional coders do not express their ideas in documentation right up in there with the code].
I may not have the kind of temperament required of the "professional elite" who hand pick from academia their Army of Corporate Intellectuals. I am simply a humble philosopher (psychiatric anomaly) who has put in the years studying mathematics - and am currently breathing life into my interest in [modern C++ STL] programming THROUGH mathematics; that is, through algebra, analysis, and numerical computations.
If one is going to become a junkie, a math-and-code junkie, along with some soup-cooking and bread-baking crafts, could work to deter feelings of depression about not fitting into the current WORK FORCE. There is too much I hate about intrusive advertz and call centers selling crap. I want no part of the little fascists I would have to "report to" and "SUBMIT TO."
I can barely stay calm as I hang up my tracfone --- people want me to pay to listen to them interrupt my own train of thought. They have no respect for what goes on between my ears!
We can be more honest and less polite, thanks to Cioran, Celine, and a few others.
There is no making sense of it, and each of us must have our own Inner Rage to repress, facing as we do similar worlds: brutal, violent, feeble-minded, dull-witted, shallow, small, petty, ...
Like Christopher Marlowe, one must muster the courage to be amazed with one's wonderous self.
The psychiatrists want one to play the role of patient/client working towards adapting to the Corporate Order, whereas
my actual mental health requires my
liberation from servitude --- for whatever it's worth.
Armies and Mobs trample the human spirit, and the Silent Majority may wish to sit back in the shadows watching you starve, watching you go out of your mind with dejection and despair ... If at all possible, one has to humble oneself enough to seek Municipal government assistance in securing some kind of residence, even if it is just a room with access to shared kitchen/toilets.
Cioran lived around college campuses so as to feed at the cafeterias ? what a scoundrel ...
Let he who is without any such quirks cast the first stone.
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mental note: Vanagon with solar panel ceiling and on-board water-purifier ... (amphibious?) ... no rent, no utilities ... park in mountains and live in it while building yurt ... just an idea.